is it just me who has no SI

[untimelydemise]

i dont believe i have any SI or self preservation. its like any oppurtunity ill take in any attempt to ctb or harm myself. i can just swallow masses of pills, injest objects, slice my skin to need stitches and tie ligs withuout any care apaet from failing. idk if i had a opp for like jumping or SN or N there would be no hesitation.im ready im just a walking corpse

 

[WornOutLife]

Well, if you have no SI, I wanna let you know that I really envy you.

 

[AvaAdore]

If someone was trying to smother you do you think you would try to fight them off?

 

[untimelydemise]

If someone was trying to smother you do you think you would try to fight them off?

no i dont care about licing and i barely feel pain so no

 

[Mentalmick]

You're the perfect candidate then.

 

[Deleted member 8782]

I thought I had no SI too until I tried to ctb. Might be the same for you.

 

[RealHumanBean]

Bit of a catch-22... You say you have no SI, but you're still here. Can't really say for sure until something fatal occurs, and then you won't be saying anything at all.

 

[mirko]

I like to think I don't have any SI but unlike you I wouldn't stand any self-harm.

 

[Amumu]

I have very low SI as well. I'm currently alive for other reasons, but it won't last.

 

[Soulless Angel]

Is that no SI or simply no pain threshold, I feel there is a difference, as someone said if you really had no SI why are you here, have you tried to CTB and found you had no SI?

I have been stood on top of a bridge, my SI didn't exist, I had none, this has happened twice, One time I wasn't intending to CTB, but knowing I could just fall at any moment was freeing, I had no fear, I had no care.
I self harm often, I have no SI there, because its not about CTB, its about harming myself in a different way, I don't see how SI would play a part in that,

 

[untimelydemise]

I thought I had no SI too until I tried to ctb. Might be the same for you.

i have.... and went through.just was found as im in supported accomodation on regular checks

 

[ClairyFairy]

I thought I had no si but found out it reared it's unwanted ugly head when I was unconscious

 

[muffin222]

I don't know. I personally don't believe in the power of the "SI" people name on here as their reason for staying alive.

I stay alive despite being chronically suicidal because there's a small part of me that still harbors hope that my life can improve by persevering long enough. If that part of me didn't exist, I would be dead already.

It's a very simplistic stance that angers many people on here, but I believe that suicide itself is straightforward: if we want to do it badly enough, we will. If even a fraction of us doesn't truly want to die or is uncertain, we won't. "SI" has little to do with it, in my opinion.

I think people who blame "SI" for not being able to ctb are just in denial about the fact that they're not 100% certain about dying.

But, that uncertainty is normal- dying is forever and the choice is irreversible. There's no shame in being on the fence.

 

[Spiral]

I believe SI exists, im also pretty sure if somebody tried to murder me, my SI would kick in and i would try to fight them off because i dont want to be murdered. I think SI is much less when you are calm and following your own plan to go accoording to your wishes. However, nobody has NO SI at all, if you had NONE you could just hold your breath and die without any assistance but nobody can do that because everybody has SI.

 

[Nodscene]

I have a low SI myself. During my 2 previous attempts I was completely calm and had zero anxiety at all.

I've also been in 2 severe car wrecks that were both rollovers at highway speeds (well, above the posted limit haha) and my emotions were literally the same as they were when I was just driving. No heart rate increase or anything.

I think part of it has to do with the fact that I really do want to CTB and the other part is due to being horribly depressed. At least that's my thoughts on the matter.

Everyone is different though but I do feel bad for those with bad SI.

 

[muffin222]

I believe SI exists, im also pretty sure if somebody tried to murder me, my SI would kick in and i would try to fight them off because i dont want to be murdered. I think SI is much less when you are calm and following your own plan to go accoording to your wishes. However, nobody has NO SI at all, if you had NONE you could just hold your breath and die without any assistance but nobody can do that because everybody has SI.

I believe SI exists, too, but I think the "SI" people discuss on here is something different than the traditional meaning of survival instinct.

 

[dopelemon]

I have a low SI myself. During my 2 previous attempts I was completely calm and had zero anxiety at all.

I've also been in 2 severe car wrecks that were both rollovers at highway speeds (well, above the posted limit haha) and my emotions were literally the same as they were when I was just driving. No heart rate increase or anything.

I think part of it has to do with the fact that I really do want to CTB and the other part is due to being horribly depressed. At least that's my thoughts on the matter.

Everyone is different though but I do feel bad for those with bad SI.

sorry what does "SI" and "ctb" stand for?

 

[fastFWD]

yeah zero SI here as well. as soon as my dog dies ima end it no hesitation.

