Is suicide parents fault?

[destinationlosangel]

Just to make it short, I'm new here. My 14 y.o died by suicide in January. He took my dad gun and shot himself. Since then I blame myself. I remember he told me once " see that's why I don't tell you things, we argue about everything" he basically was saying I'm not a good listener. I'm suppose to die too I can't live with this guilt I feel that I killed him. I love him so much I can't take it anymore. I'm here to find a method.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Its hard to say unless u look at every aspect of ur relationship with ur son. There are many who have ended up here on this forum because of their parents. All I'll say is dont make the same mistake with your other kids. Love them, be there for them, try to understand them and always be honest with them.

 

[badtothebone]

I standed against harassment and attacking groups many times (look at my halo btw I'm so pure ). So did many others. Charlie, Tesha & Chinaski to name a few.

@badtothebone no one here knows the full background, so no one can tell. Many things could've caused it, but it's totally possible you weren't guilty of anything. Sometimes suicide happens for other factors even with extremely good parenting.

I hate telling others what to do but if you can, please endure for your other two kids, they need you more than you think. It's easy to feel a distant or a burden when one is suicidal but a parent is the single most important person in a kid's life. It's a situation when both sides can't be satisfied since fragile kid brains deal with death even worse than parents do.

Thank you so much! I made the first payment to PI to investigate my son suicide. This will give me some type of peace even if it's temporary so I will seek help for my other two children. I know they need me so much and I appreciate your support and straight forward advice! Coming here changed me to the better! I didn't know this site have great people until I made it here!

I'm sorry for your loss. This wasn't your fault. I lost my family very recently and I'm only 18 years old. You should give yourself time to think. I understand you.. I can understand the pain in your heart. I experienced the same pain.

I'm sorry for your loss too! Thank you for understanding-losing loved ones always very painful regardless to how they died. I think losing someone to suicide in general is very unique in grieving and leave loved ones always asking why what did we do wrong!

 

[cryone]

depends completely. my mom literally pushed me to the brink, never listened to me, beat me over being fucking lazy, etc....she was horrible and I remember feeling miserable all the time. but my dad's amazing, and he means everything even though I never open up to him. they didn't offset one another, though. still felt miserable. that's kind of an important point that i'll elaborate on. a negative experience will almost always have a stronger significance than a positive experience. no matter how much love you provide a child, it may never be enough depending on what theyre going through.

I am sorry for your loss. I wouldn't blame yourself, because a parent solely being a bad listener isn't what makes a child suicidal vs not. I can't imagine how hard it is for you. the grief and guilt. Sometimes, it's easy to detect when a parent frames a situation to portray themselves as innocent when they're clearly in the wrong. the famous "why don't my kids visit me anymore?" reddit posts. I don't get that when I read your posts. It sounds like you genuinely care for your son.

 

[suicidaltransgirl]

It's of course not always the parent's fault, but I believe the parent/child relationship plays an important role in most cases. I can't imagine I would be suicidal if my parents were truly loving and supportive, and hadn't abused me as a child. A person who is close with their parents is much less likely to be suicidal in my opinion.

 

[divinemistress36]

If he was suffering from clinical depression then puberty can set it off. My parents didnt do anything wrong and I didnt have a bad childhood yet I still wanted to kill myself. Does mental illness run in your family?

 

[leaftomb]

I'm sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine how this must feel, but I'd say there is no definite answer to this question. From this post it seems you cared a lot about your child, and you couldn't know what was gonna happen. I personally cannot open up to my parents at all, yet I don't blame them for my decision. I know they will suffer but despite it all I love them. I don't know you nor your son but I'm sure he loved you too, even if communication was hard. Again, I'm very sorry for your loss. I hope your child is resting peacefully.

 

[thedevilwithin]

i'm so terribly sorry. nothing in this life is black and white, especially suicide. it isn't your fault. arguments between parent and child happen. the first thought isn't "they may commit suicide over this" no one expects it. this isn't your fault. the love will never die always remember that, i'm sorry again.

❤

If people didn't have children, there would be no suicide. No suffering.

out of all the things you could have said, this is what you wrote? brain damaging stupidity.

 

[Bleneviola]

I suppose sometimes it can be if your parents are abusive. But no. It's not usually. My parents are absolutely the sweetest, kindest and best thing in my life.

