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Rainy_days
Experienced
- Dec 21, 2022
- 256
It isn't. I don't know where the threshold will be or if there even is one. I've come very close in the past. Don't really belong on this forum I guess.
Ive injured myself permenantly in order to be more motivated to end myself,ended up entering a different dimesions of states of mind followed by drugs addiction... too bad.
anytime something bad happens i can feel myself numbing up in a matter of seconds like i took a percocet or something, so my mind will probably handle things by numbing me or by increasing drug cravings
anytime something bad happens i can feel myself numbing up in a matter of seconds like i took a percocet or something, so my mind will probably handle things by numbing me or by increasing drug cravings
WorthlessTrash
Worthless
- Apr 19, 2022
- 2,430
Make no mistake about it, i absolutely hate my life and being me. I am just not dead yet due to SI and guilt. I am also waiting to see if i am going to get paid back by my mom or not.
Fadeawaaaay
Visionary
- Nov 12, 2021
- 2,160
Szinuus
I see the bus...I can almost see it
- Aug 19, 2022
- 211
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 43,791
In my case, of course the only reason as to why I actually continue enduring this existence is because of the difficulties, complications and risks involved in suicide and just the fact that suicide feels like an impossibility for me, it feels like it's something inaccessible. If suicide is much easier I would be long gone by this point and if I had some kind of risk free painless method I would be instantly free from this awful world.
Life itself is something which is bad enough to make me wish to die, and all of the endless disadvantages that come with existing certainly make suicide seem so very appealing. To die is all that I've ever really wished for, it's something that is so ideal to me and I refuse to reach old age so I will eventually have to find a way to overcome all of the difficulties involved in suicide unless I die from other causes. So to answer the question, it's not anything life related that holds me back, it's rather just the going through with the act of suicide itself.
Life itself is something which is bad enough to make me wish to die, and all of the endless disadvantages that come with existing certainly make suicide seem so very appealing. To die is all that I've ever really wished for, it's something that is so ideal to me and I refuse to reach old age so I will eventually have to find a way to overcome all of the difficulties involved in suicide unless I die from other causes. So to answer the question, it's not anything life related that holds me back, it's rather just the going through with the act of suicide itself.
My life at this time is great. The reason I seek ctb is in anticipation of it becoming incredibly bleak and adverse in the future. I need to not let that future come.
LaVieEnRose
Angelic
- Jul 23, 2022
- 4,374
Are there actual signs right now of those things happening or is it just the chance itself of them happening that is motivating your CTB?
Shu
As above, So Below.
- Jan 21, 2022
- 2,487
hellispink
poisonous
- May 26, 2022
- 1,229
I have been ready for so long, I have been done and set for years. It couldn't get any worse by this point. I am just a coward.
It is the inevitability of these things happening and there being no positive alternative. It's a very long story but my life is going to become very, very bad and the only way to prevent this inevitability is ctb.
The past month and a half have been very trying and I was convinced it was time, but I kept trying/kept hoping that *this* would be the turning point and things would get better.
Those hopes have now all been dashed and unless a miracle will be arriving at the 25th hour, I'm finally on the proverbial doorstop, knocking to get in.
False or misplaced hope truly is one of the cruelest things in the universe.
I'm just trying to decide on location - if will have to be a place where I know my cats will be temporarily safe. I think I know what I'll do (and where) and while the old me would have felt guilty, the person I became earlier today doesn't GAF, not anymore.
Those hopes have now all been dashed and unless a miracle will be arriving at the 25th hour, I'm finally on the proverbial doorstop, knocking to get in.
False or misplaced hope truly is one of the cruelest things in the universe.
I'm just trying to decide on location - if will have to be a place where I know my cats will be temporarily safe. I think I know what I'll do (and where) and while the old me would have felt guilty, the person I became earlier today doesn't GAF, not anymore.
I can improve my life condition if i want to. But I dont want to. I am not here because my life is bad. I am here because I caused pain to others.
epic
Enlightened
- Aug 9, 2019
- 1,812
Citruscine
dead in the head
- Mar 8, 2022
- 53
Fortunately my life isn't that hard from external factors, however internal factors like my mental and physical illnesses make me rather not live. At the moment, the burden my death would leave on others exceeds the burden living is causing for me right now, but if things take a turn for the worse, I'd be prepared to ctb in the future (issues of si not withstanding)
