Is this wrong?

[Saddaisy]

While I don't necessarily share your opinion about your reasons to suicide, nor the planned vengeance involved, I am truly, genuinely glad that you have made such caring arrangements for your cat.

Thank you for taking all of our opinions on board.

His cheating isn't the only reason. He's is who saved me from doing this 18 plus years ago. Now I see my entire life has been a waste and I want everyone who caused this to pay. Since getting revenge and living would probably end up with me in jail... I'll take the other. I'm just not sure how I'll make it through these next few weeks, but I'm thinking about doing my gig work that I used to do.

funny I was working 60-70 hours a week to pay off my student loans so I could help him go back to school and he repays my by cheating on me with probably the ugliest woman I've ever seen. her voice is so manly and I would believe it if it came out that she used to be a man. Only reason I know it's not true is she has a kid from a previous relationship she has.

 

[SpottedPanda]

Very wrong

 

[autumnal]

His cheating isn't the only reason. He's is who saved me from doing this 18 plus years ago. Now I see my entire life has been a waste and I want everyone who caused this to pay. Since getting revenge and living would probably end up with me in jail... I'll take the other. I'm just not sure how I'll make it through these next few weeks, but I'm thinking about doing my gig work that I used to do.

funny I was working 60-70 hours a week to pay off my student loans so I could help him go back to school and he repays my by cheating on me with probably the ugliest woman I've ever seen. her voice is so manly and I would believe it if it came out that she used to be a man. Only reason I know it's not true is she has a kid from a previous relationship she has.

Just to clarify, he prevented you from committing suicide over 18 years ago?

And he actually admitted to cheating on you with this woman?

 

[Saddaisy]

Just to clarify, he prevented you from committing suicide over 18 years ago?

And he actually admitted to cheating on you with this woman?

He gave me a reason to think I could be happy. And no but I found proof. Hotel receipts and so many texts and late night phone calls between him and that pos girl. I can't confront him bc I snooped bc I was suspicious and I found my proof so I'll let him know with my note. Less than 3 weeks until he pays for what he took from me. I just wish I could find a way to get revenge on the s!@t he cheated on me with but hopefully this will destroy him financially at least. They can go be trash and live off welfare together and never actually do anything in life.

 

[autumnal]

He gave me a reason to think I could be happy. And no but I found proof. Hotel receipts and so many texts and late night phone calls between him and that pos girl. I can't confront him bc I snooped bc I was suspicious and I found my proof so I'll let him know with my note. Less than 3 weeks until he pays for what he took from me. I just wish I could find a way to get revenge on the s!@t he cheated on me with but hopefully this will destroy him financially at least. They can go be trash and live off welfare together and never actually do anything in life.

I think if you're going to kill yourself and blame him, confronting him beforehand and revealing you snooped is pretty insignificant by comparison. Do you not think it might be worth doing? You might find it cathartic, at the very least, and it may even help you get past all of the hurt and resentment and actually move forwards with life, single but functioning and alive.

I don't see how the woman he cheated with is particularly deserving of revenge. Knowing he had a partner isn't really seen as morally bad these days, and it's also quite possible he span her a made-up version of events that made you look like the bad guy and his cheating seem warranted.

 

[Saddaisy]

I think if you're going to kill yourself and blame him, confronting him beforehand and revealing you snooped is pretty insignificant by comparison. Do you not think it might be worth doing? You might find it cathartic, at the very least, and it may even help you get past all of the hurt and resentment and actually move forwards with life, single but functioning and alive.

I don't see how the woman he cheated with is particularly deserving of revenge. Knowing he had a partner isn't really seen as morally bad these days, and it's also quite possible he span her a made-up version of events that made you look like the bad guy and his cheating seem warranted.

I have no desire to live anymore.
Getting revenge on that homewrecker would at least let me know some peace.

 

[NorthernStar]

I have no desire to live anymore.
Getting revenge on that homewrecker would at least let me know some peace.

It is very unlikely to ruin his life, and he may be able to spin your death into getting pity.

 

[Saddaisy]

It is very unlikely to ruin his life, and he may be able to spin your death into getting pity.

