Introduce yourself

[Trapped123]

Thank you for accepting me to the group. I am 44 years old male, trapped in unsolvable life problems and depression. I have made this account here to spend my last weeks with like-minded people who don't judge me. I will be gone within 1-3 months or sooner and I have chosen full suspension as my method. Technically I am prepared but need to talk and feel some support.

 

[Good4Nothing]

Thank you for accepting me to the group. I am 44 years old male, trapped in unsolvable life problems and depression. I have made this account here to spend my last weeks with like-minded people who don't judge me. I will be gone within 1-3 months or sooner and I have chosen full suspension as my method. Technically I am prepared but need to talk and feel some support.

40s really suck, don't they? Your body starts changing, and suddenly you realize you're not young anymore, and never will be again, and it's all downhill from here, and you have nothing but regrets and would give anything to turn back the hands of time and do everything differently.
Dammit, now I'm depressed again. Welcome to the forum.

 

[illbeinthegarage]

i didn't want to start my introduction with a simple hello but my brain cant think of anything more original. i dont believe there is anything worth knowing about me, but i don't want to linger like a ghost on this site having not said anything. i am 19, female, from england, considering all options i have at this point. it is likely i will too ctb in the near future though no clear plans have been decided as of yet. i hope you're all well, and i would like to make some friends possibly before i find my peace. you are all beautiful souls </3

 

[Trapped123]

40s really suck, don't they? Your body starts changing, and suddenly you realize you're not young anymore, and never will be again, and it's all downhill from here, and you have nothing but regrets and would give anything to turn back the hands of time and do everything differently.
Dammit, now I'm depressed again. Welcome to the forum.

Absolutely true. It's downhill ride now. But I am happy the decision is made. I hope for your support.

 

[Good4Nothing]

Absolutely true. It's downhill ride now. But I am happy the decision is made. I hope for your support.

I'm here for you, brother.

 

[Trapped123]

I'm here for you, brother.

Thanks. It won't take long, maybe few weeks or even less. No reason to delay unnecessarily

 

[Acerakis]

i didn't want to start my introduction with a simple hello but my brain cant think of anything more original. i dont believe there is anything worth knowing about me, but i don't want to linger like a ghost on this site having not said anything. i am 19, female, from england, considering all options i have at this point. it is likely i will too ctb in the near future though no clear plans have been decided as of yet. i hope you're all well, and i would like to make some friends possibly before i find my peace. you are all beautiful souls </3

Sometimes people find interest in hearing about the things about us we thought were uninteresting.

 

[Trapped123]

I'm here for you, brother.

I hope to calm down here and leave peacefully

 

[Claudia]

Hi I'm Claudia
I have BPD, depression, anxiety and general neurosis. I'm really such a fuck up. Bpd means I only ever completely worship people or despise them, no in between.. and am only ever on a buzzing high or suicidal low. I know people think I'm a car crash and they're right. I thought dying was easy but it's not. I know you guys will understand how I feel xx

 

[Commitmentphile101]

Hello, I am new here.

I am going through a phase right now. It will be the biggest and most testing phase of my life. If I survive this phase of my life , if I somehow get through it then I know nothing will ever break me in life ever again. It has been so so long and so excruciating everyday and it is almost over but my brain doubts if has the strength to make it. I cannot explain how excruciating it has been with my mental health in absolute tatters over the last decade. I am on my own with no family. It will get harder over the near future harder than it ever has been before and I'm really scared to face it even though I need to be calm and stoic.
I need to be so physically and mentally present to get through it.

I noticed about a week ago when I was going through a tough cycle enduced by this phase and this was after I had looked at various CTB methods, I just kept saying in my head "Don't worry, There's always Zyklon B, Zyklon B Zyklon B" etc saying Zyklon B repeatedly for ages ages I was suddenly just ... CALM. This method won't work forever to calm me though because if I eventually do not get the substances required then eventually my mind will know I am just trying to trick it.
(this wouldnt be my method of choice btw. It just rang better in my head than "N*******" repeatedly which I have decided two days ago from here and PPH will be my method of choice)

I realised it must be the feeling of being trapped FOREVER in these wretched circumstances on this wretched planet that is making my mind go haywire, making me lose all my faculties which are the very things I need for my escape from this position.
If my brain's self deception tells my body that it is too much to handle then a bottle or whatever of N locked in a safe place will psychologically calm my brain into putting in the physical and mental effort needed to push through knowing that I have a choice.

Currently most of the time is spent with the brain screaming it wants a peaceful out and angry at the big hurdle there is to face and blaming the people and circumstances that put me here even though I am partly culpable. So with the N locked somewhere, whenever the thoughts pass that prevent me from putting the effort to push through and thoughts pass that aid a self fulfilling prophecy of failure at this phase and death then the instant counter to those thoughts will be:
"Is it really that painful that you can't do this? You're almost there. You've come so far and it's nearly over. Otherwise the choice is there on that shelf. Either choice is a peaceful route, so relax and don't stress." I know I will suddenly be just be totally calm.

I could be wrong. Maybe there will be a point where it does get so so unbearable that the N will come of use. Then it will serve the actual purpose of CTB which is also very functional.

