Is it weird that i feel sad about dying?

[Rachel]

I mean Ive wanted to kill myself since I was 13. Ive already come to terms with it. Im 22. But now Im ready to go through with it. This world has nothing for me. I do feel sad though which I find weird since planning my suicide never caused these feelings before. Maybe its because I plan on going through with it soon? I need to go before the weeks over. Anywho~ I always wanted to die on a rainy day. I love the rain. Its suppose to rain Wednesday to Sunday this week... So yayy I guess

 

[skyofAuroras]

It makes sense that you would feel a little sad about it. Personally the thought of dying makes me feel peaceful but also sad. It's sad to think that we've been pushed to prefer death rather than life. Just my thoughts.

 

[Sidestep]

The thought of my death makes me sad at times. Sad that I'll never hear music that makes me feel whole again. Sad that I'll never bring my stories to life with art and words. Sad that I'll never learn the secrets that nature holds. Sad that I'll never again be able to bring my purpose and meaning to the world. But then reconcile myself with the fact that when I'm dead I may not have a consciousness around to remember or care about these things anymore. I'm still left feeling hollow though.

 

[TheSternal]

I think we all at times feel sad thinking about our potential suicide. I believe my sadness means I still have hope, which despite what I say I do hope for a better outcome. It's such a strange thing this life we have. I recommend figuring out where this sadness is coming from, is it because you still have hope or the possibility of a better life? I'm rambling a bit but I enjoy typing out what I am trying to figure out for myself as well

 

[Kev]

No, it's not at all. I don't think most of us here think death is the most optimal choice. I think we'd all prefer to live good, happy, meaningful lives, but sometimes that is just not possible, so we pick the next best alternative to end our suffering. In the most general terms, the favorability of outcomes goes like this: good happy life > death > life full of suffering. It is normal to be sad that we cannot have the good happy life, but also to refuse to live a life full of suffering.

 

[Miss clefable]

The opposite I would feel peaceful and happy

 

[PatKat]

I did not feel sad for both my attempts. I felt a feeling of pure happiness as i faded out the last time. Most peaceful moment I have ever felt...

 

[Miss clefable]

I did not feel sad for both my attempts. I felt a feeling of pure happiness as i faded out the last time. Most peaceful moment I have ever felt...

Exactly this

 

[wanttodie]

The opposite I would feel peaceful and happy

me to The opposite I would feel peaceful and happy

 

[Ssname]

I think it would be more uncommon to not feel sad

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

It's normal to feel sad about death

 

[No Future]

This world has nothing for me. I do feel sad though which I find weird since planning my suicide never caused these feelings before. Maybe its because I plan on going through with it soon?

We've contextualized death as being a sentimental event. Death carries weight. All we've known is experienced whilst being alive. There's no point of reference or comparison for beyond that, and so that's a lot to unpack internally.

Departing all you've ever known is no small task, and the worldly implications of doing so are rarely simple, even if they're due to be irrelevant.

Of course it's natural to feel sad about it, don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

 

[Ella Disenchanted]

I feel immense sadness at the knowledge of being gone soon.

 

[Bodylotion]

It's normal, I think. I'll feel sad also when I will do it. but at the same time I'm done with life.

 

[Phro]

I am sad, but accepting, that life has brought me to this point.

 

[solacely]

I go back and forth between being sad about dying and being at peace with it

 

[skitliv]

I go back and forth between being sad about dying and being at peace with it

This is how it works for me too

 

[Ella Disenchanted]

I go back and forth between being sad about dying and being at peace with it

True. Sometimes I get positively happy about the thought but sadly it never lasts.

 

[Caustic Cardinals]

my sadness is more about having never known unconditional love.

 

[GeorgeEastman]

I can't imagine it myself. The dying process scares me, but the other side I know is so great. Yet here I am too dumb to get going. I feel like a huge idiot for keeping on living. I know it sucks. I know it's a waste of time.

But my coworkers and distant relatives would be shocked, oh no. God, what an idiot. My mind tries hard to convince itself they all truly hate me. I shouldn't even give a damn. Stupid as hell for continuing this farce called life.

 

[Deleted_9cKnXB34QG]

Well, sometimes I feel sad that it came to this, that I will have to kill myself.
But dying itself, nah, it is what it is - just a part of life.

 

[Elpsis]

Not weird at all. Lots of us believe that we've only been given one life, so missing out on all kinds of amazing experiences is naturally gonna feel pretty unpleasant. Just imagine all the best pleasures/experiences/activities that you'd want to have access to in this world and then imagine exiting before you've done everything within your power to try and make them happen. Obvs most people on earth do get to enjoy such cardinal pleasures, and our ancestors could never have dreamt of being born into a world with the kind of opportunities we have

 

[weedoge]

Not weird at all. Lots of us believe that we've only been given one life, so missing out on all kinds of amazing experiences is naturally gonna feel pretty unpleasant. Just imagine all the best pleasures/experiences/activities that you'd want to have access to in this world and then imagine exiting before you've done everything within your power to try and make them happen. Obvs most people on earth do get to enjoy such cardinal pleasures, and our ancestors could never have dreamt of being born into a world with the kind of opportunities we have

It's not necessarily such a loss, objectively speaking, for a person to lose their life early. The timespan of the universe and the planet alone is far more than our entire species and that's all far far more than any one of our lives. Individuals don't matter to the real world and if we want to drop out early it might not be such a loss to such an individual. If you've spent plenty of time learning things, learning about the world around you, I've experience some pretty nice things, and I know about pretty much everything else that there is available to experience. There's some amazing things out there I won't get to see, but when I die anyway my memory and those experiences will become nothing. So it's not always a big deal to check out early, let the other 8 billion people in the world enjoy those experiences, because my dying isn't going to affect that. Those experiences aren't going to be wasted just because I died. Nbd.