Doubtful... once it comes out that he cheated on me with a piece of trash his family will disown him (they told him if he ever cheated they would write him out of the will and act like he didn't exist), my family would make his life hell; and anyone who knows both of us would shun him. He'll lose his health insurance, cheap car insurance, cheap phone bill, and probably have to move because he barely makes enough to pay bills with all the discounts. No way he'll afford anything by himself.

 

[GoBack]

Doubtful... once it comes out that he cheated on me with a piece of trash his family will disown him (they told him if he ever cheated they would write him out of the will and act like he didn't exist), my family would make his life hell; and anyone who knows both of us would shun him. He'll lose his health insurance, cheap car insurance, cheap phone bill, and probably have to move because he barely makes enough to pay bills with all the discounts. No way he'll afford anything by himself.

I don't get it. Why can't you just tell them , if your dead you won't see all this happen

 

[Saddaisy]

I don't get it. Why can't you just tell them , if your dead you won't see all this happen

Because I don't want to live life all alone. The only reason I didn't do this years ago was because he made me think I could be happy. So since that was a lie, and my job sucks, and I'm miserable I prefer to just end it.

 

[rhiino]

I just wish I could find a way to get revenge on the s!@t he cheated on me with

Did she even know about you? She might be the innocent party here, just like you.

I don't get it. Why can't you just tell them , if your dead you won't see all this happen

Nobody will hate him like they will when he made his wife commit suicide.

 

[MaybeSoon]

Try life without the relationship, it might feel better after a while.

 

[Saddaisy]

Did she even know about you? She might be the innocent party here, just like you.
Nobody will hate him like they will when he made his wife commit suicide.

Yep the hoe knew about me. She's even met me before. She knew how long we'd been together, that we were "common law" and she still didn't care. I didn't care to live before him and I don't care to live without him. I tried getting revenge on her to see if it made me feel better, but it didn't and I know I never will as long as I live. It's less than 3 weeks now. I'm not even sad at all. I'm mostly annoyed I have to wait, but I need a long period of time uninterrupted.

No it's not wrong, and people are going to pass negative judgment on us no matter what. I wish we could find peace and happiness without having to CTB I'm sure some of you do. But for rest of us its a wish that will remain just that, a wish. Reality is far more punishing and unforgiving. Crying out for help that will never come then what can you do? But its your decision and yours alone. When the world has turned it's back to you, sometimes you have to turn your back to the world. I hope you find relief to your suffering and find peace however you choose, good luck to you.

Yep I thought I had and did for 18 years but a s!@t took it from me. It just a reminder of hot my entire life was a lie and a waste. I'm just ready for my day. I'm still worried about the dog, but I think she'll be ok if I leave out extra water and put her food in a timer feeder. I might give her one of her anxiety pills before so she'll be asleep for most of it. I don't want her to see my suffer: I want her to wake up and think I'm asleep.

 

[NorthernStar]

Did she even know about you? She might be the innocent party here, just like you.
Nobody will hate him like they will when he made his wife commit suicide.

But see, that's the thing - he's not making her commit suicide. Don't we preach autonomous choice around here? This is the OP's reaction to his actions and yes he's a shithead but the news will spin differently after she's gone. ("Oh no wonder you two weren't getting on; she was having mental trouble and blah blah blah.")

People have tremendous ability to overcome cognitive dissonance. The OP's ex-bf is such a self-focused asshole, I'll bet he plays the victim card.

On a related note: a person can't base their entire happiness on someone else's actions or feelings because that's entirely out of your control. Sure you can try to influence it but people will up and make the same bad decisions over and over again.

And I say this as a woman who is currently going through a divorce.

OP, I wish you peace and people who will love you and treat you with the respect you deserve. And you deserve better than to die to spite a man who isn't worth the gum stuck underneath a shoe.

May your anger empower you to find peace, clarity and closure - however you choose.

 

[Saddaisy]

But see, that's the thing - he's not making her commit suicide. Don't we preach autonomous choice around here? This is the OP's reaction to his actions and yes he's a shithead but the news will spin differently after she's gone. ("Oh no wonder you two weren't getting on; she was having mental trouble and blah blah blah.")

People have tremendous ability to overcome cognitive dissonance. The OP's ex-bf is such a self-focused asshole, I'll bet he plays the victim card.

