Introduce yourself

[Good4Nothing]

Hello everyone, just thought I'd introduce myself before starting to roam the forums. I'm Philosykos, made an account here to converse with like-minded people who understand and don't judge and because I feel like I'm steadily approaching the bus stop. I like bingeing tv series (currently on my 5th GoT binge... ), reading, daydreaming and writing, yoga and walking, cat & dog person in equal measure. Can't think of anything else for now, it's really late here, but feel free to ask anything.

I was such a GoT fan... had all the seasons on DVD, rewatched them all probably 10 times...
Then season 8 happened.
Sold my DVDs, haven't looked back.

Welcome to the forums.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I try to relax as the situation is beyond my control and as someone on seal team said "a man never added a day to his life by worrying."

Sooo … If I'm in a constant state of worry (usually I am) I can CTB sooner ??? At least one good thing can come from worrying too much.

 

[Philosykos]

I was such a GoT fan... had all the seasons on DVD, rewatched them all probably 10 times...
Then season 8 happened.
Sold my DVDs, haven't looked back.

Welcome to the forums.

Haha, you're not the only one. I still can't really get over the fact that they took two years to make the last series and then came with that. All the storylines felt so... idk, anticlimactic? And I'm not even talking about Dany going full Targaryen on King's Landing; imo that one was actually fairly understandable and her sanity was kind of deteriorating over the years. But there were so many plotholes and others that were tied up in rather an unceremonious fashion. One of the very few redeeming moments for me was the reunion of Sansa and Tyrion. I actually enjoyed their dynamic a great deal throughout the series.

 

[sufferingalways]

Sooo … If I'm in a constant state of worry (usually I am) I can CTB sooner ??? At least one good thing can come from worrying too much.

Im sorry I didn't mean to trivialise anyones pain. Ill ask admin to delete that.

 

[Krash1990]

30/M/USA
I had everything I ever dreamed of, after a semi turbulent life up until 4 years ago when I met my wife, and now I've lost everything...

I fell in love with the most beautiful, amazing, funny woman I've ever met. We clicked so instantly and were best friends. We were into a lot of the same things and the things were weren't both into initially , the other would find they liked it too most times.

We had two beautiful children together and she helped raise my two other children from my previous train wreck of a marriage.

I started a business(her dream business), we had a nice house, the dog she wanted since she was little, I told her she was the most beautiful woman I've ever seen(and I mean it) everyday.

I asked her in the very beginning to JUST be faithful to me and she could be or whatever else she wanted. Every person I've ever been with for any length of time has cheated. EVERY. ONE.
It damaged me. I would literally cry and beg her to just be faithful to me. She would always hold me and kiss me and swear she would never hurt me like that.

Of course, 4 months ago she cheated on me while I was at home with our babies...

A month ago our house burned down because of something stupid and the police are saying it was intentional because the fire started in two places(in the same room), which is NOT true.
So, I lost everything I've built in an instant, twice, and they want to charge me with arson.

As God as my witness, it was not intentional, nor was the fire in two places.

So, me, with no criminal record, a pillar in my community because of my business(caring for the elderly), a loving husband and father, has now lost everything I care about aside from my children and I'm being threatened with 3-20 years in prison for something I didn't do....

This is on top of a life of being poor with no dad, abusive boyfriends of my mother, my brother who was my best friend drowning at 19 yrs old, and my mother dying unexpectedly 2 years later of a heart attack at 57. I'm sure there is more but I can't think properly anymore.


To make matters very slightly worse(lol) I came here to learn ways out, and suddenly I feel less able to do it when I was moments away prior to coming and reading stories here a few nights ago.

God feels like a big kid with a magnifying glass frying us ants.

Through all of this I have started drinking everyday. I can't sleep more than 2-4 hours a night... I'm standing at the bus stop but I cant get on.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Im sorry I didn't mean to trivialise anyones pain. Ill ask admin to delete that.

You don't have to have it deleted. I was just trying to be funny. Even though I worry a lot, I can still joke about it.
I don't know if it helps or not.

 

[sufferingalways]

You don't have to have it deleted. I was just trying to be funny. Even though I worry a lot, I can still joke about it.
I don't know if it helps or not.

Oh i see. Sorry, i took you literally. Very foggy headed here.
I believe i have a similar outlook with some of my hardest issues, maybe a tension release in my case. Hiw are you feeling today?

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Oh i see. Sorry, i took you literally. Very foggy headed here.
I believe i have a similar outlook with some of my hardest issues, maybe a tension release in my case. Hiw are you feeling today?

