Discussion is it bad that i feel uncomfortable with one of my friends still associating with my SA’er

[mittymittens]

i've told one of my friends, that my old best friend (who is also his sort of close friend) SA'ed me last year. he seemed sort of supportive? / surprised or idk.

2-3 weeks ago he told me that my said ex best friend who SA'ed me has told him that i've been telling people she self harmed (which is a fucking lie) and it BROKE me, he knew it broke me and i think he feels really bad for telling me, last time i brought it up he fell silent, and i had to bring up something else.

i see today on his status that he is still good friends w her, making it his status her plushie's name too supporter and i can tell it's about her bcs she's got that exact plushie as her pfp right now.

i feel kinda uncomfortable w this, especially now that after that incident i've been talking to him practically all day and i told him what she did to me, not even just SA and that she also used me as her emotional dump and was borderline obsessive over me.

i remember him saying "she may just be emotional and isn't over it so that may why she be making up lies about me so we wouldn't be friends"

i don't know, i obviously not gonna stop them to become friends it just really uncomfortable and he was just texting me a minute ago and now i feel like not responding.

i know he also feels bad for me because he is getting me a 3DS for my birthday, which obviously wasn't necessary and we weren't best friends to begin with.

i don't know what to think or if i'm even allowed to feel uncomfortable, i also do not want to bring it up because he told me he doesn't like serious talk and more likes the silliness in a person. but i know i may need to talk, but same time i don't know if it's a good idea.

 

[HopefulSleep]

I broke contact with my whole friend group cause they were still friends with a person who sa'd me, he did it, he not only hurt me sexually but also made me lose all my friends my whole life is in front of my pc again but soon I will exit.
Those kind of problems no one talks about every happy person lives in a delusion.

 

[mittymittens]

I broke contact with my whole friend group cause they were still friends with a person who sa'd me, he did it, he not only hurt me sexually but also made me lose all my friends my whole life is in front of my pc again but soon I will exit.
Those kind of problems no one talks about every happy person lives in a delusion.

i'm sorry that happened to u :c

 

[HopefulSleep]

i'm sorry that happened to u :c

I am also sorry what happened to you

 

[yellowroses]

No, it isn't "bad" you're uncomfortable with this, I would be too. Honestly it's really fucked up of your "friend" to be doing this after you told them what she did to you. I'm sorry you're going through this, I hope you can find some kind of resolution that brings you peace

 

[spøgelse]

what the fuck no you're not the bad person in this

 

[Walilamdzii]

No, I feel uncomfortable that people are still willing to associate with someone I know who humiliated me and another acquaintance said he SA her. It makes me feel like I have to avoid massive groups of people.

 

[Leastofall]

You're not crazy to expect your friend to stand by you, and not a predator... that's like the basics of friendship loyalty.

You deserve better OP, you're friend is a coward and complacent.

 

[Sweet Tart]

I'm sorry you are going thru this, it's infuriating. I've been SA's by friends, too, but suppressed it and I commend you for not doing that.

I've also seen this kind of thing happen in different friend groups I used to loosely be involved with. It tended to result in drama, I think because predators can be extremely manipulative and controlling with friends as well as with those they have SA'd. As @Leastofall said, I also think you deserve friends who stand by you when you are vulnerable. This person unfortunately doesn't sound like they can be a reliable, trustworthy friend. It can be very sad to learn this kind of thing about others and I'm sorry.

 

[mittymittens]

I'm sorry you are going thru this, it's infuriating. I've been SA's by friends, too, but suppressed it and I commend you for not doing that.

I've also seen this kind of thing happen in different friend groups I used to loosely be involved with. It tended to result in drama, I think because predators can be extremely manipulative and controlling with friends as well as with those they have SA'd. As @Leastofall said, I also think you deserve friends who stand by you when you are vulnerable. This person unfortunately doesn't sound like they can be a reliable, trustworthy friend. It can be very sad to learn this kind of thing about others and I'm sorry.

i know what he's kinda doing is kinda bystandy, and ik it's hard to cut off someone who did that— it's just idk i would feel less if he like distanced himself w her but obviously still kept in contact bcs scared reasons

but idk he seems to still think positively ab her
and idk if i should cut him off or something because he bought a 3ds for me which is still coming but i'm very weirded out at the same time and i really do not know how to approach this

No, I feel uncomfortable that people are still willing to associate with someone I know who humiliated me and another acquaintance said he SA her. It makes me feel like I have to avoid massive groups of people.

for me it just feels like once u tell mutual friends about their friend SA'ing said person and if they still hang out w that person afterwards, it just tells me what kinda morals they stand by and if they take the information seriously or not.