Help Is a physical reaction when thinking about ctb normal?

[Mistergeburt]

Hey, everytime I think about suicide methods, I imagine how they'd feel and I get dizzy and like "weak" (like my muscles stop working) to the point where I would probably collapse if I continue to think about it. I know, I'm on the wrong for that type of shit, but I still want to ctb, I just have a strong physical reaction to most methods. It's the same thing with seeing blood - I feel dizzy, disgusted and am on the verge of losing consciousness (it feels like - I've never actually lost it). Even with harmless methods (such as SN), I get this physical reaction.

This reaction is the strongest with painful and/or pressuring methods such as cutting (non-method rather) or hanging. It's often also because of the knowledge of what it truly does. For example knowing that SN slowly stops your blood from taking oxygen and coloring your blood makes me uncomfortable and triggers the physical reaction. If I don't think about it too hard, I don't have that reaction tho, so I just need to not imagine it. My mind is apparently defending against such methods by making me feel uncomfortable.

The only method where I don't have that reaction, is CO, altough it also just stops my blood from taking oxygen.

Can anyone relate? And is there any particular reason behind it? Regardless is there a way to build resistance or do I just have to live with it?

 

[YourLocalEdgelord]

I don't know much about this, but some people do experience it. And that feeling of dread when you genuinely decided on a method is definitely common. Personally, I just get paralyzed most of the time when I think about psh, even though I know how to do it painlessly. I just think about how the blood is slowly drained from my brain and my body says nope. Causes me to just stay idle most of the time. It's frustrating. However, I think getting used to it bit by bit helps. At least for me it does.

 

[Mistergeburt]

I don't know much about this, but some people do experience it. And that feeling of dread when you genuinely decided on a method is definitely common. Personally, I just get paralyzed most of the time when I think about psh, even though I know how to do it painlessly. I just think about how the blood is slowly drained from my brain and my body says nope. Causes me to just stay idle most of the time. It's frustrating. However, I think getting used to it bit by bit helps. At least for me it does.

Thank you for your answer! I really thought I was the only one, especially because everyone on the platform seems to be unfazed by such things and I haven't seen a post that also describes this phenomenon.

 

[MiloDilk]

i have the same feeling when i think about the suicide method.

 

[schrocatparadox]

my method involves an IV setup, and sometimes, just by thinking about the method, i get this weird aching, cold, and tight feeling at the area i plan to inject.

i've had mental and other physical effects, similar to how you'd feel, when i first developed my method, but they've diminished over time. i found exposing myself to what i've been afraid of from my method (needles and IV insertion) by doing blood donations helped a lot. i'm not sure how you'd simulate the SN method for exposure, though- maybe by drinking some really salty water and pretending it's SN?

best of luck; remember to treat yourself kindly

 

[never mind me]

I don't get the physical reaction when I am just thinking about a ctb method. But I get it, when I try to test a set up for FSH. For me the physical symptoms are very typical fear symptoms like weird shallow breathing, nausea and feeling weak. Unfortunately I haven't found a way to alleviate it. It doesn't help that FSH is not my favourite method, I would prefer something painless or immediate like gunshot or overdose, but I can't access anything that's safe enough for OD and guns are impossible to get where I live. So my plan is to take a copious amount of alprazolam before doing FSH, because I think otherwise I can't get myself to do it.

 

[notthatclever]

Sounds like anxiety.. just sounds like an anxiety attack..

 

[Mistergeburt]

Sounds like anxiety.. just sounds like an anxiety attack..

Nah, I don't think it's really an anxiety attack or anything like that. I mean, I don't know how an anxiety attack feels, but I'm guessing I can't just turn it off by thinking about something else, but when I'm thinking of those, I can. And the symptoms are mostly just physical, like seeing blood. More like a disgust-attack, but it may also have something to be with SI as my body/brain wouldn't like getting it's oxygen removed (in the case of SN) and thinking about it deeply would probably simulate a similar reaction as if I would be about to do it, so that would check out.

 

[notthatclever]

Feelings dizzy and verge of losing consciousness.. sounds like an anxiety attack? It's normal when having depression and depressive thoughts.. those are all normal signs of anxiety..