
Lizerd
New Member
- Mar 12, 2023
- 3
Every second of my life is torture and I know it won't ever get better, part of that is just my situation but other parts is just my character being fucked and horrible and stupid and ruining every chance I get to at least have a bit of fake happiness, yet everyone around me says there's always a chance to be better and I have to live for that. How can a person say that when they have never lived as me. I know there isn't a chance but everyone will try to convince me otherwise. I think they're all liars or just haven't thought hard enough. Everyone who tells me this just wants to keep me alive so THEY can keep talking to me and because THEY don't want to lose me. I don't think they're actually try to emphasise with me for even a second all they care about is keeping me alive so I can keep on people pleasing everyone I talk to and keep on being funny and keep on doing everything I can to make other people laugh or just be happier. But I hate that. Some of them say death is horrible and life is precious so I should keep living but how tad they know? They've never died. And maybe THEYRE life is precious but mine isn't I don't hold any love for the life I live I would do anything to make it go away, and death is a natural part of the cycle of life so why does it matter if I speed it up. Why are people trying to decide what I should do with my own body it's MY body and MY choice so why are THEY telling ME what to do with it what happened to bodily autonomy. I should be able to die so I can finally stop suffering but they force me to stay because they hate the thought of me not making them happy anymore, even if I'm in pain and fighting for a worthless future the whole time, is that not selfish? Suicide isn't selfish them FORCING me to stay is selfish. Maybe if I wasn't such a people pleaser I would've finally jumped by now but instead I just hang outside my window instead and fantasize about a death everybody around me refuses to let me have. I hope I don't start hating them. Do u guys ever feel the same? Do u ever feel like they're selfish or am I a close minded idiot. What do u guys think