No problem … I'm always foggy headed. I don't know if I should laugh or cry. I think mostly angry at myself for being like this.

 

[chicken_hole]

Hello all, i just a dude that has come to terms that I am going to end my life sometime in the future.

I used to play videogames but now I mostly just sleep and go to work with a dash of light drug use.

 

[Lydia]

Hey,

I'm Lydia, 22, from England.
I would absolutely love to make friends on here, especially as the people on here tend to be open-minded and unjudgemental. Previously I was in contact with someone on here and we called regularly and met up in person, unfortunately now we have lost contact.

 

[Good4Nothing]

Hey,

I'm Lydia, 22, from England.
I would absolutely love to make friends on here, especially as the people on here tend to be open-minded and unjudgemental. Previously I was in contact with someone on here and we called regularly and met up in person, unfortunately now we have lost contact.

I have a niece named Lydia. I'll be your friend, if you want. I'm an old fart, but still a kid at heart.

 

[Acerakis]

Hi, I am Alex, 28M Southwest UK.

I was actually improving over the last year but lockdown has destroyed all that work and now I am lower than ever. I don't have anyone to talk to about this as anyone I know has their own shit going on and I don't want to trouble them. Current news around the world is convincing me things are only going to get worse and I can't take it. I have made one attempt in the past which was very spur of the moment and not thought out. I was getting things together for another attempt about 2 years ago but was caught.

 

[deadgirlahsatan]

Hey

I hate my life and it's hell everyday. It is a huge mess.

 

[sufferingalways]

30/M/USA
I had everything I ever dreamed of, after a semi turbulent life up until 4 years ago when I met my wife, and now I've lost everything...

I fell in love with the most beautiful, amazing, funny woman I've ever met. We clicked so instantly and were best friends. We were into a lot of the same things and the things were weren't both into initially , the other would find they liked it too most times.

We had two beautiful children together and she helped raise my two other children from my previous train wreck of a marriage.

I started a business(her dream business), we had a nice house, the dog she wanted since she was little, I told her she was the most beautiful woman I've ever seen(and I mean it) everyday.

I asked her in the very beginning to JUST be faithful to me and she could be or whatever else she wanted. Every person I've ever been with for any length of time has cheated. EVERY. ONE.
It damaged me. I would literally cry and beg her to just be faithful to me. She would always hold me and kiss me and swear she would never hurt me like that.

Of course, 4 months ago she cheated on me while I was at home with our babies...

A month ago our house burned down because of something stupid and the police are saying it was intentional because the fire started in two places(in the same room), which is NOT true.
So, I lost everything I've built in an instant, twice, and they want to charge me with arson.

As God as my witness, it was not intentional, nor was the fire in two places.

So, me, with no criminal record, a pillar in my community because of my business(caring for the elderly), a loving husband and father, has now lost everything I care about aside from my children and I'm being threatened with 3-20 years in prison for something I didn't do....

This is on top of a life of being poor with no dad, abusive boyfriends of my mother, my brother who was my best friend drowning at 19 yrs old, and my mother dying unexpectedly 2 years later of a heart attack at 57. I'm sure there is more but I can't think properly anymore.


To make matters very slightly worse(lol) I came here to learn ways out, and suddenly I feel less able to do it when I was moments away prior to coming and reading stories here a few nights ago.

God feels like a big kid with a magnifying glass frying us ants.

Through all of this I have started drinking everyday. I can't sleep more than 2-4 hours a night... I'm standing at the bus stop but I cant get on.

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear all those heartbreaking things happened to you! Big hugs! I know it doesn't take away your pains, and that's one hell of a horrible situation to be in right now. Sorry to hear also about your mum. That's tragic, and your brother. I can't find the right words to say. Dumbfounded with shock for all that you've been through. **hugs**

Hi, I am Alex, 28M Southwest UK.

I was actually improving over the last year but lockdown has destroyed all that work and now I am lower than ever. I don't have anyone to talk to about this as anyone I know has their own shit going on and I don't want to trouble them. Current news around the world is convincing me things are only going to get worse and I can't take it. I have made one attempt in the past which was very spur of the moment and not thought out. I was getting things together for another attempt about 2 years ago but was caught.

hi you're not alone, the lockdown has pissed all over my life too. I'm in the Uk as well. If you need to chat, my conversation /DM's open. Feeling shit and having nobody to talk to is impossible to cope with. Even if I'm not on here every day I'll reply when I'm back on. **hugs**

 

[wagwoo]

HI, I'm Leon. 21 USA.
I like to draw when in the mood and spend my time daydreaming of cool stories when I'm not suffering.

