Introduce yourself

[Cemetery_Flowers]

Hi @Cemetery_Flowers , welcome... good to meet you, sorry you're here. Your profile is set to private, but you can change that in the settings.

Thank you for your kind words. I had no idea my profile was set to private, I've fixed it now.

 

[12-hour Kitten]

Hey there, I'm 19 and have been dealing with depression and SI since 10 years old. Future university dropout and present failure. I take meds and go to therapy but I know there's no point anymore. Need to get over my cowardice and find a way to end it all.

 

[iamnotadinosaur:(]

Hey y'all! I've been lurking for a couple years and have just made an account.
I struggle with autism and intense anxiety (honestly probably depression too)
I am a VERY queer individual and spend most of my time dissociating and wishing I wasn't here :)

 

[Kos]

Hi I'm Kos. I lurked for some time before finally deciding to make an account. Where I live doesn't have places to discuss these sort of things, so I'm relieved to be here. I love history a lot.

 

[SkySocket]

Hi everyone! I'm into rock and alternative music (Breaking Benjamin, Linkin Park, The Pretty Reckless), love sci-fi shows like Rick and Morty and The Orville, and enjoy spending time outdoors—especially walking the local lake trails. I'm here to connect, share ideas, and learn from others. Looking forward to some great conversations!

 

[scordatura]

Hello,
I'm new here, I have browsed what is accessible from the outside for sometime and I am pleased to finally join the community. I will use this space to express myself in ways I cannot elsewhere. I consider myself a rambler, and I experience fear and despair to an intense degree. I have many thoughts which I explore, both inside my head and outside my head, from the stunningly beautiful to the agonisingly terrible, maybe you will explore them with me in time.
I've put a little effort into creating a profile picture and banner, I hope you like it. I look forward to meeting you all.

 

[hartodemisalud]

Hi!
I've been suffering from a shitty health for years. I've been lurking here for a while and finally made an account.

 

[Andarna]

Hi Everyone! Thank you for having me. I've been lurking here for over a year and I thought it would be a good idea to finally say hello ^_^

My name is Andarna. I'm +30F from Central Europe.

I've been struggling with severe depression and anxiety for almost 20 years and because of that I've never been able to build a normal life. To put it simply: I'm a hopeless hikikomori. I don't live, I just exist and I really hope it will end soon. Anhedonia has devoured most of my interests, but I still like puzzles and reading books. I spend most of my time listening to music and daydreaming so I can escape from reality.

I was planning to ctb next month with SN, but due to certain life circumstances I have to postpone it until at least next year, so I'm stuck here for a little bit longer. I'm not happy about this, but it is what it is...

 

[decayingdoll]

hiii ! i'm decayingdoll or just 'doll' ꒰𓏼´ `𓏼 ྀི ♡
i'm 18 and i'm a new member ! i've been suffering from various mental illness since i was 11-12 and attempted ctb my fair share of times. currently deep in sh too, welp :') i don't have many friends, but since i plan on staying around probably for a few more days i'd like to meet new people and just say hi ♡

honestly this entire website feels like a sigh of relief, and like i can express myself without judgement . . so grateful to be here <3

 

[Sinful]

Hello to all you lovely people of SaSu!

I had been lurking for a hot minute before I created my account here. And man, I'm glad I did!
This is one of the most positive spaces I have seen online and its almost ironic; people who are in the most amount of pain imaginable, to the point of wanting to end it all, are also the nicest, kindest and most loving people


A little about me:


I am male, in my 30s and I'm from EU (says alot ikr!). I have been what you would consider a "normie" throughout all of my adult life - at least from the outside observers perspective. I fit in. I get along with people. It's almost like I don't even know myself at times when I think back at it. I've gone from a super social kid with ADHD, to an early bloomer and party animal, to what you would consider a hermit, to what I am now: a relatively well rounded individual with extraordinarily colorful past.


