BipolarGuy
Enlightened
- Aug 6, 2020
- 1,456
Well this is the end of the road for me, ladies and gentlemen.
I came very close to going through with it yesterday, when a good friend from SS reminded me that somebody on here had suggested that their partner may be able to help me find a job. This completely escaped my memory yesterday as I was on a kind of 'autopilot'.
With the best will in the world though, this isn't going to happen fast enough. And realistically it may not happen at all.
I cannot realistically be expected to cling on to the idea of an anonymous person on a suicide forum who, like me, experiences mental health problems, speaking to her partner to help me find a job!
If anyone is wondering why I'm doing this as things did start to look up for me, here is a summary of the two main things I was clinging on to and how they turned out:
1. Helicopter guy
He turned out to be a convicted criminal: admitted to aircraft parts fraud and wire fraud in the USA, due to be sentenced this month. Part of the thing he wanted my help with boils down to tax evasion and possibly also money laundering!
If I get involved and do any work for this guy without first making a SAR (suspicious activity report) to the National Crime Agency, then I may also be drawn into it myself. I'm not sure I wish to help this guy in any case.
This is him (MODS: the below link is publicly available information):
www.ainonline.com
2. Software guy
I wrote about how I had an idea to develop a piece of accounting software, overcoming problems with other accounting software:
In short, the guy turned out to be a damn good coder, but has very little accounting knowledge (hence his software not being fully functional or even compliant), and a piss poor business person.
It's not going ahead despite my best efforts.
So here I am once again.
Along with suffering crippling lows as a result of bipolar, my life has been crazy especially over the past month or so.
It is a long read, but I invite you to have a browse of the following thread, where I summarise just some of the more 'out there' things that have happened to me - by no means a complete list:
I have taken metoclopramide and codeine, with a view to take 'SN'.
Yesterday I believe I got the amount of water I used very wrong anyway, but I'm sorting that out - I'm now preparing.
I haven't eaten since yesterday evening and it's now almost 15:00hrs here. I've actually got a bit of a stomach ache due to being hungry.
Am I nervous?
Damn right I am! Mostly about what I'll experience and how it will feel.
Please pray that it is fast and not too uncomfortable.
I'm not really sure what else to say.
I haven't been a member on here for very long. I first joined in early August but really started contributing a couple of weeks later. Since then I've been very active on the forum.
I've enjoyed being the maverick of the forum and doing my best to bring some balance.
Apart from being incredibly depressed, I am really fucked off that the only plans that seem to work out for me are plans to end my life.
If there is an afterlife, I'll be waiting for you all.
All my love.
Jeremy
(MODS: I'm still preparing and it will take me at least 40 minutes to walk where I'm heading. You'll know when to cross my name out. I plan to comment on here later when I reach where I'm heading)
I came very close to going through with it yesterday, when a good friend from SS reminded me that somebody on here had suggested that their partner may be able to help me find a job. This completely escaped my memory yesterday as I was on a kind of 'autopilot'.
With the best will in the world though, this isn't going to happen fast enough. And realistically it may not happen at all.
I cannot realistically be expected to cling on to the idea of an anonymous person on a suicide forum who, like me, experiences mental health problems, speaking to her partner to help me find a job!
If anyone is wondering why I'm doing this as things did start to look up for me, here is a summary of the two main things I was clinging on to and how they turned out:
1. Helicopter guy
He turned out to be a convicted criminal: admitted to aircraft parts fraud and wire fraud in the USA, due to be sentenced this month. Part of the thing he wanted my help with boils down to tax evasion and possibly also money laundering!
If I get involved and do any work for this guy without first making a SAR (suspicious activity report) to the National Crime Agency, then I may also be drawn into it myself. I'm not sure I wish to help this guy in any case.
This is him (MODS: the below link is publicly available information):
UK Man Pleads Guilty To Aircraft Parts Fraud | AIN
Richard Paul Harper admitted in a plea agreement to switching the fuselages and data plate of a damaged helo and trying to resell it.
www.ainonline.com
2. Software guy
I wrote about how I had an idea to develop a piece of accounting software, overcoming problems with other accounting software:
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/unusual-situation-advice.51502/
In short, the guy turned out to be a damn good coder, but has very little accounting knowledge (hence his software not being fully functional or even compliant), and a piss poor business person.
It's not going ahead despite my best efforts.
So here I am once again.
Along with suffering crippling lows as a result of bipolar, my life has been crazy especially over the past month or so.
It is a long read, but I invite you to have a browse of the following thread, where I summarise just some of the more 'out there' things that have happened to me - by no means a complete list:
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/my-crazy-life.50471/
I have taken metoclopramide and codeine, with a view to take 'SN'.
Yesterday I believe I got the amount of water I used very wrong anyway, but I'm sorting that out - I'm now preparing.
I haven't eaten since yesterday evening and it's now almost 15:00hrs here. I've actually got a bit of a stomach ache due to being hungry.
Am I nervous?
Damn right I am! Mostly about what I'll experience and how it will feel.
Please pray that it is fast and not too uncomfortable.
I'm not really sure what else to say.
I haven't been a member on here for very long. I first joined in early August but really started contributing a couple of weeks later. Since then I've been very active on the forum.
I've enjoyed being the maverick of the forum and doing my best to bring some balance.
Apart from being incredibly depressed, I am really fucked off that the only plans that seem to work out for me are plans to end my life.
If there is an afterlife, I'll be waiting for you all.
All my love.
Jeremy
(MODS: I'm still preparing and it will take me at least 40 minutes to walk where I'm heading. You'll know when to cross my name out. I plan to comment on here later when I reach where I'm heading)
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