I like anime, gaming and most genres of music with the exception of a lot of radio songs.

I was diagnosed with manic depression and also deal with a painful chronic illness. Life sucks but there are some things in my life that could lead to a less painful existence, we'll just have to wait and see. Feel free to say hi, I'm up to talk about anything.

 

[Krash1990]

Hello my friend.!
I would suggest taking a test for Lyme disease and coinfections from a THIRD PARTY. The test your garbage is 75-85% incorrect.

This is the only thing that helped me cure my depression.

Of course now a stressor(multiples actually) will cause the bacteria to come out of their hiding stage l(persister) we don't have a reliable cure yet but we have a lot of promises. Find out if they could be true for you.

please exhaust all other resourcesnodes you take your own lie.

I understand youre ina hard place. I've been there, I over fame it. My issue is that I married the "woman of my dreams" after her telling me she has cheated on EVERY PERSON SHE EVER DATED.

The love I had for her and the compassionate companionship she had for me was amazing...
However, that ended in her cheating on me after so begged and cried for her to just be faithful. I told her she could be anything f she a wanted to be as long as she was faithful. Whether she wanted to gain 300lbs, or not work, or not change diapers of our children, etc et.

 

[Irrelevant biologist]

Hi everyone. I am 40 and female with a beautiful daughter and a meaningless marriage. My dad killed himself GSW a few months ago and I have a restraining order against my mom who rang my doorbell and threatened to kill herself on my doorstep. I have no reason to be here except for my kiddo. I work in a laboratory and my coworkers hate me because of my lack of social skills. I drink. Alot.

I have a beautiful daughter.

 

[NorthernStar]

Hi all - I am 47-year-old female (but I read at a 48-year-old level). I currently live in the Hell's Kitchen neighborhood of Manhattan with my soon-to-be-ex husband and our cat. (The divorce will be amicable - and I am fond of his gf.) I just am going through a lot of stress because I will be moving back to California to take care of my 85-year-old mom in my go-nowhere hometown.

I will be giving up my nice apartment, my relationship, my city, and most importantly, my cat. He is very fond of my husband and it wouldn't be fair to him to drag him across country to a scary new place.

I work remotely so I will be able to see my cat when I travel back for my job in NY. But otherwise, the life I've known for the past 13 years will be gone. I'm scared shitless.

Like the woman above me, I too drink a lot. I get very depressed when that occurs and I envision jumping off my 9th floor terrace.

I like to diffuse tension with bad jokes and worse puns. And sometimes photos of my cat. Here's one of each. Thanks for reading.

"I'm gonna tell you a short joke about potassium. K?"

 

[CavalierClay]

Howdy all,

I'm CavalierClay, and I need a minimum amount of posts to access some forum features, I think. Hopefully this counts!

I've been lurking around reading threads here and there for about 8 months now, and finally decided to create an account and join in the discussion.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Howdy all,

I'm CavalierClay, and I need a minimum amount of posts to access some forum features, I think. Hopefully this counts!

I've been lurking around reading threads here and there for about 8 months now, and finally decided to create an account and join in the discussion.

Welcome to S.S.

 

[JB1999]

first time, long time

In all seriousness I have lurked here for a while and finally decided to make an account.

I am a 20 y/o male and I have struggled with some pretty heavy bouts of depression in the past. In all honesty I have always felt bad about feeling that way because I have had a great life. I have great (although far from perfect of course) parents and three younger siblings that all look up to me. They are the only reason that I haven't CTB yet.

Hope to add some to the discussions here

 

[casctb]

Hello. I've made a few posts on here already but I've decided I should probably introduce myself properly.

18 yr old F from NY. I love animals and have some out of the ordinary interests.

I came on this website to find friends possibly that understand and relate to what I'm feeling. I have love in my life but I feel it is not enough because I still feel so alone. All of the interactions I've seen from here show that you all are lovely so I decided to make an account.

 

[Good4Nothing]

I see how honest everyone is here so I thought I would introduce myself as well. I'm 55 and I have not lived a day of my life where I haven't thought about killing myself. When I was 15 I tried hanging... I passed out right away, however the belt broke and I got a gash on the side of my head. In my 20's I decided I would not kill myself until my mother died, as she had MS and I felt really guilty doing that to her (my father and sister had already died and it was only me). She passed 2 years ago, about a month before a cat followed me on a walk and hopped into my car. I tried to find the owner with no luck , so now I decided to wait until she lives out her natural life (she is 8). I avoided getting pets my entire life because I knew it would make it harder for me ... but here I am. I have Nitrogen tanks, SN, rope, and ready to go when the time comes. Until then I am basically a recluse and try and avoid any drama.

