I’m waiting for the tide (goodbye yall)

[theboiwhostilllived]

I'm currently on 48h-regime and will drink SN at midnight tomorrow. I create this thread to say goodbye and thank you to SS community. I've visited SS in 2018 and at that time I didn't acknowledge SN method, I tried hanging but failed miserably. Now in 2020 I've gathered everything I need (after quite a long time) for SN method and booked a hotel room. Thank you SS community for helping me with the method and being my last resort in my final days.

If you ask me whether I have doubts I would say suicide is not something I want to do, but something I have to do. I'm used to think that I was blessed in life and have many privileges but now I just cannot find the will to live on. I lost everything due to depression, anxiety and BPD.

I will keep updating my experience with SN here as long as I can.

(Sorry for my English)

 

[aminend]

Have a peaceful journey. I wish u best.

 

[illbeinthegarage]

wish you peace <3

 

[InterstateFlowers]

Good luck, friend! I'm thankful the S.S community was able to provide support and information. Your english is perfectly fine too!

 

[restingspot]

Cheers dude.

 

[Abgrundanziehung]

I'm sorry that you're at this point, but we'll be here

 

[theboiwhostilllived]

Update: sorry, I canceled my booking due to panic attack. I'm scared of the situation

 

[Abgrundanziehung]

Update: sorry, I canceled my booking due to panic attack. I'm scared of the situation

No need to apologize. I can't even count the times I've backed out. Just take care of yourself

 

[restingspot]

Update: sorry, I canceled my booking due to panic attack. I'm scared of the situation

Yeah making a big decision like that is scary. You said it yourself that you don't want to die. You'll still find support here in case you want to talk it out with somebody, sometimes just a listening ear is good for the soul.

 

[SheJumped]

Don't apologize, you no one should ever feel obligated to catch the bus.
Glad to hear you're safe, you will know when it's right.

 

[Sensei]

Update: sorry, I canceled my booking due to panic attack. I'm scared of the situation

There's no hurry. If you feel that you must end your life, you can do it tomorrow or ten years from now. You have the means and you always have the option to end it on your own terms if the pain becomes unbearable.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

We are always here for you!

 

[Inferdan]

I love your art. There's always something to it that makes it peaceful, yet show how one feels inside. Idk if that's what you were going for, but I feel as though you put yourself into your artworks. I think that's what gave them their touch.
I hope you manage to go through with it, and that whatever lays on the other side will be everything you ever needed that life never gave you :)

Edit: Just saw the cancellation. Sorry for missing that...you've got time to ready yourself, don't try to rush it :)

 

[Deleted member 14573]

Update: sorry, I canceled my booking due to panic attack. I'm scared of the situation

Don't apologise, of course it's a very scary thing to go through. We'd much rather have you here with us if you're having doubts.

And please don't rush yourself at all. We are all here for you.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

It's completely fine that you cancelled. Remember there are no deadlines here other than the ones you set. We're here to support you regardless of what decisions you make.

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry that life has been horrible for you, and I wish you peace in your remaining time and transition to the unknown.

 

[Vasilii]

Update: sorry, I canceled my booking due to panic attack. I'm scared of the situation

There is no need to apologize and you don't have to rush it either. Only when it feels the right time.
We are all here for you!

 

[theboiwhostilllived]

Update: rebooked
Thank you everyone for being kind and caring to me, I don't know if I can make it but I will try as far as I can. I'm literally praying for success.
I'm nervous and cannot sleep now (it's 12h40 AM), I don't know what to wait for ahead.

 

[whywere]

We are here for you and have a peaceful journey.

 

[theboiwhostilllived]

I love your art. There's always something to it that makes it peaceful, yet show how one feels inside. Idk if that's what you were going for, but I feel as though you put yourself into your artworks. I think that's what gave them their touch.
I hope you manage to go through with it, and that whatever lays on the other side will be everything you ever needed that life never gave you :)

Edit: Just saw the cancellation. Sorry for missing that...you've got time to ready yourself, don't try to rush it :)

Thank you that you love my art, art has been an essential part of me

 

[Brackenshire]

Wishing you a calm heart and a peaceful journey friend if you decide to stay welcome home

 

[I screwed up]

@theboiwhostilllived u don't need to rush into anything .. Pl take ur time . we r all here for u and will support u in whatever u do.

 

[lostangel]

I wish you well.

 

[Serenity]

Whatever you choose, I hope that you find peace - there is absolutely no rush to CTB, take as much time as you need. The SS community is here for you

 

[Sinai Silence]

Good luck with whatever you decide to do, wishing you a peaceful journey. That song is lovely, very calming and sobering

 

[Lilium]

I wish you an easy journey, and i hope you can find peace in whatever you decide to do.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I wish you peace.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

Wishing you peace and comfort and sending love.

The decision is yours and nobody worth talking to or acknowledging would be upset with you for it. x

 

[theboiwhostilllived]

Just having hopefully my last meal (rice with seaweed and jelly). Start fasting. I don't know if I can go through it, feeling weird.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

Just having hopefully my last meal (rice with seaweed and jelly). Start fasting. I don't know if I can go through it, feeling weird.

Remember, you don't have to if you don't want to. If you're having doubts, it may mean that you're still not ready; that there's still more of life you want to experience. I've backed out twice. There's no shame in backing out. Do what's right for you. Sending you virtual hugs and positive vibes.