guayabas
Student
- Mar 19, 2023
- 167
Due to disability I'm trapped in a very psychologically abusive relationship with a narcissist and I'm more suicidal than I've ever been in my life. I finally told my friends and family all the awful details a few weeks ago in an attempt to reach out/get support. They barely said anything. A few offered some minor support and never got back to me. My own family member isn't returning my texts. The best support I got was one friend, who moved away a few years ago, video chatting with me a couple times.
My disabilities make me extremely vulnerable to covid, mostly in a likely-to-permanently-increase-my-chronic-pain-and-immobility way instead of a dying way, so I really don't want to risk it. It would just make all my problems worse than they are now. Despite his abuse, my abuser is the only local person I know who's willing to be extremely covid safe for me. Even finding a roommate to replace him is a threat to my health and safety. And he's the only person who regularly socializes with me anymore. Other than him I have 1 or 2 friends who exchange a couple texts a month with me. So, leaving him also means complete isolation. and idk, I guess I'd rather be abused than deal with all that. But either way I wanna ctb.
We've had multiple friends ctb the past year too. I just don't understand why they're not worried about me. One friend was feeling isolated and already planning on moving back to be closer to me, even offered to move in with me in the past, but now they changed their mind. One was so devastated when I wasn't gonna be able to make it to their wedding last year that I rearranged my life to go. They kept saying "idk what I would have done if my best friend wasn't at my wedding". When another friend was sui, I was at their house every night for weeks so they wouldn't have to be alone. And I don't even expect that level of support, not even close. But I can barely get a text. I get more support from my abuser than all my friends and family combined. None of it makes any sense to me.
My disabilities make me extremely vulnerable to covid, mostly in a likely-to-permanently-increase-my-chronic-pain-and-immobility way instead of a dying way, so I really don't want to risk it. It would just make all my problems worse than they are now. Despite his abuse, my abuser is the only local person I know who's willing to be extremely covid safe for me. Even finding a roommate to replace him is a threat to my health and safety. And he's the only person who regularly socializes with me anymore. Other than him I have 1 or 2 friends who exchange a couple texts a month with me. So, leaving him also means complete isolation. and idk, I guess I'd rather be abused than deal with all that. But either way I wanna ctb.
We've had multiple friends ctb the past year too. I just don't understand why they're not worried about me. One friend was feeling isolated and already planning on moving back to be closer to me, even offered to move in with me in the past, but now they changed their mind. One was so devastated when I wasn't gonna be able to make it to their wedding last year that I rearranged my life to go. They kept saying "idk what I would have done if my best friend wasn't at my wedding". When another friend was sui, I was at their house every night for weeks so they wouldn't have to be alone. And I don't even expect that level of support, not even close. But I can barely get a text. I get more support from my abuser than all my friends and family combined. None of it makes any sense to me.