 

[Elpsis]

Yeah true but why be content with other people getting to have good experiences? Surely we all want good experiences for ourselves lol

I do get your point about the infinitesimally small scale of our impact on the universe. But that doesn't stop people having a great time going on holiday, having sex, getting drunk etc. The fact that its all gonna be snatched from us eventually is arguably more of a reason to try and reach our goals while alive or die trying

 

[weedoge]

Yeah true but why be content with other people getting to have good experiences? Surely we all want good experiences for ourselves lol

I do get your point about the infinitesimally small scale of our impact on the universe. But that doesn't stop people having a great time going on holiday, having sex, getting drunk etc. The fact that its all gonna be snatched from us eventually is arguably more of a reason to try and reach our goals while alive or die trying

I just feel that, for myself, I understand that I will forget all of my experiences anyway. I don't care that the impact is low but that I am literally wasting my time because I'll forget it all when I die anyway.

 

[Elpsis]

If you let your hair down and focus on enjoying things you don't have to be fixated on the existential destiny of your soul. Are you busy contemplating the agonies of existence while eating an excellent steak, having sex with a beautiful person or getting drunk on a great night out with mates? If no, then that is what we should be gunning for

I respect your opinion regarding yourself though

 

[GeorgeEastman]

eating an excellent steak, having sex with a beautiful person or getting drunk on a great night out with mates? If no, then that is what we should be gunning for

Oh, I have many pastimes. But suicidal thinking is one of them. The thought of giving it up makes me want to puke. Suicidal thinking is a hell of a rush, and it especially was back when I was young and had enough energy to bring me to almost actually doing it.

I used to drive around with a gun in the trunk. Those were the days. I'd get off random exits on the interstate and say this is it. Sit there, freak out like an idiot and drive off. Knowing I was so close to doing it though. I'd stick the gun in my mouth all the time.

I don't know. Hell, I'm sick in the head. I'll admit that. I can have stuff like what you said there AND this. And any of them will kill you in the end anyway, so why not this? I'm keeping this.

 

[weedoge]

If you let your hair down and focus on enjoying things you don't have to be fixated on the existential destiny of your soul. Are you busy contemplating the agonies of existence while eating an excellent steak, having sex with a beautiful person or getting drunk on a great night out with mates? If no, then that is what we should be gunning for

I respect your opinion regarding yourself though

Yeah, I'm not trying to be rude to you anymore anyway. You're right that I'm not worried about the existential destiny of my soul when engaging in earthly pleasures, but those thoughts aren't my reason for wanting to die. They're just a helpful justification to myself.

I don't have mates, I'm genuinely an outlier in everybody that I've ever met that I've done an amazing job at cutting every single healthy friendship I've ever had off. No matter how many times I try, I will always sabotage myself. There are few things that I still enjoy and anything I do enjoy is inaccessible and constantly tainted by other thoughts and feelings that I can't begin to describe here. I don't have mates, I don't have sex, I don't eat excellent steaks. For some of us there's no other way it's just how it is. Nothing really matters anymore you know.

 

[InsidiousDormouse]

I see it like an older person must see it when they're facing their last days. That I have had a good life to this point and my life is coming to it's natural conclusion. If I was meant to live any longer than this, then some force or other in the universe will make it so, if not, I will die once I have secured my method and place to do it. I hope it will be sooner rather than later because my symptoms are unbearable. Also I believe I have seriously damaged my brain and nervous system by gulping down shit tons of those 'research chemical' benzos, I think if I allowed myself to naturally age I think I will develop dementia, maybe something like Parkinson's disease or other diseases of the brain and nervous system. This would make me an even bigger burden on those I care about.

I am already a huge burden, my mum pays for this support service for me and they don't really provide, my mum's wasted so much money on me.

I have not felt genuinely sad for a long time, if I do I never express it or show it, I am well versed in not showing my true emotions. I look forward to finding out if death really is the end, if not I will get to see my dad and stepdad again, and all the people who've left before me.

People I know will move on, my mum will try to avenge my death by berating the social services and medical services that have let me down over the years, my husband probably won't ever get over it, but he'll accept it and live with it, he's a stoic type a bit like me, him more so by nature and childhood hardships though rather than myself, by experience, e.g benzo withdrawal.

The one I worry about the most is my dog, she has at least another 6 years left, otherwise I would wait for her and come with her when she goes, but I can't hold on that long. She will cry for me every day, she will be shattered by this. She's the only reason I did not go in the spring this year, I thought about a quicker, more violent method like jumping off somewhere, but I wanted to spend more time with her.


The part of this I spose saddens me some is how preventable this was, if I had received decent medical care, intensive specialist support, proper detox, slow taper etc, I may not be at this point now. I think part of me is still scraping the bottom of the barrel looking for these things that are not there now. No time left for me to be sad, I need to concentrate on getting the hell out of dodge. x

 

[nzdarkshark]

I more feel anxious about it - sad because I'll hurt people who love and care for me. But it has to be this way.