On a related note: a person can't base their entire happiness on someone else's actions or feelings because that's entirely out of your control. Sure you can try to influence it but people will up and make the same bad decisions over and over again.

And I say this as a woman who is currently going through a divorce.

OP, I wish you peace and people who will love you and treat you with the respect you deserve. And you deserve better than to die to spite a man who isn't worth the gum stuck underneath a shoe.

May your anger empower you to find peace, clarity and closure - however you choose.

I'll make sure everyone who knows me points out when I changed. It was the day I found out. I'm going to make it well know it was the final thing.
And thanks but I wanted to die before him and nor without him I want to again.

 

[autumnal]

I'll make sure everyone who knows me points out when I changed. It was the day I found out. I'm going to make it well know it was the final thing.
And thanks but I wanted to die before him and nor without him I want to again.

I think a number of members, including myself, just feel like perhaps you may be letting your resentment towards him utterly consume you to the point of suiciding to hurt him, when perhaps it doesn't need to be that way. That's why the option of confronting him, and telling others what he did, might be a useful first strike before you need to consider anything more drastic. I guess you just come across as so completely obsessed by vengeance that it is hard to believe you would still feel that way after things came to a head and were revealed.

 

[raindrops]

I read somewhere that it will take a week for every month you were together to heal from heartache which sucks tbh... I was with someone for 11 years and trust me it's best to be open and honest with him if you want things to work, I say tell him what you know...or do what my ex partner did, just leave with no explanation and live a better life without him.
Most jobs are miserable or at least become tedious, well mine has anyway!
You have a good job though right, like you said you earn more than him, I know this is easy to say but if I were you I'd focus on the cat, friends and work.
In my eyes you're lucky I wish I had a cat, some friends, and a decent job.
I don't really know or understand your situation and sometimes we don't like to hear this bs but you do not need him to be happy.

 

[xkidx]

i think you should make sure they get somewhere else to live instead

 

[rhiino]

In my eyes you're lucky I wish I had a cat, some friends, and a decent job.

There is always somebody who has it better or worse in comparison, that does not mean he has to be lucky/unlucky. That comparison does not bring any benefit at all for the person in question and it is something we hear from the average pro-lifer. Has it really ever helped anybody to know that there are people who have it even worse when ones life is miserable? It certainly does not help me, but I am open to other views.

 

[lululoo]

On a related note: a person can't base their entire happiness on someone else's actions or feelings because that's entirely out of your control. Sure you can try to influence it but people will up and make the same bad decisions over and over again.

Of course it's not wise or ideal to do so. But some of us are miserable wrecks, damaged by childhood or other things, who simply cannot be happy alone. The only happiness I have had is in my brief relationships. And yes, I have tried therapy. So just telling someone "don't base your happiness on someone else" is pointless. I know miserable people who found love and they were then okay with life. If they lost it they probably wouldn't be okay. It's not a good way to live, but it's just how it is for some. You can try to fix it and become independent, but in the mean time, what choice do you have except try to find someone? I mean I actually wish I had not taken years off from trying to date, because all the therapy and "self-improvement" did not help and I just wasted time. (Note I have other bigger factors driving CTB -- chronic illness -- but the point remains).

OP, you are getting so much push back in this thread. I'm surprised by it. I just want to say I understand you. I wish that you could stick around and give it more time to get over your partner, maybe find someone else... but I understand how you feel. I ask only out of curiosity, not judgment: if you know a partner can make life worth living for you, what makes you not want to try to find another? Do you feel he was the only guy for you? Are you too sad to stick around and wait?

 

[Saddaisy]

I think a number of members, including myself, just feel like perhaps you may be letting your resentment towards him utterly consume you to the point of suiciding to hurt him, when perhaps it doesn't need to be that way. That's why the option of confronting him, and telling others what he did, might be a useful first strike before you need to consider anything more drastic. I guess you just come across as so completely obsessed by vengeance that it is hard to believe you would still feel that way after things came to a head and were revealed.