So that's my two reasons for wanting to get N. Peace of mind. And if it sadly doesn't go to plan (I don't know) it will be Peace in CTB.

God bless this site for existing.

 

[Jimmymack]

Hello all...I just signed up after lurking for awhile.Im familiar with the site by now,but thought that it might be nice to ask some questions and throw in my two cents every now and then when it may be of use.
What led me here is that I have struggled with anxiety and depression for years and now I am struggling with degenerative physical health and loneliness as the best people I knew in my life have passed away,walled myself in and have found it difficult connecting with new people.
I dont know what the heck I want to do,but happy to be here and wish the best for everybody.

 

[ocd is bad]

Hello everyone. I'm a guy in my early 20's from the US. Don't remember how I found this site but everyone on it seemed to be really nice so here I am. I'm here for the same reason as everyone else, I'm unhappy with my life and don't like the direction it's going in. I don't have the best mental health and have always had trouble connecting with people in real life. I don't really know what else to say, I like watching sports and The Office. I made my profile picture in Microsoft paint to show off my artistic talents. If you want to talk to me for whatever reason I'm always open to talk.

 

[GravityUtilizer]

Hello everyone. I'm a guy in my early 20's from the US. Don't remember how I found this site but everyone on it seemed to be really nice so here I am. I'm here for the same reason as everyone else, I'm unhappy with my life and don't like the direction it's going in. I don't have the best mental health and have always had trouble connecting with people in real life. I don't really know what else to say, I like watching sports and The Office. I made my profile picture in Microsoft paint to show off my artistic talents. If you want to talk to me for whatever reason I'm always open to talk.

OCD IS bad. Welcome :)

 

[Catcatcat]

Good evening! I am a 34 year old from the UK.

Suffered from depression since I was about 12 years old. I have had enough now. I want to go away.
I have found myself over the last year or so a job and a home where people won't find me for weeks. So I'm just looking for a way that suits me to leave.

I love cats! They're honestly the only think keeping me going some days! Those little bean toes!

 

[mediocre]

Good evening! I am a 34 year old from the UK.

Suffered from depression since I was about 12 years old. I have had enough now. I want to go away.
I have found myself over the last year or so a job and a home where people won't find me for weeks. So I'm just looking for a way that suits me to leave.

I love cats! They're honestly the only think keeping me going some days! Those little bean toes!

welcome! fellow cat lover here. Do you have your own cats?

 

[Angina]

Hello, I am Angina, new to this message board. I'd prefer not to reveal too much personal information.
I'm depressed and messed up. I like the idea of suicide very much.

 

[mutedgoldensunshine]

Hi all, I'm 19 and I've been lurking on this forum for some time and finnaly decided to create an account. I've suffered from depression and anxiety (mostly social) for a long time and im glad i found this website.

Btw do you think the mods would consider my avatar nsfw? Its so hard to think of what other people find normal

 

[KibblesNBits]

Good evening! I am a 34 year old from the UK.

Suffered from depression since I was about 12 years old. I have had enough now. I want to go away.
I have found myself over the last year or so a job and a home where people won't find me for weeks. So I'm just looking for a way that suits me to leave.

I love cats! They're honestly the only think keeping me going some days! Those little bean toes!

Cats are great, aren't they? Mine are the only light left in my life.

 

[Nexol]

Hello, I am 19 and struggling with major depression and BPD for about 3 years now. I made multiple Therapy's which didn't helped at all. I took several Anti Depressants which only made it worse. Thanks for welcoming me here.

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

Hello everybody,

i'm Dani from Switzerland

First of all a big thank you for being accepted into this family. Too bad I haven't found you before. Unfortunately my English is too bad, so I can only communicate with you via Google Translate. But that doesn't work too badly.

I'm not just here to find a suicide partner, but if it turns out that way, so much the better.

I am active in various German-language forums and try to support anyone planning and executing suicide who wants it.

It is inhumane how society deals with suicide that it is still a taboo subject.
Who gives them the right to forbid me to end my life myself. At a time chosen by me

Life that is completely meaningless and worthless.

Some information about me;
I am male, 52 years old and will kill myself in September 2020.

Unfortunately I have to wait a little longer because I want to keep a promise beforehand. Even though waiting is getting more and more difficult, I always stick to my vet.

I've been depressed for 37 years,
the past 25 years of which have been chronic.
Social phobia since childhood,
Socially isolated for 37 years,
was workaholic,
had 2 untreated burnout,
Complex PTSD
gay, coming out at the age of 30,
never had a relationship, never sex

Recently declined from normal status to welfare and emergency shelter.

In treatment for the first time
Medicines for the first time
(375mg venlafaxine).

Resigned and gave up, but now feel better than ever

I'm in treatment, therapist knows all my thoughts and plans.

