paska_paska
A living ghost
- Sep 30, 2023
- 38
I am currently a young adult. I have been extremely depressed and suicidal for the last 7-8 years of my life, and I have attempted CTB around 15 times before. I have diagnosed long-term depression and some kind of personality disorder. My childhood was extremely traumatising, and I can't even remember most of my life before I turned 11 years old. I also don't really have any friends.
On the outside my life doesn't seem too bad, I'm currently studying and I've been in a relationship for almost 6 months now. There's nothing too noticeable going on in my day to day living.
Yet I still am in relatively large debt and I don't have any way to pay it off, other than turning to sex work.
I've been seriously contemplating CTB for a couple months now. In my previous attempts I mostly wanted to get help, use an attempt to take my own life as a "cry for help". Now I am sure my goal is to CTB. I know that it's just my mental illness that's making me think this way, but I can't see past it. I can't imagine any kind of future for myself, and I feel that I have to CTB. I don't have any other choice.
On the outside my life doesn't seem too bad, I'm currently studying and I've been in a relationship for almost 6 months now. There's nothing too noticeable going on in my day to day living.
Yet I still am in relatively large debt and I don't have any way to pay it off, other than turning to sex work.
I've been seriously contemplating CTB for a couple months now. In my previous attempts I mostly wanted to get help, use an attempt to take my own life as a "cry for help". Now I am sure my goal is to CTB. I know that it's just my mental illness that's making me think this way, but I can't see past it. I can't imagine any kind of future for myself, and I feel that I have to CTB. I don't have any other choice.