 

[badtothebone]

depends completely. my mom literally pushed me to the brink, never listened to me, beat me over being fucking lazy, etc....she was horrible and I remember feeling miserable all the time. but my dad's amazing, and he means everything even though I never open up to him. they didn't offset one another, though. still felt miserable. that's kind of an important point that i'll elaborate on. a negative experience will almost always have a stronger significance than a positive experience. no matter how much love you provide a child, it may never be enough depending on what theyre going through.

I am sorry for your loss. I wouldn't blame yourself, because a parent solely being a bad listener isn't what makes a child suicidal vs not. I can't imagine how hard it is for you. the grief and guilt. Sometimes, it's easy to detect when a parent frames a situation to portray themselves as innocent when they're clearly in the wrong. the famous "why don't my kids visit me anymore?" reddit posts. I don't get that when I read your posts. It sounds like you genuinely care for your son.

Thank you so much for your beautiful response! Reading this is what makes me live until now.. I realised that having children is wrong this life is very horrible and bring children to that is wrong.

If he was suffering from clinical depression then puberty can set it off. My parents didnt do anything wrong and I didnt have a bad childhood yet I still wanted to kill myself. Does mental illness run in your family?

Im not aware of. Going back I can see my son sad back then I didn't think about it but now knowing he's gone it was obvious depression. I don't know why I didn't see it alarming back then.. thank you so much for your supportive response
Thab

i'm so terribly sorry. nothing in this life is black and white, especially suicide. it isn't your fault. arguments between parent and child happen. the first thought isn't "they may commit suicide over this" no one expects it. this isn't your fault. the love will never die always remember that, i'm sorry again.

❤

out of all the things you could have said, this is what you wrote? brain damaging stupidity.

Thank you so much! That's what my sister keeps saying as she argue with her kids all the time

I'm sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine how this must feel, but I'd say there is no definite answer to this question. From this post it seems you cared a lot about your child, and you couldn't know what was gonna happen. I personally cannot open up to my parents at all, yet I don't blame them for my decision. I know they will suffer but despite it all I love them. I don't know you nor your son but I'm sure he loved you too, even if communication was hard. Again, I'm very sorry for your loss. I hope your child is resting peacefully.

I hop so too! Appreciate your support.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's hard to say unless u look at every aspect of ur relationship with ur son. There are many who have ended up here on this forum because of their parents. All I'll say is dont make the same mistake with your other kids. Love them, be there for them, try to understand them and always be honest with them.

Thank you so much for your advice, appreciate it

 

[Darkover]

No parent can guarantee a child's happiness, health, or well-being. Given the potential for a life filled with suffering, that's why it is unethical to impose existence on someone else, yes it's the parents fault for their kids committing suicide because they brought them alive here taking the risk of losing a child to suicide

 

[Manfrotto99]

Very sorry for your loss. In my case it is very much my parents fault. They constantly put me down and used me to take the blame for everything they didnt like or had a hard time accepting about themselves and their lives. They had me just to serve them and play the role of scapegoat. They set me up with such low self worth and esteem that I struggled to function in the world and became the failure that they always told me I was. They saw me as an embarrassment. Most parents thank God are not like them. My parents should not of had children. They were narcissists and no way would ever think they could be to blame for me taking my life, everything was always my fault and always will be.

The fact that you are on here taking blame and questioning yourself suggests to me that it is not the case and it is not as so black and white. Being a parent is not easy, we all learn and make mistakes. When grieving we often tend to blame ourselves as we try and find answers that are often illusive and difficult for us to comprehend.

 

[antihydra]

Your son was frustrated, exhausted and lashing out. From my understanding, it's common for suicidal people to experience directionless anger. I don't believe it was your fault - from what I've read in your replies you seem like you care for him greatly. I am so, so sorry for your loss and hope you can find a place of peace in such a hard time.

 

[Plentiful_Despair]

Technically yes, but it depends, some children can have extreme luck and become happy, so I won't blame every parent. I just don't understand how anyone can have children and be happy. I'm sorry for your loss and you are probably a good parent I guess, but the idea of bringing a child into THIS world is one of the greatest crimes I can think of. It's just too cruel for me. Because if the child isn't born, nothing is lost. But IF a child is born, then it will certainly experience suffering like every other human. It seems so unnecessary to me to disturb the non-existence.