 

[Deleted member 19276]

Hello everyone! Thank you so much for having me on these kind and caring forums. I use the name Vorty, but you may refer to me as Vortex or simply V. What can I say... I am a 26 year old male that lives by himself, mostly at home. Around 10 years ago, I began experiencing lots of depressive episodes due to reasons I wish not to dig too deep into, but all I can say is that abuse, bullying and being made fun of... It can lead to very bad emotions. The kind of emotions that develop into demons and tear you up from the inside out. Now all I am left with is harmful thoughts, 0 friends and not that much to look forward to. While I still can't share too much due to me being new and just registering here, I would like to say that I welcome pretty much anything and would never judge anyone for their views or actions. Interests include video games, art, music, whatever at this point. More than happy to be here and a huge thank you to SS for making my situation a bit more bearable.

 

[Coateseatsgoatsnboat]

I'm COATES and I've lost myself.... long story let me know if anyone wants to hear it. I want to tell my story I've just never get the chance no one truly listens. I think maybe if I tell it I might be able to find myself again

 

[Deleted member 19276]

I'm COATES and I've lost myself.... long story let me know if anyone wants to hear it. I want to tell my story I've just never get the chance no one truly listens. I think maybe if I tell it I might be able to find myself again

Hello Coates! I will be willing to read if this helps.

 

[foreverlikethestars]

hey everyone,

my main interests are psychology, philosophy, and music. without giving out too much information, i'm college age and living in minnesota. if you're from around here, or otherwise, and looking for a friend to chat with, feel free to DM me or ask for my discord.

 

[Life.Journey.Unknown]

Hello, I've been a member for a while but this is the first time I've posted.

Male,39,UK.
I need to reach out and say these things. These thoughts and feelings on my mind.

I cry and feel sad because I know I won't get better. Throughout my life I've tried to hold onto hope that things will change for the better and I will feel content and happy. Sometimes I feel ok, but then something happens and I'm thrown back to square one again. That deep knotted- stomach feel of depression and anxiety.

I don't have any enthusiasm or motivation or ambition anymore. I feel scared because I can't feel happiness and I'm losing hope.

I can visualise how I exit life. I see myself outside on a summer evening. I feel the cool refreshing breeze as I relax and drift away into peace with my method. The more I see it in my mind the more of a reality it feels. And the more of a comfort it becomes.

 

[Chiyuki99]

Hello everyone!

I am 21 years old and female. I don't suffer from depression and the reason I am here is mostly because I question life itself:
Why would want to grow old if it means having to work until I'm 65, during that time only having two days a week to do what I like doing and then living for 15 to 20 years more after retirement before dying? That's not worth it in my opinion and it is so boring and all the same for almost everyone.

Apart from this lack of respect for the circle of life I lead, what others would describe, a perfect life. I am smart, speak 5 languages, study abroad, pretty, tall, funny, etc. You name it.
I have August 2020 in mind to step out of life, thinking of taking cyanide and alcohol prior to hanging.

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

Hello everyone!

I am 21 years old and female. I don't suffer from depression and the reason I am here is mostly because I question life itself:
Why would want to grow old if it means having to work until I'm 65, during that time only having two days a week to do what I like doing and then living for 15 to 20 years more after retirement before dying? That's not worth it in my opinion and it is so boring and all the same for almost everyone.

Apart from this lack of respect for the circle of life I lead, what others would describe, a perfect life. I am smart, speak 5 languages, study abroad, pretty, tall, funny, etc. You name it.
I have August 2020 in mind to step out of life, thinking of taking cyanide and alcohol prior to hanging.

Is German also one of the 5 languages?

I understand your derivation for the planned suicide very well. You have my congratulations on your decision.

Unfortunately, it took me too long to get the same enlightenment.

 

[Chiyuki99]

Is German also one of the 5 languages?

I understand your derivation for the planned suicide very well. You have my congratulations on your decision.

Unfortunately, it took me too long to get the same enlightenment.

Yes sir, German is my mother tongue and I was also born in Germany. How about you? Feel free to send me a direct message.

I came to that enlightenment this year and whenever I try to speak about it with someone outside of this forum I hear "well, get yourself a job you like/fill your life with things you like"

 

[islima]

Hello, I am a 28 year old male from South Africa

I have been depressed since I was 12 that being said my teenage years were hell for me. I also suffer from social anxiety going outside to meet new people is a struggle and with my financial situation right now I cannot afford to go for therapy. For 10 years now nothing seems to make me happy, I don't find anything amusing. I have had two suicide attempt which both failed as stopped myself in both occasions. I am in this forum to find courage.

 

[snuffcore]

Hey. I'm a 19 year old guy. Been dealing with suicidal thoughts since I was 10, but wasn't mentally ill until I became 15... typing it out makes me feel weak compared to everyone else here.

I've only seriously tried suicide once, before I turned 17, an overdose. I chickened out and ended up in the hospital for a week. At the end of my stay I was thankful for surviving, thinking things would get better. But they didn't.

Have mediocrely tried hanging myself a couple times since then, nothing too serious. But now that I've found this forum I'm willing to go through it, and long as I can find the courage.

A few days ago my now ex boyfriend broke up with me. I guess it's stupid to feel this bad over it, but he truly was the only light left for me as what I believe to be OCD becomes more and more crippling. My chances and hopes for a future have vanished once again.

Whatever... I like video games and horror. A little bit of anime too. Don't really have any hobbies, not anymore. All I know is I'll stay here until I get better, or die. I hope we can get along.