Venting Is this a stupid reason to ctb?

[alliecake]

All my life I have felt alone. I'm someone that has never experienced true love or has ever had a boyfriend (was forced to go to an all girls school so finding a boyfriend was almost impossible ). I've only been on one date in my entire life when I was a teenager. I'm getting older (30) and I fear I will never find my soulmate. I have literally been crying myself to sleep at night thinking about this. Seeing couples in love constantly posting about each other doesn't help lmao. So my question is loneliness a valid reason to kill myself? I don't have that many friends so nobody will care if I ctb except my parents/family. I really wanted to recover but I fear I am just not strong enough. I feel like such a loser and that I failed in life.

 

[getoutgirl]

I don't think there is a valid or not valid reason to commit suicide. That don't matter. But yours is definetly a more than valid reason to go through the pain you are going through and to be suicidal. If you want to recover deep down then I will encourage you, no doubt, hold on to that hope, I believe you can be strong enough if it's there even amist all that. Not been in a relationship doesn't mean you are a failure at all either, even if there is a societal push to believe that, it's not true. Don't let that bring you down or try not to. I hope you find someone some day, I don't know your situation but I also hope it improves to make that posible and you able to recover. Lots of hugs<3

 

[xhelx]

I don't think it's a stupid reason, and I'm not here to influence your decision or anything. I just wanted to say that being lonely doesn't make you any less worthy of love and friendship. There's more go life than just dating, but I understand why it makes you feel like this. If you aren't sure about your decision to ctb, I think it might be worth giving friendships a shot. I'm not the best at socializing either, but I think joining any local club or comunity could be a good start. If you have a job, you could try to talk to your coworkers. You could try to find friends online or even on here, I've found some really nice people. I don't have much advice about dating, but friendships do turn sometimes into something more. There's also dating apps if you want to give them a shot too.
Regardless of your decision, I wish you the best.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

I find it hard to ever point to anyone's reasons and say they're stupid or not enough or any of that. I agree with getoutgirl that validity doesn't come into play if you're feeling this intensely and have arrived at that place, mentally. I agree that society is built to make us feel like failures for not following social constructs. Obviously, yeah, connection and the lack of it matters. We are a social species. But it doesn't make you a failure. As said above, I believe in recovery just as much, that's being pro choice. No one deserves to be in years potentially of pain. And, I know this is cliche, but we never truly know what can happen next. That goes for life, as much as death. Feel free to reach out if you want to talk; we're here for you. <3

 

[darksouls]

All my life I have felt alone. I'm someone that has never experienced true love or has ever had a boyfriend (was forced to go to an all girls school so finding a boyfriend was almost impossible ). I've only been on one date in my entire life when I was a teenager. I'm getting older (30) and I fear I will never find my soulmate. I have literally been crying myself to sleep at night thinking about this. Seeing couples in love constantly posting about each other doesn't help lmao. So my question is loneliness a valid reason to kill myself? I don't have that many friends so nobody will care if I ctb except my parents/family. I really wanted to recover but I fear I am just not strong enough. I feel like such a loser and that I failed in life.

I am older than you and I am also afraid I will never meet my soulmate
I can understand how you feel
I wish you good luck and hope you find your soulmate

 

[Esc9434]

@SchizoGymnast Please drop advice like you did yesterday.

 

[Michelstaedter]

I think these are stupid reasons, subjectively, because for many, the CTB itself is stupid.
Now, I'll be honest, 12 years ago I seriously considered doing it because a girl I really liked rejected me. Added to the fact that at that time I'd never had a girlfriend (and I still don't), I felt like the most miserable person, the biggest loser, the most trashy, the least interesting man in the history of humanity. All of this together was a reason for wanting to do the CTB, but deep down, I knew it was terribly stupid, because after all, there are many men without girlfriends. But it's not all our fault. It's just that some women, or the profile that's given, at least in my country, requires you to be a man with certain characteristics, not to mention just physical characteristics. Since I didn't fit that definition, I was ruled out.

