Is nothing but just straight up emptiness stopping you from CTB'ING?

[M1sT]

I have SN, AE, Beta Blocker and everything essential for my death date but when I let myself slip into the thoughts of CTB, I am just left empty and can't plan anything. I have strong reasons to leave my life behind like Schizophrenia, I was molested multiple times by my cousin, Getting bullied everyday in school, neglecting parents and dumbass elder siblings, the brain rotting society in my country who still kills people in the name of Religion(please I'm not offensive to any religion), and my pitch black future, no social life at all and I'm still 18.
But when I actually think about doing it, my mind goes blank just by thinking it and I can't do it. I don't know I just don't have a good sense of my feelings and probably lack many but mainly it's the emptiness from what I experience.
Does this happen with anyone?
And do give suggestions to think what I need as a last push!

 

[UKscotty]

No one can give you that last push, we only leave once our SI is gone and ready.

I know lots of people talk about how much they hate life etc etc but we do truly end it once ready. There are no shortcuts, the people who know the secret to SI have left this life.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It's not that easy, unfortunately. It's kinda SI that "protects" you from the actual act. I think our personal situations are so much different but when I was really down at my lowest, being ready to go with my method, I had thoughts like "I'd miss out on sth" although there was nothing to miss out, and some other stuff like "false hope" but that's actually SI that wants to keep you alive regardless of any kind of suffering.

When you're really ready to go it's possible to overcome SI, when the fear of death becomes less than the fear of a life in agony, pain and suffering. When you're ready to go you will be able to go. But actually we humans can endure so much more agony and suffering we cannot even imagine.

 

[mortuarymary]

A few things for me. Family, my partner, my dogs and hope.
Hope for a better meds. Hope for long Covid to fuck off. I hope for lots. The hoping is keeping me here. Plus, I'm shit scared of dying.