Some of you may have read my comments or posts and I may come off as a bit terse - which I admittedly am. This is how I was raised, with tough love; I learned emotional control and efficient communication from a very young age and while I have grown in all other areas, online spaces is where it still shows itself. And while I may not be the most emotionally expressive person out there, I still feel emotions and have my own way of processing them. I have experienced the full spectrum of emotions and sensations one can experience: pain, grief, happiness, uncertainty. You name it. And most importantly - I am fully capable of emphatising with others.


(insert some small talk about me being quite nerdy and indoorsy, addicted to caffeine, my eclectic music tastes and my love for psychological thriller and horror movies, games and 92 being half of 99)


One of the biggest life lessons I have learned is to never HATE. Hate is toxic and incredibly destructive. Instead, I will simply remove myself from the situation should I ever go as far as thinking that I'm starting to hate something - which is exactly what I'm planning to do. I will simply remove myself from the situation. I'm not happy with the life decisions I've made; I'm not happy with where the society as a whole is heading and a whole lot more.. I am happy about sticking to moral values, about always trying to bring positivity into others' lives and SO, SO MUCH MORE


Well.. I've been quite bad with introductions for my entire life and, creative writing has never been exactly my forté but at least I have tried. Hopefully this gives you, the reader, some kind of insight about me as a person!


Thank you for taking your time to read my weird rambling intro

 

[RE2PAWN]

Meowdy! I'm a 20 something year old nerd who decided to uproot his entire life and is now facing the consequences of such a decision. I like video games, indie music, niche internet bullshit, horror, vintage toys, and old web aesthetics and design.

My favorite games right now are Roblox, Disco Elysium, Overwatch 2, and a recreation of the fictional game from the popular webseries known as Petscop.

I'm mostly what would be referred to as "passively suicidal", but in recent times, I have felt my urge to CTB growing, so now I'm just biding my time and saving up money to pay my partner back and buy some SN before I actually commit to it.

 

[death over slavery]

Hey, 20M here, a new member but I'm actually scrolling on SaSu for almost 2 years. I decided to register since the forum is filled with positive, pro-choice people, unlike most communities who continuously shove their pro-life agendas and don't really understand suicidal people (or at least me). I hope SaSu continues like this.

I'm a big mess of myself and have chronic suicide ideations since high school. I suffered family neglect and abuse (just recently realized that through Chat GPT), which impacted my personal and social life. Due to my horrible upbringing, I decided to rebel against society by doing something that is not a norm in my area: being an atheist, an aro, a nihilist, and an antinatalist. I don't like being a slave of the government or society, and the ultimate way to do that is to achieve death, the one thing that will set me free from the shackles of society.

Thanks SaSu for accepting me

 

[LighthouseHermit]

Thank you for welcoming me to this community.

I've been reading threads for a few weeks now, contemplating to join. You wouldn't be surprised that I did

Most communities are passive aggressive and just plain hostile, especially to the socially awkward. Been on many forums, but most have group bully mentality. Older members start pushing you in unpleasant ways. What would seem to others like kindness, is a mask that makes you feel threatened. I think most people here understand what I mean. There is often a group of people that are incredibly harsh and like bullying people, often with insults masked as humor. These people are incredibly socially manipulative and often have friends backing them. Even worse is when they are friends with moderators, and literally can tell you to off yourself with no consequence.

I've always been someone that despises bullying and hates injustice with a passion. In school, with family, and everywhere else, I always stopped bullying, mostly at the expense of myself, which I agree is stupid. You can't change what you are, and I will never be one of them.

I believe in equality and equity. Don't judge but respect people for their problems.

Asked people in the past to describe me, and the first thing they say is that I am loyal to an extreme. I've been so loyal to people that didn't deserve it, and thankfully have learned to only be loyal to those that treat me with respect and loyalty as well.

Came here to get information about ways to end it and to meet people who think the same way. When a dog or other pet suffers, you go to the vet and can chose to end the suffering. Why can't we choose to end it? It's our life, and we aren't prisoners.

 

[zizzou]

I'm J, 29m. I lost the love of my life recently. I carry the guilt and responsibility for our tragedy. New to all this actually. I've never been suicidal, or SHing, or depressed. Ignorance really is bliss.

