is it too late for you?

[violetforever]

does anyone else feel like theyve lived such a painful existence up to this point that nothing could make a difference? im not even 25 yet and since childhood ive never seen a future or care if i have one. i guess at my age time is still considered to be on my side but i dont even have use for it. i wouldnt even be able to appreciate getting things i wanted anymore with how suicidal i am. it feels too late for change. i used to want my license and a car for freedom and now i only want it to kill myself. i changed all my goals for life to be goals towards killing myself.

 

[Canto XIII]

Same boat, except I'm 27 already. I used to imagine grandiose stuff for my future, but I feel like my ship has sailed.

(I'm just talking about myself though, it may not be the same for other people my age or older.)

 

[violetforever]

Same boat, except I'm 27 already. I used to imagine grandiose stuff for my future, but I feel like my ship has sailed.

i feel like i never let myself dream too much because i knew my life would never turn out to be anything more than tolerable. i feel like a person who is solely built on trauma and it distorts and affects everything in life. why do you personally feel that way?

 

[peacebenow]

I am so much older than you and sadly, yes, it is too late for me. I so wish it wasn't. getting your license and freedom to drive would be amazing. blasting the music while driving is such an exhilarating sense of freedom.

 

[COP2CON]

It was too late for me 30 years ago. Now there's absolutely no turning the car around because I've made such a shitshow of my life.

 

[Canto XIII]

i feel like i never let myself dream too much because i knew my life would never turn out to be anything more than tolerable. i feel like a person who is solely built on trauma and it distorts and affects everything in life. why do you personally feel that way?

A lot of little (maybe not so little lol) things, I guess. I've still to get my bachelor, I've never had a job or money of my own, I've never had a relationship, I haven't moved a single step towards the goals I had as a teenager. This is what comes to mind in this moment. I feel like even if I magically accomplished all of this tomorrow, it'd still not be the same at this point, it wouldn't be a true accomplishment, and it'd be ruined by my existential fatigue and the regret of not getting there sooner (then again, someone else might not feel the same). But the fact is that the reason I haven't already is something wrong with my mind, which I still can't understand fully, despite having long observed it, but I know is part of me, so I know I won't manage to get there and have a fulfilling life. That's especially the reason why I said I don't think it's necessarily the same for everyone.

 

[roastedpotato5230]

i used to want my license and a car for freedom and now i only want it to kill myself. i changed all my goals for life to be goals towards killing myself.

this is so relatable i literally scheduled my road test after months of putting it off because i realized i needed it to ctb

 

[violetforever]

I am so much older than you and sadly, yes, it is too late for me. I so wish it wasn't. getting your license and freedom to drive would be amazing. blasting the music while driving is such an exhilarating sense of freedom.

It was too late for me 30 years ago. Now there's absolutely no turning the car around because I've made such a shitshow of my life.

im afraid ill just keep adding mistakes to my life on top of the ones ive already made that put me here if i live to be any older. thank u guys for being honest. i hate this life for all of us

this is so relatable i literally scheduled my road test after months of putting it off because i realized i needed it to ctb

what method are u needing to use a car for to ctb? or u just mean to be able to go buy necessary stuff for ctb or reach a ctb location? sometimes i want to just drive off a cliff and hope the car explodes and i die in it.

A lot of little (maybe not so little lol) things, I guess. I've still to get my bachelor, I've never had a job or money of my own, I've never had a relationship, I haven't moved a single step towards the goals I had as a teenager. This is what comes to mind in this moment. I feel like even if I magically accomplished all of this tomorrow, it'd still not be the same at this point, it wouldn't be a true accomplishment, and it'd be ruined by my existential fatigue and the regret of not getting there sooner (then again, someone else might not feel the same). But the fact is that the reason I haven't already is something wrong with my mind, which I still can't understand fully, despite having long observed it, but I know is part of me, so I know I won't manage to get there and have a fulfilling life. That's especially the reason why I said I don't think it's necessarily the same for everyone.

ive never had any of those either. your entire post sounds like me if i went into detail so i know how you feel. i wouldnt consider those things very little either, especially at our ages. i feel like ctb is all thats left to do if you dont move at the regular pace of life with everyone else and have disadvantages. theres a sadness forever of years you lost and wont get back. no accomplishment makes up for it. getting my license didnt matter at this age because its something that shouldve already been done. i just hate myself in everything i do.

 

[Hollowman]

I'm twice you age and it's been too late for a loooong time. Wish I would've ctb when I was sixteen.

 

[Kokonoe]

does anyone else feel like theyve lived such a painful existence up to this point that nothing could make a difference? im not even 25 yet and since childhood ive never seen a future or care if i have one. i guess at my age time is still considered to be on my side but i dont even have use for it. i wouldnt even be able to appreciate getting things i wanted anymore with how suicidal i am. it feels too late for change. i used to want my license and a car for freedom and now i only want it to kill myself. i changed all my goals for life to be goals towards killing myself.

i relate a lot. i'm only 23 and i also feel like my life is already completely over, like it's entirely too late. i've suffered through so much trauma that i can barely function anymore and continuing to live just only lets it pile on more and get worse. it feels almost impossible to live because of things like that.
ive also never seen or even really wanted a future of any sort for myself since childhood. i've never really had any real interest in life.
i also used to want my license and a car for freedom, too, but it feels like it wouldn't change nearly enough anymore, obviously. really nothing would.
i'm still sorta young, but i feel past the point of meaningful change in my life. i feel like i've already run out of time. and i feel too broken for change even if i had more time left.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm 46. It's not so much my age that is holding me back- although obviously- it plays a factor. It's more my attitude towards life though. I was making big life changes right up to my early forties but now, all my determination is gone and I feel as if I'm running on empty.

