
Detour
Detour Ahead
- Oct 25, 2019
- 60
when I get glimpses of hope and a future, as soon as I get them a voice in my head keeps telling me they're not real and to keep thinking about ctb. So this is all I think about all day.
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I personally don't want to get better. Maybe it's because I feel depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and any other so-called negative thing, are a part of me. Eliminating it would simply eliminate more of me.
Ahh yes. I totally know what you mean. Kids are so free. Nothing bothers them and they don't have the ability to overthink like us adults. I miss that.I'm not sure what "better" really means anymore, as it's all just nebulous absurdity and pointlessness. All I feel is the existential dread of knowing that nothing matters, and to believe otherwise is to just futilely attempt to reassemble the pieces of a shattered illusion. Like a kindergartner struggling to piece together a jigsaw puzzle. I wish I could have that again... I was babysitting my niece today and found myself coveting her innocence. It made me sad, but at the same time watching her made me feel human again for the first time in a while.