It is partly to hurt him, but I wanted to die every day of my life before we got together. I couldn't do anything while I lived at home since my super religous mother would have sent me to a hospital for years. I moved out when I was 18 and spent the next 18 months in a drug and alchol induced haze.... that helped to ease my pain , but it was still there in the back of my mind. After I got together with jerk face I though I was finally going to have my turn to be happy. Now I see it was all a lie and I have no desire to stick around. His cheating was the final thing. I can list the other reasons if that helps

1. I have a chronic condition that will eventually make me go blind, deaf, paralyze me , etc... ( 1 or more of these) this was my reason for planning a trip to Switzerland in 10 or so years. I figured I could save up enough money over the next 10 years to afford that. I can do the yearly membership fee now with no issue. I just sure don't have the cost for what they require unless I maxed out all my credit cards with cash advances which I guess is an option... leaving jerk face with 30,000 in debt would be kinda funny. Since we are "domestic partners" I am not sure if they would be able to come after him for that or not

2. My job has basically told me to go ^$@$ myself and my career goal that I had been working on for the past 2 years ( what I was trying to do takes 5 or so years)

3. have massive student loan debt

4. I have severe insomnia (sometimes only sleeping 1-2 hours a night)

5.Then what jerk face did..

So it is not just what he did, but a combination of things. The other 4 things aren't something I can do anything to get "revenge" on anyone for. Well I guess I can include my job in my note, but jerk face and his hoe bag are the final thing I could take.

I read somewhere that it will take a week for every month you were together to heal from heartache which sucks tbh... I was with someone for 11 years and trust me it's best to be open and honest with him if you want things to work, I say tell him what you know...or do what my ex partner did, just leave with no explanation and live a better life without him.
Most jobs are miserable or at least become tedious, well mine has anyway!
You have a good job though right, like you said you earn more than him, I know this is easy to say but if I were you I'd focus on the cat, friends and work.
In my eyes you're lucky I wish I had a cat, some friends, and a decent job.
I don't really know or understand your situation and sometimes we don't like to hear this bs but you do not need him to be happy.

My job was my dream job until they told me to go %%%% myself and my career goals. (which they knew about and were supportive until corporate realized it wasn;t going to make them money in the long run since I would be leaving once I completed it.)

And I was never happy before him so i don't see my self ever being happy without him. I am just glad in 3 weeks it will all be over.

Of course it's not wise or ideal to do so. But some of us are miserable wrecks, damaged by childhood or other things, who simply cannot be happy alone. The only happiness I have had is in my brief relationships. And yes, I have tried therapy. So just telling someone "don't base your happiness on someone else" is pointless. I know miserable people who found love and they were then okay with life. If they lost it they probably wouldn't be okay. It's not a good way to live, but it's just how it is for some. You can try to fix it and become independent, but in the mean time, what choice do you have except try to find someone? I mean I actually wish I had not taken years off from trying to date, because all the therapy and "self-improvement" did not help and I just wasted time. (Note I have other bigger factors driving CTB -- chronic illness -- but the point remains).

OP, you are getting so much push back in this thread. I'm surprised by it. I just want to say I understand you. I wish that you could stick around and give it more time to get over your partner, maybe find someone else... but I understand how you feel. I ask only out of curiosity, not judgment: if you know a partner can make life worth living for you, what makes you not want to try to find another? Do you feel he was the only guy for you? Are you too sad to stick around and wait?

I gave it time. I discovered this back in Feburary and tried to fogive and move past it and I couldn't. And I don;t want to find someone else bc of my chronic illness I will never burden someone with this. I was already with jerk face when I was diagnosed so he was already around. I would never burden someone with my curse.

 

[lululoo]

I gave it time. I discovered this back in Feburary and tried to fogive and move past it and I couldn't. And I don;t want to find someone else bc of my chronic illness I will never burden someone with this. I was already with jerk face when I was diagnosed so he was already around. I would never burden someone with my curse.

I'm so sorry. I totally understand. My chronic illness has gotten so bad I would never try to find someone now and burden them either. I don't think I would even enjoy the relationship, the one thing I always craved. It's hard to enjoy things when your body is a dumpster fire.

 

[Saddaisy]

I'm so sorry. I totally understand. My chronic illness has gotten so bad I would never try to find someone now and burden them either. I don't think I would even enjoy the relationship, the one thing I always craved. It's hard to enjoy things when your body is a dumpster fire.

Yep this is my feelings on the matter. While my illness hasn't progessed to the point of where I would max out my credit cards to go to switerland, I know i tcould be any day so I have to prepare and after what jerk face did I figured it was the universe showing me it was time.

