Venting Intense day dreaming

[fiora]

When I was young, I used to believe I had a very active imagination. I would be so lost in my own head and day dream of a different life (usually based off of wtv my biggest interest was) and sit there thinking of these scenarios. I know it doesn't sound bad because I get that everyone day dreams and I feel so stupid for even complaining about this.

But these "day dreams" are so real to me and they last for years before they switch to something else. I don't know if I'm even real sometimes or if I'm the character in my head. Like, I can't remember if I did/said something or if I did it in my head. I can't tell what are my own emotions because I'm just a character in my own imagination. I can't stop it either, even when I try to preoccupy myself I'm still imagining these characters and this other life. I
forget what I look like and stare at pictures of myself or just look at myself in the mirror and it feels so weird and sends me into an identity crisis.

I know the characters in my head aren't real, they're fictional characters but I always imagine them being real and like with me to the point I forget it's fake. It just feels so real. I can't remember what memories I made up versus my real ones. I know I'm complaining over nothing but I hate feeling like this, I hate not knowing what's real and what's not. I hate that I can't recognize if I'm real or if my emotions are even mine or not.

I just feel so stupid for this, and it sucks because what if my decision to ctb isn't actually mine but it's in my head for the "plot"? It's like I can't trust anything I feel or remember.

 

[StarryEyed]

Hi @LXXCH

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. I relate to a lot of what you say. The psychiatrists have told me the symptoms you describe that I also have are symptoms of dissociative fugue, depersonalisation and psychosis. They started very young for me. Of course I can't make a diagnosis but it sounds like what I have. Fortunately I don't have it all all the time, but typically something is always off.

Have you sought counselling? Counselling and meds have helped me a lot. Mind you, here I am on this forum.

 

[fiora]

Hi @LXXCH

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. I relate to a lot of what you say. The psychiatrists have told me the symptoms you describe that I also have are symptoms of dissociative fugue, depersonalisation and psychosis. They started very young for me. Of course I can't make a diagnosis but it sounds like what I have. Fortunately I don't have it all all the time, but typically something is always off.

Have you sought counselling? Counselling and meds have helped me a lot. Mind you, here I am on this forum.

no, I haven't tried counseling or anything like that to help it. I never really put much thought into it because I can't tell if I'm over reacting but I might have to look into it ig.. it's super frequent for me and it's been going on for so long it feels like it would be weird not to be "lost in thought" yk? but can I ask what meds you were put on to help cope with it?

 

[StarryEyed]

Yeah, being constantly disoriented within oneself and within the world makes living very challenging!

Yes, of course you can ask about meds. I use a benzodiazepine to control my anxiety to prevent panic attacks. Panic attacks when you're already disoriented is a double whammy. Do you have anxiety?

If I can't sleep, I use something for that. Lack of sleep when you're already disoriented? Yeah.

And when I get symptoms of dissociation or psychosis, I take antipsychotics.

I've done a ton of work, so at this point I take all meds only as needed - nothing daily. But that could change if I go into crisis.

I hope that helps.

Do you have someone IRL to talk to? I find friends and family help keep me connected to reality.

 

[fiora]

Yeah, being constantly disoriented within oneself and within the world makes living very challenging!

Yes, of course you can ask about meds. I use a benzodiazepine to control my anxiety to prevent panic attacks. Panic attacks when you're already disoriented is a double whammy. Do you have anxiety?

If I can't sleep, I use something for that. Lack of sleep when you're already disoriented? Yeah.

And when I get symptoms of dissociation or psychosis, I take antipsychotics.

I've done a ton of work, so at this point I take all meds only as needed - nothing daily. But that could change if I go into crisis.

I hope that helps.

Do you have someone IRL to talk to? I find friends and family help keep me connected to reality.

yes, I do have really bad social anxiety and because of it I cut off all my irl relationships,, so really work is the one thing that makes me go out and "connect" with people.

and yes, this actually really did help me a lot, thank you. I'm sorry that you also have to deal with this too, it's very exhausting to deal with. I have noticed that long convos does help me stay connected to reality most times

 

[StarryEyed]

You're welcome. Good to hear that's useful. Thank you for your empathy.

Maybe you could consider this forum as a stepping stone to making new friends IRL? Count me in, if you're interested.

Yes indeed it's unbelievably exhausting to live in this head!!

Something that helps me a ton with anxiety is camomile tea. It's really good for digestion too. Have you tried that?

 

[Pikanoose]

Daydreaming is my life tbh. Got so many cool worlds stories and characters going

 

[AllMyDreams]

no, I haven't tried counseling or anything like that to help it. I never really put much thought into it because I can't tell if I'm over reacting but I might have to look into it ig.. it's super frequent for me and it's been going on for so long it feels like it would be weird not to be "lost in thought" yk? but can I ask what meds you were put on to help cope with it?

I agree with @StarryEyed, this sounds like a psychosis or even schizophrenia, and if you see a doctor you could help improve your situation.

 

[fiora]

You're welcome. Good to hear that's useful. Thank you for your empathy.

Maybe you could consider this forum as a stepping stone to making new friends IRL? Count me in, if you're interested.

Yes indeed it's unbelievably exhausting to live in this head!!

Something that helps me a ton with anxiety is camomile tea. It's really good for digestion too. Have you tried that?

ofc! and yea I should probably start going out and try to socialize more to help stay out of my head, and ofc I'll be interested!

I heard of camomile tea, but I never actually tried it,, I'll definitely give it a chance tho

I agree with @StarryEyed, this sounds like a psychosis or even schizophrenia, and if you see a doctor you could help improve your situation.

psychosis or schizophrenia is never something I'd even consider, I always thought I just had a really intense imagination (even tho ik how stupid that sounds) but I'll think about it, especially if there's a chance that it'll make this stop

Daydreaming is my life tbh. Got so many cool worlds stories and characters going

yeaa, it consumes the majority of my life to the point I will skip events/plans to stay in my daydreams. It's not multiple worlds for me and I can't decide or change any of it (or control the characters rly). I find it very frustrating not being able to differentiate between what's real and not especially when it comes to myself, are there things you do to cope with it?

 

[AllMyDreams]

ofc! and yea I should probably start going out and try to socialize more to help stay out of my head, and ofc I'll be interested!

I heard of camomile tea, but I never actually tried it,, I'll definitely give it a chance tho

psychosis or schizophrenia is never something I'd even consider, I always thought I just had a really intense imagination (even tho ik how stupid that sounds) but I'll think about it, especially if there's a chance that it'll make this stop

Yes, antipsychotic medication can help you if that's what you have!

I'm not a doctor, I just know that if you see and interact with characters in your head, and they seem so real you can't tell if they're fake, that's a major symptom.

 

[theboy]

I have had vivid dreams. I have also had lucid dreams.

 

[StarryEyed]

It's a pretty bland tea, so you could add lemon and/or honey or even mix it another tea. Sometimes I like to add crushed anise seed (tastes like licorice), which is also good for digestion. Camomile is also really good for insomnia. Another nice relaxer for anxiety and insomnia is warm milk with honey.

You might want to consider talking to your family doctor for his/her opinion about how you're feeling?

I look forward to hanging out more with you here. I'm off to sleep now. Take care. Good night. Huge hugs

 

[fiora]

I have had vivid dreams. I have also had lucid dreams.

I only lucid dreamed like once, but weirdly enough I don't remember my actual dream like that

 

[theboy]

I only lucid dreamed like once, but weirdly enough I don't remember my actual dream like that

Well, these kinds of dreams are supposed to be practiced so that they become more frequent. I can also remember dreams even when a long time has passed.