Discussion Inappropriate sexual approaches on here

[liberty_222]

Um, I clearly stated in my message that anyone that feels they are being mistreated needs to speak up. Here is the quote from the post you just referenced. "Regardless, the key point of my message was trying to ensure those who felt someone was harassing them in any form, sexual or not, to inform the moderators and let them look into it."

Also read my post before that where I reinforce the need to find out how to make people comfortable in speaking up. Even mentioning a banner as a continued reminder every now and then. You guys are totally reading into what I am saying in a highly inaccurate way. EDIT: Which probably proves my point about perception.

Doesn't take away from the fact that you think you can decide what is harassment and what isn't...

 

[justsayin]

I don't remember any mention of sexual predation in the NYT report.

Then they are shit at journalism, which should surprise no one.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...-rape-attempted-murder-of-2-ss-members.64701/

 

[Someone123]

Possibly. I try to remember that anybody can seek to prey on anybody at all. Sadly no category of person is exempt from preying or being preyed on. Sexually or otherwise.

It may not even be preying on peopl, it may be just loneliness showing up, but people need to keep in mind that there are plenty of dating sites and there is only one site like this that I know of, so people should be careful to not mess this up by making people feel uncomfortable in this way. Of course admins will be quick to ban anyone who makes people feel uncomfortable in this way, which is as it should be.

 

[rationaltake]

Then they are shit at journalism, which should surprise no one.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...-rape-attempted-murder-of-2-ss-members.64701/

Thanks for reminding us of this.
@Bleak This happened in 2019.

 

[4eyebiped]

Doesn't take away from the fact that you think you can decide what is harassment and what isn't...

What I said is true. Some people do inaccurately view events around them and make claims that aren't true because there was an error in perception or a misunderstanding. Then you have cases that are more than obvious abuse is going on. Once again, I ended by saying to report to the mods and that the mods would be the ones to decide, not me. Never claimed I was the one making the judgement calls here just that every situation is unique and needed to be properly looked into. All I done was point out scenarios and highlighted the importance of viewing each case separately. I wouldn't simply ban someone because someone said they were bad, I would look into it and examine all data available to me and then act accordingly. Abuse and harassment can go both ways. I really do not see what the problem with what I said, just the misinterpretation of what I said.

 

[liberty_222]

What I said is true. Some people do inaccurately view events around them and make claims that aren't true because there was an error in perception or a misunderstanding. Then you have cases that are more than obvious abuse is going on. Once again, I ended by saying to report to the mods and that the mods would be the ones to decide, not me. Never claimed I was the one making the judgement calls here just that every situation is unique and needed to be properly looked into. All I done was point out scenarios and highlighted the importance of viewing each case separately. I wouldn't simply ban someone because someone said they were bad, I would look into it and examine all data available to me and then act accordingly. Abuse and harassment can go both ways. I really do not see what the problem with what I said, just the misinterpretation of what I said.

I am very sure i did not misinterpret you. If someone feels uncomfortable that is probably because the other person made them feel that way. There isn't any misunderstanding or error in perception there. But then obviously, that is how groomers talk anyway.

Then they are shit at journalism, which should surprise no one.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...-rape-attempted-murder-of-2-ss-members.64701/

Oh yes i read this article. It's horrifying...

 

[rationaltake]

What I said is true. Some people do inaccurately view events around them and make claims that aren't true because there was an error in perception or a misunderstanding. Then you have cases that are more than obvious abuse is going on. Once again, I ended by saying to report to the mods and that the mods would be the ones to decide, not me. Never claimed I was the one making the judgement calls here just that every situation is unique and needed to be properly looked into. All I done was point out scenarios and highlighted the importance of viewing each case separately. I wouldn't simply ban someone because someone said they were bad, I would look into it and examine all data available to me and then act accordingly. Abuse and harassment can go both ways. I really do not see what the problem with what I said, just the misinterpretation of what I said.

The main point is that people need to report harassment in any form. I'm sure we can leave the rest to the mods.

 

[liberty_222]

The main point is that people need to report harassment in any form. I'm sure we can leave the rest to the mods.