In conclusion, you're free to think whether it's a silly reason. I don't know how much not having had a partner means to you. In my 33 years, I feel that even though I haven't had a girlfriend, that's not a reason to leave this world. I have other, more relevant reasons, but those are personal. Unlike if someone tells you it's too silly, at least as an "ex-stupid," I can tell you yes, it's too silly, since it's not worth it to leave this world just because some stupid man didn't want to be with you.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I wish somehow I could download my decades of misery "in a relationship" to those who wish they had one. That's unfair to say, I know, and I don't mean it to be harsh. I would gladly exchange situations in a heartbeat. To be alone would be a huge relief for me. But I'm coming from a place of dark pain and no longer believe happy relationships are truly possible. I remember what it's like wishing for one though, and feeling left out, and I agree it is miserable too. I guess, deep down, I feel I need to say this once in a while, not to hurt people, but to maybe try to help prevent massive disappointment from searching and wanting and eventually finding someone, only to discover it made their life worse. I hope you find what you need, I really do.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

It depends. How hard have you tried to meet someone? How much have you put yourself out there? If you're being honest with yourself and you've genuinely tried, maybe it's a valid reason. 30 is still pretty young, though. There's still time.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm not sure that any feeling so bad that it makes us suicidal should be dismissed as 'stupid' or 'silly'. The more relevant question really is practical. How impossible is it for us to fix the problem we are dealing with?

So- like others have said- What have you done to try to meet someone? Also important: What are you willing to do? I think sometimes we may know what we want but, we may simultaneously know we won't even try to do the things that might help us. Not to say we'll definitely get what we want but, it will give us a better chance.

So, the question in a way, might be- Is it ok quiting when you haven't given something a proper try? I've no idea whether you have or not of course.

Again, it depends on the person. In order to try to get that thing- is what we will have to go through utterly horrendous/ repellent to us? I suppose if it's that bad then, we may decide it isn't worth the effort.

That's a decision we all have to make ourselves though. I should have worked harder to get over my social anxiety and confidence issues. They held me back enormously in life. However, I did face them when I really wanted things in life.

I even tried to attract someone I really cared for once. So- I think you need to look at it more practically. Sure, your feelings are valid. Are there things you could be doing to change the circumstances that make you feel the way you do? (Even though they might be really difficult.) Or, does that prospect seem too daunting?

Sometimes, I think we have to be honest with ourselves on just how much we really want this thing. Are we willing to go through uncomfortable scenarios to make it more likely we will get it?

Personally, I also think it can be valid to decide that we can't face those things or, that they may well end up making us feel worse!

Still, I think we need to admit to ourselves: I don't even want to pursue this thing that could make me happy because I'm too afraid of the negative experiences I may have to go through to get it. Then, it depends on whether that sounds a reasonable excuse to not try. (If that even applies to you of course.)

 

[whatishope]

I think any reason that makes you think about ctb is a valid reason.

I am actually in a sort-of similar boat. Turning 30, never had a serious relationship. I am getting more and more pessimistic about my future, I often think that it's over for me and there is no hope left. But, then again, I don't trust myself with that. After all, I am the person that got myself into this situation in the first place. So, I'm still trying, and will continue so as long as I'm in good health.

You said you want to recover, and don't see a reason why you shouldn't try. I wish all the best for you.

 

[SchizoGymnast]

@SchizoGymnast Please drop advice like you did yesterday.

Your wish is my command.

Alliecake, I have so many things I could say about this topic but I don't want to overwhelm you. So I'll start with this.

Loneliness is a totally valid reason to ctb. Loneliness has been proven to literally kill humans, particularly newborns and elderly. However, what's NOT a valid reason to ctb, in my opinion, is falling for cultural propaganda that glorifies romantic love and places it above all other relationships. Especially where you're so young and haven't had enough time really to test if that propaganda is true or not (spoiler alert: it isn't.)

So what do you do in the meantime? I'll tell you a story about myself in the spring of 2023. I was in the midst of a manic episode and I was shockingly, drippingly (sorry for the TMI), mind-blowingly hypersexual. Now I'm single, so that means no natural outlet for this. I won't go into graphic detail as to how I met these needs, but I will describe the internal experience. It was a mixed episode, so I had symptoms of depression and rage as well. I was deeply suicidal, not showering much, and hated my body, which simultaneously craving every form of touch and sex imaginable, yet it was never enough. And considering the TMI nature of the topic, you can't necessarily talk about it with your peers. The loneliness and worthlessness was devastating. By the end, I desperately wanted to be euthanized like the rabid animal I was.