 

[screwed3370]

Hello everybody.

I'm a 18M from Finland who has had a lot of mental health problems and other stuff going on over the years which i won't get that much into in this reply.
Altough, I have been in a more stable state recently.
I like videogames, fiction and writing fiction + worldbuilding, cats, chess, music, eSports, all kinds of art even if I don't practice the art form/medium myself.
I decided to join this forum because of how understanding and welcoming it felt, the people seem friendly and on the same wavelength as me and I saw that there were recovery, vent and other kinds of threads, but also open and understanding conversations about suicide and depression.

 

[bpd.mess]

I just wanted to say hello. I'm giving therapy another try. I have my first appointment in three weeks. If it doesn't work out, I'll seriously plan my suicide after years of contemplation. I'm meant to graduate next year, and I feel like things could work out for me, but if I can't get my mental health in check, there won't be any point in pursuing a good career.

 

[LighthouseHermit]

I just wanted to say hello. I'm giving therapy another try. I have my first appointment in three weeks. If it doesn't work out, I'll seriously plan my suicide after years of contemplation. I'm meant to graduate next year, and I feel like things could work out for me, but if I can't get my mental health in check, there won't be any point in pursuing a good career.

Good luck with your therapy. Hope it works out for you

 

[Runescape2277]

Hello Everyone!

I am a mid-twenties man from the US. Currently battling some things in my personal life. I have lurked here for a long time, and decided to try and get to know some people here and make an account!

I love Video Games (honestly mainly just OSRS) and music.

Thank you so much for helping me navigate what has become the second worst period in my life so far. <3

 

[GrievingPhantom]

Hello! I am 'GrievingPhantom'.

I am a 19M 'high functioning' AuDHD singer-songwriter/rapper who likely has BPD and maybe Bipolar as well. I was diagnosed with PTSD and put on an antidepressant for a couple months about 2 years ago and I stopped taking them cold turkey after they began to make me feel numb on month 3 or so, I now have an ADHD diagnosis and am medicated for it. My impulses seem to take over every area of my life and I can't seem to control my addictions at the moment (mainly w33d but you can name everything from YT to videogames or gambling). I have so many ambitions but can't seem to stick to anything for a full year and I know I need to move out of my moms house but I feel like every time I get up on my feet everything comes crashing down whether it's my fault or not. I end up self sabotaging and stopping myself from achieving anything but I feel like that can also just be my depression kicking in, I go from manic to depressed and my adhd meds don't exactly help with that. I may have all the above mentioned mental issues since my father is a total ASD case and my mom says her mother gave me and her manic-depressive disorder since that's what she believes she has. I know its possible I didn't inherit all of them since the symptoms frequently overlap and there are a lot of other factors in my case but I am sure as hell I have BPD because of all the trauma I've endured since I was just 10 years old and as a result I find myself often having passive suicidal ideation and feel like I am almost too much of a 'coward' to go through with anything, I know this is really just because I can't stop thinking about how much everyone would miss me and that I don't want to hurt them, but at the same time I've recently come to a realization that I put everyone's needs above my own out of habit since it was a survival mechanism from when my sister and I would fight for example. This is a large reason why I end up feeling like a burden to everyone despite knowing I am the exact opposite, since I frequently try to be the best brother/son/friend I can, and when I end up coming up short on my own goals/life I blame myself for not being like the people around me who I try to please so desperately. It's never enough and I end up looking inward and realizing I don't truly like myself, and at times even despise the idea of who I really am. I have been trying to do the work recently of putting my needs first and this constantly makes me feel guilty for the way people react since they aren't used to it.
Everybody calls me 'smart' but deep down I feel so dumb, every time I watch myself make the same mistakes over and over in different areas of my life it reinforces that belief and I end up having a completely warped image of myself from what people are used to, and this is what I end up creating in my own reality over and over. I'm sick of it, I know there is more to experience but the world is so stressful nowadays and I am only now at an age I can experience it but I feel so stuck and it kills me inside. I think I don't even want to die but I feel like I died long ago, and I am but a husk in the body I inhabit.

