Discussion Inappropriate sexual approaches on here

[rationaltake]

I've seen a couple of posts about this today. How common is it?

 

[Snake of Eden]

Creepy and weird. I wonder what type of people find this type of environment enticing. Just getting a taste of all the sexually deranged stuff that is going around on the internet and media has almost completely eradicated my own sexual drive. I guess it is a good side effect that I didnt see coming. It just seems people are into cheap thrills in nauseating manner. To each their own I guess but I am happy to die in abstinence because the way that things are right now is just preposterous and to me it is so much better not to partake in any of it. I had my sexual history and it was fun while it lasted. Now I am happy to have put a stop to it because it is not about fun anymore. It is just madness

 

[rationaltake]

Creepy and weird. I wonder what type of people find this type of environment enticing. Just getting a taste of all the sexually deranged stuff that is going around on the internet and media has almost completely eradicated my own sexual drive. I guess it is a good side effect that I didnt see coming. It just seems people are into cheap thrills in nauseating manner. To each their own I guess but I am happy to die in abstinence because the way that things are right now is just preposterous and to me it is so much better not to partake in any of it. I had my sexual history and it was fun while it lasted. Now I am happy to have put a stop to it because it is not about fun anymore. It is just madness

I agree it is madness. There are plenty of sites for people who want sexual encounters so why come on here for that? A particular interest in the suicidal maybe?

 

[Meretlein]

Please report instances of such behavior to the moderators.

 

[NatalLiminality]

Probably abusive males looking to prey on women

 

[rationaltake]

Please report instances of such behavior to the moderators.

Thanks. I think it's good to remind us all about this.

 

[cambrai33]

Probably abusive males looking to prey on women

As above if you probably (I mean actually) see it then report it

 

[rationaltake]

Probably abusive males looking to prey on women

Possibly. I try to remember that anybody can seek to prey on anybody at all. Sadly no category of person is exempt from preying or being preyed on. Sexually or otherwise.

 

[pole]

this is definitely an issue staff is looking into.

harassment will not be tolerated. if anyone has ANY details, please PM myself or other staff members.

you aren't alone. do not be afraid to speak up and reach out.

 

[rationaltake]

this is definitely an issue staff is looking into.

harassment will not be tolerated. if anyone has ANY details, please PM myself or other staff members.

you aren't alone. do not be afraid to speak up and reach out.

Thanks. I'm glad you're on this.

 

[NatalLiminality]

As above if you probably (I mean actually) see it then report it

Never seen it

this is definitely an issue staff is looking into.

harassment will not be tolerated. if anyone has ANY details, please PM myself or other staff members.

you aren't alone. do not be afraid to speak up and reach out.

Based.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

this is definitely an issue staff is looking into.

harassment will not be tolerated. if anyone has ANY details, please PM myself or other staff members.

you aren't alone. do not be afraid to speak up and reach out.

There was a thread from someone that had fallen foul. I don't want to name them directly but it was recent. They were posting on this site, then stopped for a couple of months and then they started posting again to say their bf was guilty of exceptionally scummy behaviours. There were a few obvious red flags that were overlooked because of the relationship.

It's possible that they met their boyfriend on this site. There are a lot of vulnerable people still on this site and there always will be. It's an incredibly heartbreaking thread, some degree of security may be warranted. Not everyone is going to be a predator but I've been told by a member whos no longer on this site that there are potentially dangerous people here looking to hurt others for their own benefit.

 

[pole]

There was a thread from someone that had fallen foul. I don't want to name them directly but it was recent. They were posting on this site, then stopped for a couple of months and then they started posting again to say their bf was guilty of exceptionally scummy behaviours. There were a few obvious red flags that were overlooked because of the relationship.

