I had to convince my therapist I am not a hopeless case.
I thought I gonna kill myself over poverty. Which is still not unlikely. But with the help of a SaSu member I learned about financial aid for disabled people in my country which gave me a passive income for a few hundred Euros. It might be enough to survive.
Finding a gf seems very unlikely. I considered it impossible until I met a woman from a dating app at the beginning of this year. But she ghosted me after getting intimate. I am quite sure she had borderline.
I think both sort of prove miracles can still happen. Rationally I see it is pretty hard to find a partner with my condition. But it seems not to be fully impossible. And this is basically what I do every day waiting for a miracle to happen. I try to be more active. I use dating apps, I go to self-help groups. I give college or working up. I almost killed myself last year because it fucked me up so hard. I try to improve the chances that I miracle happens. But giving up work might decrease my chances to find someone. But I simply cannot endure this torture much longer. If this means I gonna kill myelf in some years so be it. I am way too much of a wreck to hold a job anyway.
I think pessimism and hopelessnes in my case caused by a very deterministic look into the future are difficult to battle. I wonder whether my negative thoughts become a self-fullfilling prophecy when I repeat them over and over in my head. An antidote might be making experiences that contradict one's pessimistic worldview. But what if God or fate does not offer that?
In the end it seems to be a gamble. And I try not to quit the game early. But it is really frustrating.
I thought I gonna kill myself over poverty. Which is still not unlikely. But with the help of a SaSu member I learned about financial aid for disabled people in my country which gave me a passive income for a few hundred Euros. It might be enough to survive.
Finding a gf seems very unlikely. I considered it impossible until I met a woman from a dating app at the beginning of this year. But she ghosted me after getting intimate. I am quite sure she had borderline.
I think both sort of prove miracles can still happen. Rationally I see it is pretty hard to find a partner with my condition. But it seems not to be fully impossible. And this is basically what I do every day waiting for a miracle to happen. I try to be more active. I use dating apps, I go to self-help groups. I give college or working up. I almost killed myself last year because it fucked me up so hard. I try to improve the chances that I miracle happens. But giving up work might decrease my chances to find someone. But I simply cannot endure this torture much longer. If this means I gonna kill myelf in some years so be it. I am way too much of a wreck to hold a job anyway.
I think pessimism and hopelessnes in my case caused by a very deterministic look into the future are difficult to battle. I wonder whether my negative thoughts become a self-fullfilling prophecy when I repeat them over and over in my head. An antidote might be making experiences that contradict one's pessimistic worldview. But what if God or fate does not offer that?
In the end it seems to be a gamble. And I try not to quit the game early. But it is really frustrating.