All that to say, I am doing alright at the moment. I think all I can really do is focus on the moment, its easier said than done but that's what I'll do for now.
Thanks for reading my essay idk if they are meant to be this long in this thread but you guys can lmk your thoughts if you want I'm always down for a chat and I hope your day is going well :P.

 

[Keridwen]

Hey, I'm 34, UK
Been suicidal for 25 years,
Would rather not be, trying not to be ...
Ironically I'm frontline emergency services so my job is often helping people who feel this way....
And of course spending most of my time and energy pretending I don't feel this way.
I'm diagnosed ADHD and almost certainly ASD.
I love everything and nothing depending on the day.

 

[IRHEXED]

Hi I'm 40M, UK.

Agoraphobic, Bipolar Gamer riddled with CPTSD.

Funnily enough, I enjoy playing survival games whilst actively planning on not surviving irl. Mainly Dayz and SCUM.
I used to play A LOT of Old School Runescape as an Ironman. I've recently stopped with the grind though, because what's the point, right?!

I stumbled across SS a couple of weeks ago while researching methods. I lurked for a bit but decided to make an account last night.
I'm always alone so it was kinda comforting to see so many people feeling the same way. I don't mean that to sound bad, but knowing you're not alone and being able to interact with people that get you can provide great solace?

Anyway, here's to hoping we find the answers we're looking for!

 

[treecat]

23f from US
I remember finding SS a year or two ago but never made an account until now. I've been suicidal for more than half my life. But I told myself I had to give life my best shot and if it still didn't work out then I could CTB. So, now I feel like my time is near.
Im a musician, cat lover to two cats, and like to do coloring books. I spend a lot of time on youtube and watch lets plays or paranormal investigations. At least I think I like these things, but most days I cant bring myself to do them anymore.
I dont know if anyone else has been feeling a similar debilitating loneliness, but I would love to make friends or talk to people on here.

 

[Bismillah6925]

I'm not sure if I ever formally introduced myself. I'm Bismillah, 33M from US. Moderate gamer, moderately religious, gourmand, listener of opera, watcher of British TV, and lover of crosswords.

I'm not looking to die right now (unless God was so merciful), but my life sucks and I'm in despair. I work a stressful job for a tough boss and it's just me and them. I constantly go above and beyond and get shit for it. I do my best and it's not enough. My family and friends don't really think of me.

But what made me join this site was that it didn't try to route me to the National Suicide Hotline for mentioning depression. Everyone just wants to hide it and then when you need help, push you aside to a call center where metrics are more important than helping you. There's real people here, and you all understand what it's like to not want to get up tomorrow and wish to die in the middle of the night. And you won't shame me for feeling that way or NOT feeling that way.

 

[679chocolates]

hi i'm 20m coming back to sasu after a couple years. i like nerdy things like books and games. life's gotten quite bad and lonely again and so i find myself back here but i love how i can still freely express myself here without fear of being judged. i love you all!

 

[Hibiki]

hi every-wan...! i'm hibiki nekozuka from blue archive, but if she were 18 and passively suicidal. i've been suicidal at least since i was 10 and i suppose it's gotten much worse over the years, but things like music, friends, cats, games, and cute girls make me feel like holding on for a little longer. i suppose i also feel like i should take some time to explore adulthood (i didn't believe i would make it to 18). i'll wag my tail and follow you around if you say nice things to me, so i guess i'm relatively easy to befriend, if you'd be interested in that... or i could just give you my paw if you'd prefer that instead.