Exactly! I owe it to the mods who took it up with me and encouraged me to speak up even if it was just a gut feeling. They even guessed the person I was referring to and confirmed it wasn't just me who felt that way so I'm glad they reached out to me. I don't think i would have said anything about it otherwise.

 

[rationaltake]

I am very sure i did not misinterpret you. If someone feels uncomfortable that is probably because the other person made them feel that way. There isn't any misunderstanding or error in perception there. But then obviously, that is how groomers talk anyway.

Indeed. You are so right. That is how groomers talk.

Exactly! I owe it to the mods who took it up with me and encouraged me to speak up even if it was just a guy feeling. They even guessed the person I was referring to and confirmed it wasn't just me who felt that way so I'm glad they reached out to me. I don't think i would have said anything about it otherwise.

I've been very impressed by the way the mods have dealt with this. I would definitely refer any concerns to them.

 

[4eyebiped]

I am very sure i did not misinterpret you. If someone feels uncomfortable that is probably because the other person made them feel that way. There isn't any misunderstanding or error in perception there. But then obviously, that is how groomers talk anyway.

I am sure you did misinterpret me or we wouldn't be dragging out all these back and forth as if I am some bad guy here. Trust me, I know better than anyone here what my thoughts, beliefs and intents are.

Here in America, there are some people I can go up to and say Merry Christmas to them. My intent would be that of a positive one but they will be offended and I have now made them feel bad and uncomfortable. You see, not everything is black and white. That is why I have stressed over and over about contacting the mods and that each situation needs to be properly reviewed. I really do not get the resistance here. I know I suck at English but I am not sure how I can explain myself better.

I also hope you are not hinting that I am a groomer? If so, please report me, provide your evidence and get it over with.

The main point is that people need to report harassment in any form. I'm sure we can leave the rest to the mods.

Yes, I have stated and highlighted that about a dozen times now. I totally agree with you.

Exactly!

Exactly!

 

[Suicidebydeath]

In the conversation I had with Hass they also pinpointed it. They showed me a post that I hadn't seen before and I was able to verify certain suspicions they had about other posts. Nobody misintepreted anything.

It would make things easier for sure if people come forward, and if they can take the extra step with screenshots and so on. There are also some very dangerous predators but it for sure does not mean that someone, no matter how "well meaning", can get away with talking inappropriately, especially to younger members and so on.

Also there is no good explanation for grooming, ever. I don't know for sure what constitutes grooming behaviour but I do know that what was brought up as grooming is inappropriate.

 

[liberty_222]

I am sure you did misinterpret me or we wouldn't be dragging out all these back and forth as if I am some bad guy here. Trust me, I know better than anyone here what my thoughts, beliefs and intents are.

Here in America, there are some people I can go up to and say Merry Christmas to them. My intent would be that of a positive one but they will be offended and I have now made them feel bad and uncomfortable. You see, not everything is black and white. That is why I have stressed over and over about contacting the mods and that each situation needs to be properly reviewed. I really do not get the resistance here. I know I suck at English but I am not sure how I can explain myself better.

I also hope you are not hinting that I am a groomer? If so, please report me, provide your evidence and get it over with.

Yes, I have stated and highlighted that about a dozen times now. I totally agree with you.

Exactly!

No it's just that I've always been awry of old white men deciding for women what entails harassment and what doesn't. You literally did not need to insert yourself in this conversation and provide us with your expertise. You are very unlikely to be approached by predators or groomers so let the ones who are prone to getting such messages speak about what is troubling them without you speaking over them and deciding for them whether it's misinterpretation or not. Thanks.

 

[rationaltake]

I am sure you did misinterpret me or we wouldn't be dragging out all these back and forth as if I am some bad guy here. Trust me, I know better than anyone here what my thoughts, beliefs and intents are.

Here in America, there are some people I can go up to and say Merry Christmas to them. My intent would be that of a positive one but they will be offended and I have now made them feel bad and uncomfortable. You see, not everything is black and white. That is why I have stressed over and over about contacting the mods and that each situation needs to be properly reviewed. I really do not get the resistance here. I know I suck at English but I am not sure how I can explain myself better.

