Is it bad to do it if you leave a child but they have another decent, reliable parent?

[darkenmydoorstep]

If I did it, my son would be 11.

His dad is really good with him. We all live together.

He has a lot of additional needs and struggles when we are all in the same room together anyway. It's a very stressful home life.

People say if I did it, it would be selfish but if I was gone, maybe his dad could have the chance of finding someone else who was more suited to parenting than me.

I mean, he'd probably miss me but the older he gets, would he not get more attached and miss me more?

 

[buttonfish]

i dont think its selfish, and i dont think you're bad. I think leaving behind loved ones are the hardest part of this.
I wish you well, in whatever you choose.

 

[ChampagneSupernova]

I had a similar concern/conflict. I have to remind myself: My wife is very pretty, she will find another man/husband/BF who will take care of her. She will be sad, but eventually it will turn to anger, and then the anger will fuel her to move on. My kids on the other hand, I don't know, if I had magic crystal ball that could peek into their lives 15/20 years in thr future, if I saw they were all going to be alright, I wouldn't hesitate to CTB.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

We can never really know what they'd make of it I suppose. Just use our best guess based on what we currently see.

 

[リンさん]

Nobody knows how their death will affect those around. Trying to guess their reaction when you are in a depressed/miserable state of mind is pointless, because it never reflects objective reality of the situation. We just can't know what's going on with other people, because it's impossible to peek inside their brain.

Would you be a bad parent for leaving your child behind? Absolutely.

But that makes you a bad parent. Not a bad person per se. And the decision to CTB in your situation is innately selfish, but again, who's to say this is inherently bad? If in your reality, suffering is so immense you cannot move forward with it, the most humane thing you can do for yourself is leave it all behind.

You're trading one suffering for the other. There's no way for every party to win, and suffering is inevitable. It all comes down to your choice and making peace with the consequence. Accepting that you can't and won't know how your death will affect them.

 

[Bruce]

@darkenmydoorstep As you said (and this is important) you can only make a decision with the knowledge you have at the present moment. A child needs one person who teaches and takes care of them. If they have that one pillar then they will be fine. It's better to have two but in the end, in years I think they would understand if you're in too much pain. What is really really important is to think about his dad: what kind of person are they? how will they take your absence? will it break them? will it change them, and how? He needs to be a solid, strong, good pillar for the kid! Don't put your hopes on other people who might come into their (your kid and his dad) lives, that's like throwing dice.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

The other parent will NEVER be you. That being said, if you're really in that much pain, I get it. Not sure if your family will but obviously that's something we all have to cope with when making our decision.