 

[raindrops]

There is always somebody who has it better or worse in comparison, that does not mean he has to be lucky/unlucky. That comparison does not bring any benefit at all for the person in question and it is something we hear from the average pro-lifer. Has it really ever helped anybody to know that there are people who have it even worse when ones life is miserable? It certainly does not help me, but I am open to other views.

the thing is you won't find me wishing op good luck on ctb, although I am pro choice, I just couldn't wish someone good luck on that... I just can't.
I'm understanding on whatever decision they choose though, I don't judge at all.

I have a few reasons to ctb. My ex partner cheated on me so I can kind of relate to op.
anyway, I forgave him and then he abandoned me in our home we shared! I was left with nothing.
I feel like its been 11 years of my life wasted.

so yeah...I think op is lucky to have a cat, a good job and friends.
When I say "lucky" maybe it's more of a figure of speech.
I suppose I say lucky because those are some things that would personally help me feel better.
ffs I'm not allowed a cat, I'd love a cat! My job definitely doesn't pay great, it's no career (I assume op has a career, I'm good at assuming)
and no I haven't got friends or someone who would take care of my cat.
There's no way I'm saying op has it easier or should just be happy because they have them things, I know life doesn't work like that.
However in my naïve mind having a cat, job, friends and a home is all I need to feel happy.

 

[Saddaisy]

the thing is you won't find me wishing op good luck on ctb, although I am pro choice, I just couldn't wish someone good luck on that... I just can't.
I'm understanding on whatever decision they choose though, I don't judge at all.

I have a few reasons to ctb. My ex partner cheated on me so I can kind of relate to op.
anyway, I forgave him and then he abandoned me in our home we shared! I was left with nothing.
I feel like its been 11 years of my life wasted.

so yeah...I think op is lucky to have a cat, a good job and friends.
When I say "lucky" maybe it's more of a figure of speech.
I suppose I say lucky because those are some things that would personally help me feel better.
ffs I'm not allowed a cat, I'd love a cat! My job definitely doesn't pay great, it's no career (I assume op has a career, I'm good at assuming)
and no I haven't got friends or someone who would take care of my cat.
There's no way I'm saying op has it easier or should just be happy because they have them things, I know life doesn't work like that.
However in my naïve mind having a cat, job, friends and a home is all I need to feel happy.

I've said about 10 times my job is crap so I'm not sure where you got the idea I have a good job. I have very few friends so stop assuming I'm going to be leaving behind a bunch of people. I'd say I have 2 maybe 3 people I c

the thing is you won't find me wishing op good luck on ctb, although I am pro choice, I just couldn't wish someone good luck on that... I just can't.
I'm understanding on whatever decision they choose though, I don't judge at all.

I have a few reasons to ctb. My ex partner cheated on me so I can kind of relate to op.
anyway, I forgave him and then he abandoned me in our home we shared! I was left with nothing.
I feel like its been 11 years of my life wasted.

so yeah...I think op is lucky to have a cat, a good job and friends.
When I say "lucky" maybe it's more of a figure of speech.
I suppose I say lucky because those are some things that would personally help me feel better.
ffs I'm not allowed a cat, I'd love a cat! My job definitely doesn't pay great, it's no career (I assume op has a career, I'm good at assuming)
and no I haven't got friends or someone who would take care of my cat.
There's no way I'm saying op has it easier or should just be happy because they have them things, I know life doesn't work like that.
However in my naïve mind having a cat, job, friends and a home is all I need to feel happy.

My job is crap, my home is ruined, and my few friends I have mostly live far away.i have one friend that lives in town. And I had a great job until corporate told me I could )/$g my career goals-so now I hate everything about it; my home was amazing it was the one place I could go and always be loved, that's gone, my health isn't ideal, my cat is my baby but she wouldn't want me to be sad. I really did most everything on my bucket list last year with my insane summer concerts. I'll never get that again bc of Coronas. I'm hoping my refunds hit my bank before my date so I'll have more money to go to my cat. At least I have memories, pictures, and all the guitar picks ever to get me through the next 3 weeks.
Sad I'll never finish my sleeve, but i have at least another 2 big pieces and then probably 5 to fill in the holes. Oh well maybe in another reality I'm there happy and haven't been cheated on and living thr life I should have had.