 

[imhuman]

Hello all im imhuman im45 years old female I exist (not live )but breathe in north Wales UK I'm nothing really just a Anker that's weighs on others I was born to parents who didn't want me palmed me off at any chance my mum she hated me behind the doors but when people came in oh she was Mary Poppins I managed to get away at 16 when she threw me through the door at 2.30am I never looked back but I could never live or fit into this world now I'm 45 and I can't go anymore so that's me a45 years old sad lonely waste of air thanks for reading

 

[imhuman]

Hello all im imhuman im45 years old female I exist (not live )but breathe in north Wales UK I'm nothing really just a Anker that's weighs on others I was born to parents who didn't want me palmed me off at any chance my mum she hated me behind the doors but when people came in oh she was Mary Poppins I managed to get away at 16 when she threw me through the door at 2.30am I never looked back but I could never live or fit into this world now I'm 45 and I can't go anymore so that's me a45 years old sad lonely waste of air thanks for reading

 

[Lost Kin]

Hey y'all I'm Lost Kin or just Lost. Like you can see, I've been a member for some time now. I rarely interact here, mostly because I don't have much motivation or I simply don't know how I should start a conversation, but I like interacting and talking with others even though I think I suck at it. So that's why I decided to introduce myself here.

Like I mentioned, I'm Lost Kin a 22M, and I'm from EUW. Most of my days are spent at work, and sometimes I go to the GYM. I may look functional from the outside, but on the inside it is another story. I overthink every action of mine, everything I speak or do can haunt me for years. Because of that, I have a lot of self-hatred. In my free time, I mostly just play games, listen to music, watch some series or anime and sometimes play some online games with friends over Discord. If you're interested in what games I play, here is a list with some of the games I currently play and some of my favourites.

Spoiler: Games

-Terraria (Most likely my most played game)

-Borderlands (All parts except New tales from the Borderlands)

- Yakuza / Judgment / Lost Judgment

- Nier Automata / Replicant

- Hollow Knight and Silksong (Surprised?)

- Outer Wilds

- Octopath Traveler

- The Binding of Isaac

- Risk of Rain

- Dead Cells

- Balatro

- The Last of Us Part 1

- Monster Hunter World / Rise / Wilds

- Alot of Sonic games (mostly the old ones)

- Ultrakill

- Persona 3 Reload / 5 Royal

- Metaphor ReFantazio

- Devil May Cry 5

- Diablo 3 / 4

- Clair Obscure: Expedition 33

- Dragon Quest 11

- Undertale / Deltarune

- Hotline Miami

- Katana Zero

- Xenoblade Chronicles 1 / 2 / 3

- Limbus Company

- Library of Ruina

- Hi-Fi Rush

And many more to list

The last few years, I often have these phases where I don't find any motivation to do anything at all. Just mindlessly lying in my bed or sitting in front of my PC trying to play something, but just end up looking at my steam library and deciding to watch YouTube instead. Because of the lack of motivation I tend to be lonely because I self-isolate and rarely start a conversation with anyone.

 

[broken serenity]

Hi hiii! Serenity here! 30 and trans, I use they/she pronouns.
I'm not sure about anything but I've always felt off about the whole "when you grow up you'll be [insert gender here]" and I've always been interested in the idea of being able to choose to ctb yourself.
I've had thoughts since I was a kid, both the fun trans thoughts and the less pleasant bus ones.


I really appreciate this place. It's like a void to scream into and a sad (but friendly) gettogether at the same time.
I'm already sure which ticket imma get but happy to have y'all's support and company in the meantime. I can't do anything for a bit but excited for next year!

Hobbies, cuz we trying to pass time here: drift-skates, music (listening& playing), writing (mostly thoughts, but some prose), tech is cool, bio is cool, ummm dancing when nobody's watching :)

Likes: obsidian, pain, cashews, cats
Dislikes: aluminum, suffering, plastic, how bright the sun is

 

[Mira Gaga]

Hi, Mira here. I'm 18f, from Cali USA. I have bpd, comorbid homicidal ocd, and I've attempted suicide 5-6 times in the past. I was sexually abused since I was three. I don't know who I am anymore. I've lost touch with reality, with my family and friends. I find peace in sleep, so I od on pills or codeine. I hope to know some more people who feel like me here. I don't know why I still have hope. I feel empty inside. Empty and shitty.