 

[badtothebone]

No parent can guarantee a child's happiness, health, or well-being. Given the potential for a life filled with suffering, that's why it is unethical to impose existence on someone else, yes it's the parents fault for their kids committing suicide because they brought them alive here taking the risk of losing a child to suicide

I agree with and thank you so much for your honesty! None told me that. I was young I didn't see how life until later..

Very sorry for your loss. In my case it is very much my parents fault. They constantly put me down and used me to take the blame for everything they didnt like or had a hard time accepting about themselves and their lives. They had me just to serve them and play the role of scapegoat. They set me up with such low self worth and esteem that I struggled to function in the world and became the failure that they always told me I was. They saw me as an embarrassment. Most parents thank God are not like them. My parents should not of had children. They were narcissists and no way would ever think they could be to blame for me taking my life, everything was always my fault and always will be.

The fact that you are on here taking blame and questioning yourself suggests to me that it is not the case and it is not as so black and white. Being a parent is not easy, we all learn and make mistakes. When grieving we often tend to blame ourselves as we try and find answers that are often illusive and difficult for us to comprehend.

Thank you so much for your honest response! I don't sleep if I found out it's my fault for sure I will not stay not even one minute alive. I'm done with this pain I'm just waiting for the PI to access his messages with his friends they were deleted

Your son was frustrated, exhausted and lashing out. From my understanding, it's common for suicidal people to experience directionless anger. I don't believe it was your fault - from what I've read in your replies you seem like you care for him greatly. I am so, so sorry for your loss and hope you can find a place of peace in such a hard time.

Thank you so much @antihydra i hope so. It's hard to live without him and with this guilt but reading your post provided some type of comfort. Appreciate you

Technically yes, but it depends, some children can have extreme luck and become happy, so I won't blame every parent. I just don't understand how anyone can have children and be happy. I'm sorry for your loss and you are probably a good parent I guess, but the idea of bringing a child into THIS world is one of the greatest crimes I can think of. It's just too cruel for me. Because if the child isn't born, nothing is lost. But IF a child is born, then it will certainly experience suffering like every other human. It seems so unnecessary to me to disturb the non-existence.

I totally agree with you and @Darkover but it's too late now.. thank you so much appreciate all of you here

 

[Holu]

Hard to say. In clear cases like parental abuse, then sure the parents bear a lot more responsibility other factors. But the key thing is that there are other factors.

When someone we care for dies, maybe it isn't our fault, but nothing we tell ourselves isn't gonna remove whatever responsibility we feel for their deaths. I have had the fortune of knowing the intents of my two closest friends deaths. I knew it was inevitable, maybe not so soon, but I knew it was coming. If police read through our messages, I assume it would be enough for legal action to be taken, since we discussed methods, self harm, and well… everything.

In the end I know the decision was their own, but doesn't mean I don't feel intense amounts of guilt. Guilt I shared with one's brother and cousin. Guilt I shared with the others mother. Even when they told me it's not my fault it means nothing. I'll carry that guilt until I'm ash, there's no amount of convincing, be it through reason, knowledge, or emotion, that will ever release me of my burden.

 

[badtothebone]

Hard to say. In clear cases like parental abuse, then sure the parents bear a lot more responsibility other factors. But the key thing is that there are other factors.

When someone we care for dies, maybe it isn't our fault, but nothing we tell ourselves isn't gonna remove whatever responsibility we feel for their deaths. I have had the fortune of knowing the intents of my two closest friends deaths. I knew it was inevitable, maybe not so soon, but I knew it was coming. If police read through our messages, I assume it would be enough for legal action to be taken, since we discussed methods, self harm, and well… everything.

In the end I know the decision was their own, but doesn't mean I don't feel intense amounts of guilt. Guilt I shared with one's brother and cousin. Guilt I shared with the others mother. Even when they told me it's not my fault it means nothing. I'll carry that guilt until I'm ash, there's no amount of convincing, be it through reason, knowledge, or emotion, that will ever release me of my burden.

Thank you so much for sharing your story and understanding! Yes no matter what I'll always be and feel guilty. If I did something differently my son prob be alive now.. I wasn't abuser but things I said stupid parenting stuff that should not be said to someone suicidal even tho I didn't know he was it was my job as a parent to protect him..

 

[L0nely]

The only person that could've answered your questions was your son.

None of us know wheter or not it's your fault. None of us know if there was anything that could've saved him. None of us can bring you peace with what we got to say because none of us have any deeper knowledge on the situation. Suicides and reasonings behind them are far too complex to have one fit all answer.

