God it feels ridiculous even writing that title lol, I'm aware it makes me seem vain and probably awful. I had a terrible childhood my dad is a violent, disgusting individual, who systemically destroyed my self esteem. However as I became a teenager I was attractive and found myself able to attract women quite easily and have constructed my only sense of self around that. I have not and would not ever be arrogant about it, and if you met me you would not think of me as self absorbed. I really hate myself and I'm very insecure.
Of course it makes me feel good it's the only good thing in a sea of depression and anxiety and self hate.
i hate seeming arrogant but when i see stuff on here like "being good looking makes life easy". Well I'm here, desperate to kill myself, because I'm getting older, I created such a fragile sense of well being based on looks when that begins to fade I've got nothing left. That's not a nice feeling to have.
sorry if I in any way come across conceited, arrogant or self absorbed. I had no other way of writing it. But yeah my point is that is my main reason for killing myself. I self harm a lot, really bad. I have told countless therapists, are you able to cure baldness? Then no you can't fix this and neither can I.
again I apologize if I come across badly, I'm not arrogant and I hate myself