 

[Spiral]

SI - Survival instinnct: is your bodies natural instinct to physically fight for its life whether you wish to die or not. If you hold your breath for as long as you can without covering your face at all, the thing that forced you to take another breath even though you really don't want to, that is SI. Most people are saying SI when they actually mean 'will to live' which is totally not the same thing

 

[Didymus]

Wow, this means you can hold your breath or just lie at the bottom of shallow water without any problems whatsoever and catch a nice seat within minutes. Wish I could do this.

 

[Spiral]

If i had no SI i would do it too. Sadly its not as easy as just stop breathing *sighs*

 

[dopelemon]

tha

SI - Survival instinnct: is your bodies natural instinct to physically fight for its life whether you wish to die or not. If you hold your breath for as long as you can without covering your face at all, the thing that forced you to take another breath even though you really don't want to, that is SI. Most people are saying SI when they actually mean 'will to live' which is totally not the same thing

thank you for that detailed explanation!
and what does ctb stand for?

 

[Spiral]

tha

thank you for that detailed explanation!
and what does ctb stand for?

i am not the best person to explain ctb, i can tell you what its referring to (self-termination) but im not sure what its an abbreviation of. I have been trying to guess what the letters stand for but my brain is not very useful anymore. In my head i have been callng it Kick the bucket but with a C instead of a K

Ps. i love your spiral space avatar <3

 

[dopelemon]

i am not the best person to explain ctb, i can tell you what its referring to (self-termination) but im not sure what its an abbreviation of. I have been trying to guess what the letters stand for but my brain is not very useful anymore. In my head i have been callng it Kick the bucket but with a C instead of a K

Ps. i love your spiral space avatar <3

ahh, i kind of get it haha! was so confused because it seems like such a common phrase all over this site
thank you so much, sending you love and light. <3

 

[Mentalmick]

ahh, i kind of get it haha! was so confused because it seems like such a common phrase all over this site
thank you so much, sending you love and light. <3

ctb is catch the bus.

 

[fastFWD]

SI - Survival instinct: is your bodies natural instinct to physically fight for its life whether you wish to die or not. If you hold your breath for as long as you can without covering your face at all, the thing that forced you to take another breath even though you really don't want to, that is SI. Most people are saying SI when they actually mean 'will to live' which is totally not the same thin

'SI' and the 'will to live' aren't really that far apart imo. SI basically just involves the body's will to live and it seems to be initiated in response to some type of unfavorable/negative condition that could or is currently threatening some part of the body's continued functionality.

Nevertheless, perhaps i should clarify my response; in regard to ctb, while I am conscious, aware and in control. my will to die takes precedence over the will of my body to survive. Any fight or flight response initiated by my body only strengthens my resolve.

Wow, this means you can hold your breath or just lie at the bottom of shallow water without any problems whatsoever and catch a nice seat within minutes. Wish I could do this.

Speaking from experience the lungs become quite painful near the end of a drawn out underwater affair of holding one's breath; you do have a choice though; you can go up for air or stay underwater.

 

[262653]

I don't know. I personally don't believe in the power of the "SI" people name on here as their reason for staying alive.

I stay alive despite being chronically suicidal because there's a small part of me that still harbors hope that my life can improve by persevering long enough. If that part of me didn't exist, I would be dead already.

It's a very simplistic stance that angers many people on here, but I believe that suicide itself is straightforward: if we want to do it badly enough, we will. If even a fraction of us doesn't truly want to die or is uncertain, we won't. "SI" has little to do with it, in my opinion.

I think people who blame "SI" for not being able to ctb are just in denial about the fact that they're not 100% certain about dying.

But, that uncertainty is normal- dying is forever and the choice is irreversible. There's no shame in being on the fence.

I have a different stance on SI. I think that inability to suicide (to act against SI) is sometimes rationalized (coping mechanism) in a way that would return a sense of control to the person. I'm staying because of my kids, work, because it's cowardly, because I'm strong, because the religion I'm adhering to says it's a bad thing to do, etc..

Also, what we define as "self" and "SI" can vary between individuals. It is commonly considered (by legal codes and lots of people) that cutting one's own body is a self-destructive behavior. thereby implying that you are your body, or that the body one inhabits, experiences, is incorporated in "self".

 

[muffin222]

I have a different stance on SI. I think that inability to suicide (to act against SI) is sometimes rationalized (coping mechanism) in a way that would return a sense of control to the person. I'm staying because of my kids, work, because it's cowardly, because I'm strong, because the religion I'm adhering to says it's a bad thing to do, etc..