Thanks for reading!

You're too sexy for this bus!

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I have a niece named Lydia. I'll be your friend, if you want. I'm an old fart, but still a kid at heart.

You're not old! You are a nice loving guy!

 

[Good4Nothing]

You're not old! You are a nice loving guy!

Aw, shucks. Thanks (I am kinda old, though...)

 

[Raminiki]

Hello everyone and thank you for accepting me into this community. It's heartening to find a precious place like this exists in a judgemental and censored world.

I'm in my third decade, female, in Scotland. I'd be happy to speak with anyone local or not so, privately. I'm reluctant to post too much information in a public context.

I suffer chronic depression, as well as being autistic, and having diagnoses of anxiety disorder, BPD/EUPD and bipolar. Also asexual, so on that alternative spectrum. Medical services have been more hurtful than helpful in over two decades of trying to be a functional member of society.

I've been subjected to various traumas since childhood and have been passively suicidal since my early teens, but have never self-harmed or made an attempt. I study the topic off and on. The pandemic, climate change, pollution/overpopulation and general current state of the word has increased my interest in suicide. I see it as a security net and basic human right, having the choice to go at any time, especially because I never made the choice to be here.

Thank you all for having the courage to be here and speak out. Respect to you, and sympathy for your struggles.

 

[Isadeth]

Thank you for accepting me into the group. I've spent a long time following and decided to join, then the site went down. I'm very glad it's back up.

I'm 28, female, married, and a mother. I have two children that have passed and two here on Earth. I often feel they will be better off without me. But I continue, for now.

Life hasn't been the kindest. But that seems to be a common trend here.

I've attempted suicide multiple times and have failed each time. First at 9 trying to hang in my attic. The last being in 2017. I went to use a firearm in the spur of the moment. My husband physically tackled me and fought the gun out of my hand. The exit bag appealed to me, but after my gun "incident" my supplies were found. I was put inpatient. SN is the new appeal. I have been prepping for awhile, I won't fail again. But I have to be smart about it, and I don't want to traumatize my children.

Unfortunately, my father in law just completed suicide and now I feel like I have to wait. I'm jealous. He slit his wrists and we didn't find him for about two weeks due to the virus. I cleaned that up with my coworkers who were kind enough to help me in a different county than where we work.

I've been obsessed with the thought of death and dying since I was very young so I made a career out of it. Ironically. Why not? Because of this, my affairs have been in order since I was 18 and I just keep updating them. I keep staying for others around me. I'm just tired. I'm probably just rambling at this point. But hi.

 

[Raminiki]

Thank you for accepting me into the group. I've spent a long time following and decided to join, then the site went down. I'm very glad it's back up.

I'm 28, female, married, and a mother. I have two children that have passed and two here on Earth. I often feel they will be better off without me. But I continue, for now.

Life hasn't been the kindest. But that seems to be a common trend here.

I've attempted suicide multiple times and have failed each time. First at 9 trying to hang in my attic. The last being in 2017. I went to use a firearm in the spur of the moment. My husband physically tackled me and fought the gun out of my hand. The exit bag appealed to me, but after my gun "incident" my supplies were found. I was put inpatient. SN is the new appeal. I have been prepping for awhile, I won't fail again. But I have to be smart about it, and I don't want to traumatize my children.

Unfortunately, my father in law just completed suicide and now I feel like I have to wait. I'm jealous. He slit his wrists and we didn't find him for about two weeks due to the virus. I cleaned that up with my coworkers who were kind enough to help me in a different county than where we work.

I've been obsessed with the thought of death and dying since I was very young so I made a career out of it. Ironically. Why not? Because of this, my affairs have been in order since I was 18 and I just keep updating them. I keep staying for others around me. I'm just tired. I'm probably just rambling at this point. But hi.

Welcome, I'm new here too. I hope you find the resources and comfort you require.

 

[Isadeth]

Welcome, I'm new here too. I hope you find the resources and comfort you require.

Thank you for the welcome ♡ welcome to you as well!

 

[Belgiumdude]

I'm a 32 year old guy from Belgium. I've had episodes of depression for the latter half of my life, and I suffer from two medical conditions that, while non-life-threatening, severely impact my quality of life.

Besides that my life has been a succeion of wrong choices. When it comes to relationships, work, finance... Things never seen to work out.

Lately it's been getting harder and harder to keep going and have been seriously researching ways to ctb. I'm just not sure I'll have the balls to go through with it...