All I got to say is that I'm sorry for your loss and I hope your son is at peace.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

It's not always a parent's fault. I do think a lot of people are having kids when they are emotionally unable to cope with what being a parent is, and I see us dealing with a society now that is broken because people are having kids that shouldn't have been parents.

Neither my parents or grandparents had the emotional maturity, skills or money to have kids.

 

[badtothebone]

The only person that could've answered your questions was your son.

None of us know wheter or not it's your fault. None of us know if there was anything that could've saved him. None of us can bring you peace with what we got to say because none of us have any deeper knowledge on the situation. Suicides and reasonings behind them are far too complex to have one fit all answer.

All I got to say is that I'm sorry for your loss and I hope your son is at peace.

Thank you so much and absolutely! My sister told me the same.. appreciate your honest response

It's not always a parent's fault. I do think a lot of people are having kids when they are emotionally unable to cope with what being a parent is, and I see us dealing with a society now that is broken because people are having kids that shouldn't have been parents.

Neither my parents or grandparents had the emotional maturity, skills or money to have kids.

I don't think I had or have the emotional skills although as a nurse I do help my patients I was unable to save my son and I had no clue.. thank you so much for your support

 

[let.me.let.go87]

Just to make it short, I'm new here. My 14 y.o died by suicide in January. He took my dad gun and shot himself. Since then I blame myself. I remember he told me once " see that's why I don't tell you things, we argue about everything" he basically was saying I'm not a good listener. I'm suppose to die too I can't live with this guilt I feel that I killed him. I love him so much I can't take it anymore. I'm here to find a method.

It depends on the situation. In your case it doesn't sound like it. He just knew your dad had access to a weapon. That doesn't make it your fault. My parents beat us daily and sold me and my younger sister both, in exchange for drugs they let complete strangers take our virginity. My oldest brother killed himself to escape the abuse. Yes in their case his death was their fault. In your case it sounds as if maybe he'd been being bullied or something and you just didn't know. Kids don't always talk to their parents that doesn't make it your fault. There is a massive difference between my parents who to this day show no remorse and didn't even go to my brother funeral, and you suicidal over the death of your son. Massive difference. I'd say there's more to his story you need to find out before you ctb and that may help you

 

[badtothebone]

It depends on the situation. In your case it doesn't sound like it. He just knew your dad had access to a weapon. That doesn't make it your fault. My parents beat us daily and sold me and my younger sister both, in exchange for drugs they let complete strangers take our virginity. My oldest brother killed himself to escape the abuse. Yes in their case his death was their fault. In your case it sounds as if maybe he'd been being bullied or something and you just didn't know. Kids don't always talk to their parents that doesn't make it your fault. There is a massive difference between my parents who to this day show no remorse and didn't even go to my brother funeral, and you suicidal over the death of your son. Massive difference. I'd say there's more to his story you need to find out before you ctb and that may help you

Omg I literally cried reading your post! Thank you so much for telling me your story and I'm so sorry that you have experienced this evil! Yes I hired private investigator to search his social media and discord chat. Everything was deleted but he's going to try to find the last history.. appreciate you and your supportive post, it means a lot!

 

[let.me.let.go87]

Omg I literally cried reading your post! Thank you so much for telling me your story and I'm so sorry that you have experienced this evil! Yes I hired private investigator to search his social media and discord chat. Everything was deleted but he's going to try to find the last history.. appreciate you and your supportive post, it means a lot!

That wasn't my goal I just wanted you to know how different people can't be towards their kids. But I'm glad you're trying to find out what actually drove him to that point. I'm sure that's what he would want

 

[badtothebone]

That wasn't my goal I just wanted you to know how different people can't be towards their kids. But I'm glad you're trying to find out what actually drove him to that point. I'm sure that's what he would want

Thank you so much!

 

[mellowdependency]

If people didn't have children, there would be no suicide. No suffering.

Exactly, it's always technically the parents fault in the end, since they gave birth to the child.

 

[shadow999]

Just to make it short, I'm new here. My 14 y.o died by suicide in January. He took my dad gun and shot himself. Since then I blame myself. I remember he told me once " see that's why I don't tell you things, we argue about everything" he basically was saying I'm not a good listener. I'm suppose to die too I can't live with this guilt I feel that I killed him. I love him so much I can't take it anymore. I'm here to find a method.