Also, what we define as "self" and "SI" can vary between individuals. It is commonly considered (by legal codes and lots of people) that cutting one's own body is a self-destructive behavior. thereby implying that you are your body, or that the body one inhabits, experiences, is incorporated in "self".

That's a really interesting stance! I appreciate you sharing your perspective. It's intriguing because I feel the exact opposite- I think that the inability to suicide for all of those reasons you mentioned (i.e. kids, it's cowardly, etc) often gets rationalized by the suicidal person as being caused by an unbeatable, biological force (what's termed "SI" on here) that a person is physically unable to overcome even though they truly want to.

Which would make sense, except it doesn't account for the fact that every 40 seconds someone in the world commits suicide.

Why do you think, based upon your personal stance, some people are able to overcome SI and others aren't? I have my own theories on this, but I'd love to hear your thoughts

Personally, I believe what we call "SI" on here is actually one of the following, or even a combination of several for some people:

fear of the unknown, fear of pain, ambivalence/uncertainty about dying, wanting to stop the pain but not life itself, guilt, or even just chronic suicidal ideation wherein suicidal thoughts have become a coping mechanism that gives the person a sense of control and a feeling of always having an "out" if life becomes too unbearable.

I can especially relate to the last one.

I think perhaps many users on here are chronically suicidal and experience suicidal thoughts regularly as a coping strategy for pain, but are not truly desiring to die 100%, hence the "I tried to ctb but my SI won't let me" or "SI is a bitch" type post that crop up regularly.

Of course, all of this is just my own personal theory, since I cannot possibly know exactly what goes on in other peoples' heads.

 

[262653]

Why do you think, based upon your personal stance, some people are able to overcome SI and others aren't? I have my own theories on this, but I'd love to hear your thoughts

Thanks for asking. My first guess would be emotions. I felt strongly emotional prior to every suicide attempt I had. I felt strongly emotional (after recieving insult from the person whom I deeply admired) before I started working out for the first time. I felt strongly emotional before approaching people I really like.

The common denominator seems evident to me. I feel strongly emotional every time before I intentionally do something I wouldn't normally do, something I would be very afraid to do, something risky, something that requires a huge deal of effort that I'm normally not putting in, or something that puts me into a vulnerable position.

What I felt before my attempts was usually envy for those who appear to be more fortunate than me, and indignation from being treated unfairly by the universe. Exiting would be an act of defiance, saying no to a game that seems to be rigged against me (I'm fine with games being rigged in my favor).

It could be that other people attempt suicide driven by different emotions, like grief (loss of a loved one), shame (humiliation, status/reputation loss), guilt (feeling a burden to others? I don't get to experience guilt much, maybe I'm good at rationalizing my offenses), or fear (impending homelessness or prison).

So in my current eyes, there is this mighty SI, and there are emotions which have the potential to temporarily overwrite SI. People who believe in good afterlife (like heaven) can be driven to die by positive emotions. I believe that my life experience will end and nothing good will come out of it (nothing bad either), so it is likely I that I can only be driven to suicide by negative emotions, or by trying to avoid unpleasant things in life. (Even If there is an afterlife, I'm not sure if its quality (good-bad scale) is affected by anything I do in this life, and even if it is affected by my acts, then I don't see how can I possibly know which acts will make my afterlife more or less desirable.)

Personally, I believe what we call "SI" on here is actually one of the following, or even a combination of several for some people:

fear of the unknown, fear of pain, ambivalence/uncertainty about dying, wanting to stop the pain but not life itself, guilt, or even just chronic suicidal ideation wherein suicidal thoughts have become a coping mechanism that gives the person a sense of control and a feeling of always having an "out" if life becomes too unbearable.

I think perhaps many users on here are chronically suicidal and experience suicidal thoughts regularly as a coping strategy for pain, but are not truly desiring to die 100%, hence the "I tried to ctb but my SI won't let me" or "SI is a bitch" type post that crop up regularly.

Of course, all of this is just my own personal theory, since I cannot possibly know exactly what goes on in other peoples' heads.

That sounds plausible for me too. For now I see SI as similar to emotions in the driving force but it always has the same direction, which is to keep the organism alive. It feels much faster and more basic though. It is the force of similar nature to the one that makes my eyes blink whenever the drips of water spring into my face, or to the one responsible for maintaining body temperature, respiration, sexual arousal, and other basic things.

 

[StateOfMind]

It's possible to achieve a state of zero SI. It would help to be in a psychosis or in severe mental breakdown.
Unfortunately I do not know how to replicate the desired mental state of either.
I've had both before and at that time if I had a good method I wouldn't be here anymore.