 

[roastedpotato5230]

what method are u needing to use a car for to ctb? or u just mean to be able to go buy necessary stuff for ctb or reach a ctb location?

just buying stuff, im still with my parents for the rest of summer break til i get to college.

one of my earilier plans was jumping so i would have needed it either way

 

[death over slavery]

20 here. I feel like I'm already too late building or investing for my future (not that I care anyway), but what's not late for me is to enjoy the remaining time I have here in whatever I want as long as it makes me happy. Video games, binge watching, reading, going out – all of those I can finally experience while I'm in my "prime" 20s.

 

[Ashu]

Same boat, except I'm 27 already. I used to imagine grandiose stuff for my future, but I feel like my ship has sailed.

(I'm just talking about myself though, it may not be the same for other people my age or older.)

Just curious: canto 13 of the Inferno, the Purgatorio, or the Paradiso? I go through Dante periods and am about to cycle back again, but I don't remember what happens specifically in a canto 13.

I'm 46. It's not so much my age that is holding me back- although obviously- it plays a factor. It's more my attitude towards life though. I was making big life changes right up to my early forties but now, all my determination is gone and I feel as if I'm running on empty.

I'm ten years older than you. The good thing about aging, for our tribe, is that with every passing month it becomes more and more likely that nature is going to do the job for you. It's highly likely, there is strong evidence, that over years of not going to a doctor I have developed a cancer, so in the end I will have accomplished passively what I five times failed to do actively.

 

[Pluto]

 

[Canto XIII]

ive never had any of those either. your entire post sounds like me if i went into detail so i know how you feel. i wouldnt consider those things very little either, especially at our ages. i feel like ctb is all thats left to do if you dont move at the regular pace of life with everyone else and have disadvantages. theres a sadness forever of years you lost and wont get back. no accomplishment makes up for it. getting my license didnt matter at this age because its something that shouldve already been done. i just hate myself in everything i do.

Well, don't take what I say too seriously now, I'm just a mentally ill moron on the Internet. I didn't intend for you to project all of that onto yourself. We're different people and I don't know you, so it's entirely possible what I say doesn't apply to you. A lot of people live happy and fulfilling life after going through dark times.

Just curious: canto 13 of the Inferno, the Purgatorio, or the Paradiso? I go through Dante periods and am about to cycle back again, but I don't remember what happens specifically in a canto 13.

Canto XIII of the Inferno, where Dante and Vergil visit the circle where suicides and squanderers are punished. Very beautiful piece of poetry. A bit on the nose on my part.

It's highly likely, there is strong evidence, that over years of not going to a doctor I have developed a cancer, so in the end I will have accomplished passively what I five times failed to do actively.

Are you sure not consulting a doctor is good? Everything else aside, that risks to turn into a very painful situation from a physical point of view, doesn't it? And if you change your mind, it's going to be a problem.

 

[CatLvr]

Dammit!! You made me laugh outloud. AGAIN ...

 

[DanielDanDean]

I think it's too late
When I was a child i thought that whenever I'd be an adult I would be happy because I would do "what I wanted", my teen years were split between drugs, good moments and traumas but I kept trying because "things will maybe be better one day!"
They were, for 5 years then my ex cheated on me, dumped me and I realised that all the work I had done since those 5 years to offer us a good situation was for nothing and I could just have continued to drug myself and do nothing (or just died who knows).
Since I know that whatever I do, life will suck for me I'm not motivated by anything, I just want it to end

 

[walsun]

yes.
yes it is! way too late in so many ways.
you never really realise it, but the intellect; i.e the CONSCIOUS observer knows what's best for you.
in all ways, for me it is functionally over.
no amount of rewiring can fix something physical and tangible.
looking to ctb within a few months ( 1-3 )
have panic attacks over it for a while but considering i've already attempted numerous times before the age of 18, i don't think it'll be too much of a hassle, i know what's in store for me coming on, and ctb-ing is just the natural response.
gotta blunt my SI, and it'll be over soon, thank the heavens!

 

[Lost Impact]

I have no goals, no future aspirations, no resources, no education, can't drive, can't work. I'm a leech and I can't wait to exit the mortal coil because this life is completely wasted. I've never genuinely lived and I have no real experiences and there's no point or realistic way to start now. My life ended when I was 15 and I can't ever get it back or live normally. I'm too fucked in the head. The people that have any hope for me are sorely delusional.

 

[RadiantNumber]

Yes. 31 years, no job, outdated skills, no life, no strength, no plans, no job

 

[limenlux]

I puttered around aimlessly for most of my 20s, finally started pulling it together, then became physically disabled 7 years later on the verge of a major promotion at my job that would have set me on a life-saving trajectory. It's literally, medically too late for me.

 

[marmota]

I feel like that too. Im 20 but i have been having suicidal thoughts since 12 or 13 and never cared about my future. The older i get the more i hate myself and the more i hate the fact that i hate things.