Okay, I wasn't euthanized. What next? Firstly, I knew it was a manic episode and it would eventually end and I just had to white knuckle it just a while longer. It's an endurance feat, like climbing Mount Everest. And once the mania clears, the obsession fades, you start showering again...it's definitely takes a few months to really feel like "yourself" again. But two years later, I invested in one or two good hobbies and started having fun with my appearance. For example, I study languages and I met new people while doing that and while doing special effects makeup. Spend more time with the friends you do have. Over time, you may even fall in love with someone that started out as just a friend. One of the closest relationships I had was developed while we were discussing Bush era politics on a blog. We just get talking and talking and fell in love that way over a period of years.

Moral of the story: Me hiring a prostitute during a manic episode would have been a bad idea, and I think you choosing ctb at this time is also a bad idea. Also, don't cut down the Sequoia before it has the chance to reach it's full height. Sometimes it really does take time. And lastly... anyone trying to rush romance into your life...it's worth asking what THEY get out of it. Then ask yourself if you should base any decision in your life based on what benefits THEM. Screw that.

 

[tipoftheRGB]

I am 28, almost 29, female, and want to ctb for the same reasons. I wanted to find a partner and have kids (I know there are a lot of antinatalists here but I actually love life and loved my life before it went to shit so I don't agree with them) but I made the wrong choices in life over and over again and now I feel it in my entire body that its too late and have felt this way for almost a year. I'm only still alive because I'm scared of pain and becoming a vegetable. I would say if you don't want kids, you should stay alive though because people really do find love (even for the first time) at all ages.

 

[ctbgurl]

All my life I have felt alone. I'm someone that has never experienced true love or has ever had a boyfriend (was forced to go to an all girls school so finding a boyfriend was almost impossible ). I've only been on one date in my entire life when I was a teenager. I'm getting older (30) and I fear I will never find my soulmate. I have literally been crying myself to sleep at night thinking about this. Seeing couples in love constantly posting about each other doesn't help lmao. So my question is loneliness a valid reason to kill myself? I don't have that many friends so nobody will care if I ctb except my parents/family. I really wanted to recover but I fear I am just not strong enough. I feel like such a loser and that I failed in life.

i don't know if any of you have noticed this but, "norms" and the public have been corrupt for so long, it's almost better for a person to not abide by the usuals. Dating in this generation is like a cesspool for one night stands and leaves way too much room for things to go wrong. there is much more to this inefficient life than wasting all your energy on another unfaithful being. Find solace in your "self", and become the being you want. Truthfully, i suffer a similar type of situation which led me to harbor some anger towards people I Probably shouldn't but hey... That's life. just joke about and be glad you're in the small percentage of people who don't have an STD in 2025. i completely understand why you'd be feeling the separation from Society that you do, and I am not here 2 try 2 take away from that. i just have views that make it hard to Not reply to a post like this. Wish U Well

 

[Linda]

All my life I have felt alone. I'm someone that has never experienced true love or has ever had a boyfriend (was forced to go to an all girls school so finding a boyfriend was almost impossible ). I've only been on one date in my entire life when I was a teenager. I'm getting older (30) and I fear I will never find my soulmate. I have literally been crying myself to sleep at night thinking about this. Seeing couples in love constantly posting about each other doesn't help lmao. So my question is loneliness a valid reason to kill myself? I don't have that many friends so nobody will care if I ctb except my parents/family. I really wanted to recover but I fear I am just not strong enough. I feel like such a loser and that I failed in life.

Some years ago I watched an unmarried acquaintance aged about 45 find a woman of about his own age, and they were inseparable thereafter. It's not too late for you.
But you do need to make some effort to go and meet people. People won't come to you. Get out there and grab a man. Or several (though not all at the same time!). There is a lot of luck involved in finding the right partner, and the only way you can maximise your chances is through trial and error. If it turns out to be lots of trial and lots of error, that's still OK. It was like that for me.

i don't know if any of you have noticed this but, "norms" and the public have been corrupt for so long, it's almost better for a person to not abide by the usuals. Dating in this generation is like a cesspool for one night stands and leaves way too much room for things to go wrong. there is much more to this inefficient life than wasting all your energy on another unfaithful being. Find solace in your "self", and become the being you want. Truthfully, i suffer a similar type of situation which led me to harbor some anger towards people I Probably shouldn't but hey... That's life. just joke about and be glad you're in the small percentage of people who don't have an STD in 2025. i completely understand why you'd be feeling the separation from Society that you do, and I am not here 2 try 2 take away from that. i just have views that make it hard to Not reply to a post like this. Wish U Well

I'm not sure I agree with that. I met the man who is now my husband via what could easily have been just a one night thing. We have been together for nearly 42 years. I will ctb if - and only if - he dies before me.