It's possible that they met their boyfriend on this site. There are a lot of vulnerable people still on this site and there always will be. It's an incredibly heartbreaking thread, some degree of security may be warranted. Not everyone is going to be a predator but I've been told by a member whos no longer on this site that there are potentially dangerous people here looking to hurt others for their own benefit.

people are horrible, and these horrible people EXIST EVERYWHERE, even in safe spaces such as SS. these individuals love to prey on the forum, as it's easy for them to take advantage of vulnerable members. definitely agree with you.

unfortunately, many people that are harassed are fearful and struggle in silence, and for good reason. so it tends to be harder in figuring out where it's coming from.

regardless, we've dealt with this issue in the past, and have managed to address it when it arises. however, it is important for members to reach out and report such instances to moderators, even a gut feeling. it goes a long way.

i'll be PMing you further about that incident you mentioned in your response.

thanks again for emphasizing that this issue exists and the importance in discussing it.

 

[4eyebiped]

You are going to have predators, socially awkward and desperate people. The key is distinguishing between them. The mods have a lot of experience here. Report any concerns to them and they can analyze the chats, contact the potential offending party and settle things appropriately. The question is how do we reinforce the importance of reporting? How do we help to get those that are potentially being harass to speak up? Is there a way of having a banner perhaps that pops up every now and then that can be clicked away linking to a resource concerning this or something similar?

 

[justsayin]

You are going to have predators, socially awkward and desperate people. The key is distinguishing between them. The mods have a lot of experience here. Report any concerns to them and they can analyze the chats, contact the potential offending party and settle things appropriately. The question is how do we reinforce the importance of reporting? How do we help to get those that are potentially being harass to speak up? Is there a way of having a banner perhaps that pops up every now and then that can be clicked away linking to a resource concerning this or something similar?

I don't think there is a clear distinction between those groups. This forum is not tinder nor pornhub, but a place full of sexual abuse victims. Any kind of horny posting in random threads is inappropriate, especially if done repeatedly.

 

[rationaltake]

I don't think there is a clear distinction between those groups. This forum is not tinder nor pornhub, but a place full of sexual abuse victims. Any kind of horny posting in random threads is inappropriate, especially if done repeatedly.

Yes. I agree.

 

[4eyebiped]

I think there is a clear distinction between them. I would treat and view a manipulative harmful predator far differently than someone with a mental disorder that causes them to be very awkward in how they interact with people. One I would educate and the other I would ban. A predator is going to message many people till they find a victim, someone awkward most likely isn't as they aren't looking to harm or exploit someone. Just because someone says something you don't like or offends you does not automatically make them a bad person. They don't know your story and your triggers. If they continue after you tell them to stop, well that is a different situation (though you can block them). Ultimately, it really depends on the details of the situation as they can greatly vary. I have seen people call out harassment where there wasn't any and definitely seen many situations where it should had been called out.

I believe the big complaint here is what happens to some members through private messages that is not in the public eye. Public postings are seen by enough that anything abusive or inappropriate will most likely get reported by someone, if it is a true issue. If not, then step up and report the things you see.

Regardless, the key point of my message was trying to ensure those who felt someone was harassing them in any form, sexual or not, to inform the moderators and let them look into it. The moderators can then analyze all the data available and conclude if there is a problem and solve it accordingly.

 

[Sherri]

Report report report is your best option.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

"someone with a mental disorder that causes them to be very awkward in how they interact with people." - Self-control is not that difficult, also if they don't recognise what they're doing is inherently wrong then they won't change inappropriate behaviour.

"A predator is going to message many people till they find a victim, someone awkward most likely isn't as they aren't looking to harm or exploit someone." - Anyone can message a lot of people.

"I believe the big complaint here is what happens to some members through private messages that is not in the public eye. Public postings are seen by enough that anything abusive or inappropriate will most likely get reported by someone, if it is a true issue. If not, then step up and report the things you see." - Gaslighting and grooming are real things. Persuading someone that something didn't happen.


Absolutely people should report these incidents to moderators. Full agreement. Harassment, sexual inappropriateness, threats etc. That's the most important statement here.

 

[liberty_222]

I've seen a couple of posts about this today. How common is it?