I also hope you are not hinting that I am a groomer? If so, please report me, provide your evidence and get it over with.

Yes, I have stated and highlighted that about a dozen times now. I totally agree with you.

Exactly!

It is not valid to question the fact that somebody has been made to feel uncomfortable.

The point is that groomers gaslight their victims by telling them they are imagining things.

 

[liberty_222]

I hope I'm not coming off as aggressive. My only point is, please do not decide for others whether or not they're imagining things. That is just it.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

It is not valid to question the fact that somebody has been made to feel uncomfortable.

The point is that groomers gaslight their victims by telling them they are imagining things.

Absolutely. It's also telling when someone is not able to take responsibility for their previous actions and inactions which make somebody uncomfortable. Attempting to explaining it away is just gaslighting and daresay grooming. There is a reason it's hard to report. The moderators are doing a great job!

Gaslighting doubles down on the abuse that people here are already suffering. It's absolutely inexcusable.

I don't think anybody is coming off as aggressive here, hopefully this is all useful to someone that might be being harassed now, can recognize the behaviours, with confidence in the moderators.

 

[TooConscious]

Cmon be honest, Guys live in la la land and believe/use the forum to/that they'll meet a pretty, kind suicidal chick who's going to swoop into their life and saves them. And they do nothing but have sex and the sheer power of their list saves the entire universe from chaos.

And not to let most you women off the hook puttigdick heads on pedastals.

We are flawed as humans what do you expect

 

[4eyebiped]

No it's just that I've always been awry of old white men deciding for women what entails harassment and what doesn't. You literally did not need to insert yourself in this conversation and provide us with your expertise. You are very unlikely to be approached by predators or groomers so let the ones who are prone to getting such messages speak about what is troubling them without you speaking over them and deciding for them whether it's misinterpretation or not. Thanks.

Wow, since I am older, since I am white, and since I am a man, my opinion means nothing. Racist, ageist, and sexist much? Fine, I will bow out as this thread has become beyond derailed. This is my last post in this thread. I concede. My posting on this thread was that of a positive nature to help those who weren't speaking up and was being wrong and instead I end up being harassed with horrible assumptions made against me and my intent. Read the original first post, even the mod liked it. At least the person in charge understood my point and intent.

It is not valid to question the fact that somebody has been made to feel uncomfortable.

The point is that groomers gaslight their victims by telling them they are imagining things.

I do not question whether someone was made to feel uncomfortable, I just want the people in charge, the mods, to properly determine if ill intent was involved in making them feel uncomfortable. My Christmas example I thought was a good example of someone feeling uncomfortable or harassed in a situation where ill intent wasn't intended. My goal is for fairness and not witch hunting. But, I am sure that prior sentence will be turned on me as well.

Anyways, best wishes to you all.

 

[Bleak]

I don't remember any mention of sexual predation in the NYT report.

No but there was plenty insinuation about "shadowy figures" trying to prey on the vulnerable and evade the law. It just seems like low hanging fruit that people who want to shut the site down might want to create narratives about sex too. Again I'm not saying that these things aren't happening or that they shouldn't be dealt with quickly and harshly, it's just I wonder about a sudden spike right after that article.

Thanks for reminding us of this.
@Bleak This happened in 2019.

Again, I am not denying that it happens. But OP seems to think there has been a sharp increase lately? But it could be because of more traffic as Suicidebydeath pointed out...

 

[Suicidebydeath]

.

Wow, since I am older, since I am white, and since I am a man, my opinion means nothing. Racist, ageist, and sexist much? Fine, I will bow out as this thread has become beyond derailed. This is my last post in this thread. I concede. My posting on this thread was that of a positive nature to help those who weren't speaking up and was being wrong and instead I end up being harassed with horrible assumptions made against me and my intent. Read the original first post, even the mod liked it. At least the person in charge understood my point and intent.

