Discussion Is anybody else pretending to get better while planning to ctb?

[Sweet Tart]

I am pretending to be interested in trying to get better. My mom wants to help me get more intensive therapy or an outpatient program tomorrow and I agreed. I mean, I'm not against the idea of recovery from suicidal depressed, but I've tried a lot and nothing has worked. Also, she'll get me hospitalized or pester me 24/7 if I don't do this.

So I'll go along with it, knowing it's unlikely we'll even find anything available due to how shitty the mental healthcare system is. She has vacation plans later in the month, so if I continue going along with things, I can hopefully have the privacy to ctb, or at least try.

 

[Catchingdabus27]

Tbh yeah... like I don't know who or why I was pretending for but it does feel like I have been.

Having people care is only nice until it becomes burdensome on both ends tbh.

So now I am not pretending but actively isolating.

 

[willitpass]

My family believe that I've been in recovery for two years now. Little do they know I've been in and out of relapse. My psychiatrist thinks I'm doing wonderfully and even took me off my medications. My therapist knows I'm struggling but doesn't nearly know the extent. I over shared a bit too much last session so my next session will probably be me back tracking and saying I've been doing better. It's very much exhausting to tell everyone you're doing so well and then go home to your own thoughts.

 

[kaleidoscopedreams]

I wouldn't say that I'm pretending, I am actively trying to feel some sort of way other than the way I do now. I do hide the fact that I am suicidal & holding on by a thread, & most if not all days the idea of cbt is better than working on & getting "better".

 

[SunnyDay_NoSunshine]

Yup i feel bad lying to my friends though but i dont want to live anymore and i know they will try to dissuade me to stay for x reason.

glad that you have someone to whom you can share. The way it worked out for me was, I shared and got some support. After couple months as the situation is really out of my control there was noting I or they could do. And after couple months it become a burden to talk about this and I had to get on to pretend that it got better road.

looking back, I think I still feel it was a good thing that I shared even though it got nowhere, perhaps got a little worse knowing they know my more personal struggles.