 

[raindrops]

I've said about 10 times my job is crap so I'm not sure where you got the idea I have a good job. I have very few friends so stop assuming I'm going to be leaving behind a bunch of people. I'd say I have 2 maybe 3 people I c

My job is crap, my home is ruined, and my few friends I have mostly live far away.i have one friend that lives in town. And I had a great job until corporate told me I could )/$g my career goals-so now I hate everything about it; my home was amazing it was the one place I could go and always be loved, that's gone, my health isn't ideal, my cat is my baby but she wouldn't want me to be sad. I really did most everything on my bucket list last year with my insane summer concerts. I'll never get that again bc of Coronas. I'm hoping my refunds hit my bank before my date so I'll have more money to go to my cat. At least I have memories, pictures, and all the guitar picks ever to get me through the next 3 weeks.
Sad I'll never finish my sleeve, but i have at least another 2 big pieces and then probably 5 to fill in the holes. Oh well maybe in another reality I'm there happy and haven't been cheated on and living thr life I should have had.

Sometimes the UK council give homes to people with no carpet, no paint on the walls, peeling wallpaper and damp but it is a home
(I don't mean to sound funny there, I just realllly want to rent, I want a home)
Can you stay in your home if he left? Could you kick your partner out?
tbh I didn't want to stay in the home I shared with my partner, I couldn't afford to live there by myself but if I could I wouldn't of stayed, so many memories, like you say, ruined.

The problem is I have hope, I am hopeful that the future will get better no matter who or what the situation and if I don't think this way I get worried af, I bawl my eyes out, I get days when I just want to take a walk to the cliff... then hope gets me again.

I'm sorry, I'm shit, I can never stop assuming, my mind runs at a million mph.
I agree with what someone here said though - dump boyfriend, keep cat and see what happens.
Can you play guitar or did you catch those picks in the crowd? that's so cool if you actually caught them!!
anyway... we'll all be okay eventually

 

[Saddaisy]

Sometimes the UK council give homes to people with no carpet, no paint on the walls, peeling wallpaper and damp but it is a home
(I don't mean to sound funny there, I just realllly want to rent, I want a home)
Can you stay in your home if he left? Could you kick your partner out?
tbh I didn't want to stay in the home I shared with my partner, I couldn't afford to live there by myself but if I could I wouldn't of stayed, so many memories, like you say, ruined.

The problem is I have hope, I am hopeful that the future will get better no matter who or what the situation and if I don't think this way I get worried af, I bawl my eyes out, I get days when I just want to take a walk to the cliff... then hope gets me again.

I'm sorry, I'm shit, I can never stop assuming, my mind runs at a million mph.
I agree with what someone here said though - dump boyfriend, keep cat and see what happens.
Can you play guitar or did you catch those picks in the crowd? that's so cool if you actually caught them!!
anyway... we'll all be okay eventually

There is no getting better for me. Money can't buy happiness so I'm not looking to go on without him. I've lived long enough so I'm ready.

I wanted to die before him so losing him just brings it all back. I'm just sad I won't be around to see how him and all the other people who drove me to this react.


And I caught some and was handed some. It was pretty cool to get to shake hands with the members of the bands. Nothing like holding your bladder for 6 plus hours so you don't lose your spot at the front row of the pit. I have a drum stick too. I had both of them, but I gave one to the girl standing next to me because she hadn't got anything and this was the end of the concert.

 

[garbagemonkey]

It makes me sad to see so much anger from you (not saying it isn't justified). I truly hope you can find some peace before you ctb, if that is the choice you make. I understand not wanting to continue on alone, it just seems "jerk face" doesn't deserve to even be a focus of your energy anymore.

 

[Saddaisy]

It makes me sad to see so much anger from you (not saying it isn't justified). I truly hope you can find some peace before you ctb, if that is the choice you make. I understand not wanting to continue on alone, it just seems "jerk face" doesn't deserve to even be a focus of your energy anymore.

The anger is only getting worse: so I'm gonna go soon before I end up in prison

 

[magick'sgone]

Sorry, I'm confused. Were you planning to ctb even before you found out he had been cheating?