Is anyone else scared to CTB?

[TheSquiddieSquid8]

I want go so bad. However, I am terrified as I love my family and friends. Also, I am scared that I will be put into an afterlife. I don't want that. I just want to CTB and be done with it.

 

[savoytruffle]

my SI is going crazy too

 

[WaitingToGo]

Yes I'm the same. Even though I have a supposedly pain free method I'm still scared. Wish I had some courage

 

[BringMeToLife]

Yes, yesterday I planned everything and started writing letters, and today I woke up panicked, I started doubting myself.

 

[AkaRed]

100%, and that's not a bad thing. Give yourself whatever time you need, and come to a decision after a LOT of thinking. You are not in the wrong for wanting to CTB, or having thoughts of it. You would also not be in the wrong for choosing otherwise. You're not alone in this journey, and I only hope you are capable of making the decision that is best for you. Wishing you much luck, happiness, and success in your own journey, whatever it may be.
<3

 

[AerialBoundaries]

Fucking terrified, pal.
I will tell you this, there is no afterlife. This is the only chance we've got. It keeps me alive and dead at the same time.

 

[Mortalist]

I'm not yet at that point of doing it, so I havn't really felt much in that regard. But I would be worried to fail. Thats something I don't like to think about.

 

[soolka]

im terrified of failing, going braindead or something is a horrible fate

 

[FuneralCry]

I would personally only fear the suicide method failing, it disgusts me how we exist in a world where we are denied the option to pass away in a peaceful and straightforward way, it truly is a hellish, prison like existence which is why I admire those who chose to free themselves from all suffering and all future harms.

But all my fears are associated with existing, I fear even worse suffering as in existence we can suffer to unimaginable amounts beyond our comprehension, I don't fear death itself, I only fear a world where we cannot pass away in peace, I believe death to be perfect nothingness where everything is forgotten about. If suicide was as easy as just choosing to pass away in peace then I would have no fear.

 

[unnormal9]

No, I simply do not have a solid method that would work peacefully for me.

 

[outrider567]

No, not afraid at all, not with Nitrogen, and anyway I'm too damn miserable to be scared, plus I have little family left

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Pretty much everyone? I'm more scared of failing an attempt honestly than nonexistence. And scared of life more than death. Even so that doesn't eliminate fear of death ironically.

 

[BloomingStrella]

Absolutely; although to be honest I'm more scared of a failed attempt than of death itself. Might just be my survival instinct going crazy, or that I'm a huge coward. I figure it's a bit of both.

 

[jonward55]

im terrified of failing, going braindead or something is a horrible fate

That's the thing that's stopping me also, ending up in a failed mess.

No, I simply do not have a solid method that would work peacefully for me.

Same here, still looking.

 

[justastranger]

you could be terrified because of what happens after, failing, what will happen to family,friends pets etc. just a couple reasons, ofc not all of them

 

[outrider567]

im terrified of failing, going braindead or something is a horrible fate

That doesn't happen with Nitrogen and an EEBD Hood

Yes, yesterday I planned everything and started writing letters, and today I woke up panicked, I started doubting myself.

Then you're not ready

 

[downndone2]

Terrified of all of it. Failing, leaving family/friends/animals behind, if there's hell, pain involved, being vegetable/crippled/disfigured the rest of my life.

 

[yestothedeath]

yeah, I'm scared, although mainly due to fear of pain or it failing

 

[Chocoholic]

I feel the sams but I also feel there are too much pain and want to end. And the terrible thing is my SI is really hit hard.

 

[Hunter2005]

I'm not but my survival instinct will kick in and I will probably have to do it drunk.

 

[future_]

yea im depending on xanax and alcohol to give me the nerve to do it

 

[Abdullah]

I want go so bad. However, I am terrified as I love my family and friends. Also, I am scared that I will be put into an afterlife. I don't want that. I just want to CTB and be done with it.

The Egyptians illustrated that in the afterlife, you could die a second time (i.e soul deleted). I believe we really are just spirts having a human experience. Why do Mexicans talk to their dead? What are consequences of going before our time? If death is really just a void, then why were we born in the first place?

 

[NoLightRemains]

I don't think I'm ever going to completely get rid of the fear, but my mindset feels mostly focused so far for what will be my first (and hopefully final) attempt in the upcoming week. I have moments of anxiety through the day but I am able to calm myself and reassure myself of my choice. My big fear is a sudden surge of SI when it comes time to drink my salt, but I don't think I can prepare for that anymore than I already have.
I think I'm finally ready but just some lingering worries about last-minute panicking.

 

[leavingsoon99]

The only part of self-termination that I fear is the potential for failure. My method has a high probability of success, but there's also the possibility of failure. That scares me, because my lifestyle will be forever altered. I may never be able to attempt again afterwards. I want to know that when I attempt, I will be finished. I don't fear anything that follows a successful departure from this life, because that was going to happen whether I ctb or let life kill me. That's all inevitable. I'm taking a big risk.

 

[Hollowman]

Yes

 

[RedCarpet_]

I am afraid of the idea of failing or things not working as planned. But I would say I'm more nervous of being thorough opposed to being afraid.

 

[RhapsodyinBerserk]

Bro I'm so fucking scared, I doubt even putting a plan together to end my life in the first place.

 

[charlotte_]

I want to die very badly. Every single day I just hope to not wake up. But I just can't do anything. Even the slightest pain or worry terrifies me, even the most simple planning tires me out. I'm stuck

 

[WorthlessCoward]

No I'm not scared at all I haven't CTB because I just looooooooove living

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, I'm scared. Scared of pain, fear, the attempt failing.