Venting Impulsivity and suicide

[restingplace]

I've been paralysed by my depression, no matter the amount of good in my life, the changes I make, the people i meet, yes there have been improvements but my baseline is just feeling depressed and hopeless.

Planning for my suicide was honestly quite stressful and made me feel as if it was harder to hide, I've been thinking about impulsively doing it on a day where I feel bad enough so I could just get it over and done with. To be fair though I also don't like the idea of impulsivity.

my old habit of cutting myself has really been gnawing on my mind recently, I can't really focus on anything but that. Its a really awful feeling because I've forced myself to improve, not look towards suicide as an option. Trying just feels exhausting and like it doesn't constitute any good.

Ive not even reached an age in which I can say I've experienced all of what life has to offer, yet I don't feel the urge to reach it.

I think putting my thoughts and feelings on to here helps me, I don't want anyone to know about this yet I want my thoughts to be heard, sort of like an open diary.

Anyways. What would be best for my SI? I'm aware impulse suicides almost never work but whenever I do have that impulse feeling it's not overwhelming, it feels sort of tranquil and heavy, quite like how I have felt in real attempts.

 

[Kayla]

Take it from someone who did an impulsive SN attempt and almost lost my life: do not do it. Impulsive suicides never end well, and the amount of regret you could feel, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

 

[LastNite]

I agree with Kayla. The outcome is almost always terrible.