OP, in my case, were I to commit suicide, it would be my parents fault to some degree, they abused me which gave me psychosis and depression. I don't know all the details of your story so I don't know that you should blame yourself. I understand you are suffering, I hope you find peace and wish you the best.

 

[badtothebone]

OP, in my case, were I to commit suicide, it would be my parents fault to some degree, they abused me which gave me psychosis and depression. I don't know all the details of your story so I don't know that you should blame yourself. I understand you are suffering, I hope you find peace and wish you the best.

Thank you @shadow999 for your response. I never abused my children. I blame myself because I used to argue with him all the time about sleeping early, eating the same thing, or other small things I'm afraid this was add on but I don't know..

 

[Sunghoon]

Just to make it short, I'm new here. My 14 y.o died by suicide in January. He took my dad gun and shot himself. Since then I blame myself. I remember he told me once " see that's why I don't tell you things, we argue about everything" he basically was saying I'm not a good listener. I'm suppose to die too I can't live with this guilt I feel that I killed him. I love him so much I can't take it anymore. I'm here to find a method.

I'm still "young" I just turned 18 a while ago and I had attempts at 14. Personally, after I successfully ctb, I wouldn't want my parents to feel guilty their whole life. My parents weren't good with acknowledging my feelings either. like whenever I would ask for help they would call me things or they would tell me to hurry up and kill myself or they would say that I would kill them before I got the chance to kill myself out of anger. But I wouldn't want them to feel at fault forever. We're all human and parents have emotions and little breakdowns too but I wouldn't say it's entirely Ur fault I think Ur son wouldn't want you to feel this way + you have two other kids so maybe try and be strong for them? I wish you the best tho <3

 

[badtothebone]

I'm still "young" I just turned 18 a while ago and I had attempts at 14. Personally, after I successfully ctb, I wouldn't want my parents to feel guilty their whole life. My parents weren't good with acknowledging my feelings either. like whenever I would ask for help they would call me things or they would tell me to hurry up and kill myself or they would say that I would kill them before I got the chance to kill myself out of anger. But I wouldn't want them to feel at fault forever. We're all human and parents have emotions and little breakdowns too but I wouldn't say it's entirely Ur fault I think Ur son wouldn't want you to feel this way + you have two other kids so maybe try and be strong for them? I wish you the best tho <3

Thank you so much @Sunghoon for sharing your story and for your honest response. I'm also very sorry that your parents told you to kill your self or kill then! This is so toxic how can you even say that to a child. You're right we all human we're not perfect but I could never hurt my son feelings like that. I feel guilty because my son death was a shock to me, to his family, to his school and to the whole community. Why because he was smiling all the time he was very friendly I never thought never about something like that. But after my son passed away I started searching to learn more about reasons behind suicide and most of them lead to parents neglect, depression, anxiety, bullying or peer pressure. I know I wasn't there for my son all the time he used to play games online specially during Covid so I didn't see isolation as an issue giving that we all isolated ourself during Covid with online schooling and gaming. The night before he passed away we had an argument and the next day he killed himself so it's obvious It's my fault. I will live with this pain and suffer or kill my self and have my 2 children suffer. I will never forgive myself for son death. I'm going to be just an empty person have nothing but pain inside me.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Just to make it short, I'm new here. My 14 y.o died by suicide in January. He took my dad gun and shot himself. Since then I blame myself. I remember he told me once " see that's why I don't tell you things, we argue about everything" he basically was saying I'm not a good listener. I'm suppose to die too I can't live with this guilt I feel that I killed him. I love him so much I can't take it anymore. I'm here to find a method.

This is one of those questions that isn't universal. Sometimes is it yeah? Are some people pushed into yeah. Sometimes is it them alone? Yeah. Sometimes is it other things. Yeah? But honestly what I can say for sure is that it isn't only ever one thing but many. You need multiple factors ticked. The more you tick the closer the person winds up to being in a pine box.

What are you looking for? Permission to die? Someone telling you it is your fault? Absolution? We are strangers no one here knows you or his relationship.

End of the day he was 14. 14 year old aren't exactly known for making good decisions or respecting their parents. You also seem to care. In fact a lot. Just caring is better then the vast vast majority of people/parents.

 

[davidtorez]

Every kid deserves a good parent,but not every parent deserves to be a parent. I'm at this point in my life because of my parents and family. If you can't be a parent then you should not have kids in the first place. Never listening, always arguing thinking that they know everything. I'm sorry. My words are not for you but my parents.

Well said.