isn't it crazy how the thought of my own death makes me smile?

[SufferingInDenmark]

i know it will be a way for me to end the pain, so naturally i smile.
but it's also crazy how bad you can have it, where that's the case.
that the only thing you look forward to is death, bc some things can't be fixed.

but i know my family wouldn't understand, at least i think they wouldn't.
my grandma on my dad's side did however somewhat suicide, assisted suicide with a doctor.
it was off paper, since it's illegal here.

which surprised me when my aunt told me years later.

so maybe they would understand, maybe not.

but they would maybe think of me as crazy for doing that.

bc they haven't experienced that level of pain on their own.

but maybe they WOULD understand... i'm just afraid of what people would say at my funeral.
if they would understand or not.

usually when you see suicides in movies, it's always such a dark scene.
where they portray the suicidal person to be out of his/her mind.

that's not always the case tho...

--------------------------------------

i don't want my future suicide to be overly sad, like in the movies.
just enjoy my last time here on earth and then do my chosen method.

 

[ForeverCaHa]

It's funny you should post this now. I just took my SN out of the package it was mailed to me in, just out of curiosity to see what it looked like. Holding the pack itself made me smile. I thought I would feel uneasy, holding the material which will end my life, but I felt really happy.

 

[SufferingInDenmark]

It's funny you should post this now. I just took my SN out of the package it was mailed to me in, just out of curiosity to see what it looked like. Holding the pack itself made me smile. I thought I would feel uneasy, holding the material which will end my life, but I felt really happy.

yep. that's the way it can be sometimes. i hope you won't need to take it,
but if you do, when do you think?

 

[ForeverCaHa]

yep. that's the way it can be sometimes. i hope you won't need to take it,
but if you do, when do you think?

My chosen date is in 13 days. I've given myself time to consider everything, and I'm pretty set. I'm ready to bow out on my own terms

 

[SufferingInDenmark]

My chosen date is in 13 days. I've given myself time to consider everything, and I'm pretty set. I'm ready to bow out on my own terms

i feel really weird asking this, and i dont know if its morally correct to even ask it,
but are you gonna do one last post on here, kinda "documenting" it if you will?
or not documenting it, but like a goodbye post?

but i do think it's a good idea to give yourself time to think about it,
and maybe even longer than you currently plan to.

 

[ForeverCaHa]

i feel really weird asking this, and i dont know if its morally correct to even ask it,
but are you gonna do one last post on here, kinda "documenting" it if you will?
or not documenting it, but like a goodbye post?

but i do think it's a good idea to give yourself time to think about it,
and maybe even longer than you currently plan to.

I've decided to go a goodbye post just because I've met a few nice people on here and it's easier than messaging them all individually. I also feel it will give a nice narrative structure to my posts haha
I probably won't post comments explaining how I feel after taking the SN though. At that point I'd rather be alone with my thoughts and looking at the photos I'll have around me.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

my Death is the best thing i could imagine.

You wrote

"usually when you see suicides in movies, it's always such a dark scene.
where they portray the suicidal person to be out of his/her mind.

that's not always the case tho..."

Yeah that's where everyone gets the idea that anybody who wants to suicide is mentally ill

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand as ceasing to exist is all I look forward to, I just hope and wish to never suffer ever again, I'd personally be relieved to be finally free from this futile, torturous existence. But anyway I wish you the best, I hope you find peace.

 

[Halfhourdays]

Ending my suffering with dignity and on my own terms makes me smile, too.

 

[SufferingInDenmark]

my Death is the best thing i could imagine.

You wrote

"usually when you see suicides in movies, it's always such a dark scene.
where they portray the suicidal person to be out of his/her mind.

that's not always the case tho..."

Yeah that's where everyone gets the idea that anybody who wants to suicide is mentally ill

yep, that's exactly where they get it from.
with the gore music, the whole crazy and irrational vibe to it.
someone totally erratic.

not someone calm who has come to peace with their decision

 

[pauly369]

Dreaming of my final exit from this shitshow world is the ONLY thing that makes Me happy.

 

[user671]

For me it isn't, I was very cheerful in the days that I received my SN package/rope, I even had to downplay it to not raise any suspicions.
Everytime I get reminded of my problems, the ONLY thing that calms me down is the thought of dying. It's what puts me back on track, the possibility of NOT SUFFERING for the rest of my life.
And regarding your parents, it's a similar situation to mine, they obviously disagree with my suicide but would come to understand it later.