I mean if you seem younger and vulnerable people do try to sweet talk you into crap

 

[justsayin]

Lesser offence can not be justified by pointing to a bigger one. All of them are bad, but require different kind of treatment. Real predators should be dealt by the police, verbal ones by mods. Most forum memebers have mental disorder of some kind, or are awkward, but make an effort to behave.

 

[rationaltake]

I mean if you seem younger and vulnerable people do try to sweet talk you into crap

That just isn't right and no way should you have to put up with it.

 

[liberty_222]

That just isn't right and no way should you have to put up with it.

Agreed. I'm not sure if I was right about what i was feeling but the mods reached out to me so i told them.

 

[rationaltake]

Lesser offence can not be justified by pointing to a bigger one. All of them are bad, but require different kind of treatment. Real predators should be dealt by the police, verbal ones by mods. Most forum memebers have mental disorder of some kind, or are awkward, but make an effort to behave.

I agree.

Agreed. I'm not sure if I was right about what i was feeling but the mods reached out to me so i told them.

Good for you. It's not easy to speak out but I'm glad you did. I'm pleased the mods are not only taking this seriously but are also taking action.

 

[Bleak]

I find the timing of this kind of suspicious. Right when the forum has publicly been slandered as predatory by the NYT, suddenly there is a spike in sexual predation? By all means do everything possible to stamp instances of it out, but I would also be wary if new accounts start popping up with lurid tales.

 

[liberty_222]

. I have seen people call out harassment where there wasn't any and definitely seen many situations where it should had been called out.

Look no offense but the people who don't report are the ones who read things like "i have seen people call out harassment when there wasn't any"
Frankly speaking, leave it to the people who felt uncomfortable to decide along with the mods. If more than one person feels something off then there must be something to it right?

I find the timing of this kind of suspicious. Right when the forum has publicly been slandered as predatory by the NYT, suddenly there is a spike in sexual predation? By all means do everything possible to stamp instances of it out, but I would also be wary if new accounts start popping up with lurid tales.

I again honestly do not think this is fair. You all are precisely the reason why people don't come out that easily. The forum is definitely not predatory. That doesn't mean there aren't predators here. There are predators everywhere. You'll find predators in the holy church.

 

[rationaltake]

I find the timing of this kind of suspicious. Right when the forum has publicly been slandered as predatory by the NYT, suddenly there is a spike in sexual predation? By all means do everything possible to stamp instances of it out, but I would also be wary if new accounts start popping up with lurid tales.

I don't remember any mention of sexual predation in the NYT report.

 

[4eyebiped]

Look no offense but the people who don't report are the ones who read things like "i have seen people call out harassment when there wasn't any"
Frankly speaking, leave it to the people who felt uncomfortable to decide along with the mods. If more than one person feels something off then there must be something to it right?

Um, I clearly stated in my message that anyone that feels they are being mistreated needs to speak up. Here is the quote from the post you just referenced. "Regardless, the key point of my message was trying to ensure those who felt someone was harassing them in any form, sexual or not, to inform the moderators and let them look into it."

Also read my post before that where I reinforce the need to find out how to make people comfortable in speaking up. Even mentioning a banner as a continued reminder every now and then. You guys are totally reading into what I am saying in a highly inaccurate way. EDIT: Which probably proves my point about perception.

 

[liberty_222]

I don't remember any mention of sexual predation in the NYT report.

I think there was like one line about it I'm not sure

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I find the timing of this kind of suspicious. Right when the forum has publicly been slandered as predatory by the NYT, suddenly there is a spike in sexual predation? By all means do everything possible to stamp instances of it out, but I would also be wary if new accounts start popping up with lurid tales.

The most worrying thing this made me think of is that with the flurry of new members, there could be new predators as well. If anyone has anything, old or new, please report that information to the moderators.

In direct answer, there's always been online predation as long as the internet exists. People might want to close SS down because it happens here, but it happens everywhere else too. That's not a solution at all. It should be in a good light that we absolutely refuse to permit any sort of predatory actions here.