it doesnt feel real any of it

[Surai]

it doesnt feel feel real it just doesnt feel real anymore. I feel its a superficial change that is happening. Its all so long drawn out. I cant keep going on like this. It doesnt feel real anymore. This isnt what. If its all in. There is nothing more to say. What is there to say. I might give a try tonight. come on come on come on. It doesnt feel real any of it. Like it was acted out before and now its just playing. I cant wait until I leave here. I cant wait. Its all so temporary, so superficial. You actblike you care when you really dont care. You actlike youre alive when you really arent. You axt like youre happy when you really arent. I swear I ran around that field wondering if I even existed. I was ignored to the point I questioned if I was a ghost. Light pains me. Its better if the sounds were constant and the lack of light persistant. an old gate and the castle, warm light that glowed faintly reflected off the puddles of slick and rocky concrete. There is nothing like nothing. A certain stillness in sleep. Unconscious to the conscious. A peacefullness unlike any other. Not there to experience it. Not even there to experience it. I want to feel like I feel, when Im not awake.

Im gone Im gone like many have gone we are gone like many have already, And how we miss and how we wish I wish I was with them too. Ill try tonight to be with them. To be with no one. To be gone Im gone. Why havent I done it already. Why keep pushing all day. Have you gotten a thought. A thought that maybe. Im gone. If only it had happened sooner. Or maybe it happened. Or maybe. I dont know anymore. I dont know anymore. What is there to know when all we know isnt enough.