If you cannot understand why such a point of view might be aggravating and why young women might feel wary and uncomfortable around older men, especially when they already have to deal with negative experiences about them. Then you are part of the problem and not the solution as far as I'm concerned.

The problem of the Christmas argument is that it is not what happens here. I don't know which argument fallacy that is, someone can probably provide that for me. Regardless of whether people feel uncomfortable about being wished Merry Christmas or not, it's not the same as someone making people uncomfortable with inappropriate predatory/grooming talk. They are on completely different levels.

 

[liberty_222]

Man i just want to say, i might be young but as a woman of colour I have experienced and heard experiences of so many other women of harassment. I have seen feminist men posting "all men are trash" and then coaxing minors to sext, I've seen not so subtle misogyny, I've seen full fledged hatred against women, and I've seen what grooming and predatory behaviour is like.

White old men might sound racist and ageist but i would say the exact same to old UC Indian men who speak over other women. I'm trying to be as polite as possible to you, kindly do not try and twist my words. It's coming off as manipulation right now.

 

[rationaltake]

Gaslighting doubles down on the abuse that people here are already suffering. It's absolutely inexcusable.

That is so true.

I don't think anybody is coming off as aggressive here, hopefully this is all useful to someone that might be being harassed now, can recognize the behaviours, with confidence in the moderators.

Exactly!

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Men posing as feminists and then trying to take advantage of women absolutely happens. In my belief, it's impossible to be a feminist if you're also trying to take advantage of women, so they are faking it with a snake's deceiver tongue.

Groomers tend to act like they are not misogynsts. Both extremes can be dangerous.

 

[liberty_222]

Men posing as feminists and then trying to take advantage of women absolutely happens. In my belief, it's impossible to be a feminist if you're also trying to take advantage of women, so they are faking it with a snake's deceiver tongue.

Groomers tend to act like they are not misogynsts. Both extremes can be dangerous.

You remember that guy on twitter? He was also a self acclaimed politically correct feminist who painted his nails black and shit. Exactly why i said what i said. I'm uncomfortable since that thing with that guy.

 

[rationaltake]

Again, I am not denying that it happens. But OP seems to think there has been a sharp increase lately? But it could be because of more traffic as Suicidebydeath pointed out...

I just noticed a couple of posts and wondered how much of a problem it is.

 

[eryu]

I don't remember any mention of sexual predation in the NYT report.

They actually did mention the predator in Glasgow toward the end of the article.
It's right above the last segment headed "How Is This Site Still Allowed?"

 

[liberty_222]

I just noticed a couple of posts and wondered how much of a problem it is.

Was there someone other than me who mentioned it? Can you link their post?

 

[rationaltake]

They actually did mention the predator in Glasgow toward the end of the article.
It's right above the last segment headed "How Is This Site Still Allowed?"

Thanks. I missed that.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

No but there was plenty insinuation about "shadowy figures" trying to prey on the vulnerable and evade the law. It just seems like low hanging fruit that people who want to shut the site down might want to create narratives about sex too. Again I'm not saying that these things aren't happening or that they shouldn't be dealt with quickly and harshly, it's just I wonder about a sudden spike right after that article.


Again, I am not denying that it happens. But OP seems to think there has been a sharp increase lately? But it could be because of more traffic as Suicidebydeath pointed out...

Ah I hope we don't misunderstand each other unnecessarily. I think the abuse is very real and has been happening for a while now. The timing is just a coincidence I think and not directly related to NYT with e.g. fake news being posted. I don't think there has necessarily been a spike. It takes a strong, brave person to speak out, that's what I think happened a few times in a row. A lot of abuse goes completely unreported and we're all concerned about that.

 

[liberty_222]

They actually did mention the predator in Glasgow toward the end of the article.
It's right above the last segment headed "How Is This Site Still Allowed?"

I don't understand where nyt is trying to get. Predators are everywhere. I don't see them trying so hard when it comes to predators in places of worship or education or hospitals?

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Was there someone other than me who mentioned it? Can you link their post?

There definitely was, although I'm curious to see the posts @rationaltake were talking about as well, in case there are more.