Help I’m torn about whether to get better or to ctb

[metasticmind]

I'm in so much pain. I'm so insanely lonely and there's definitely something deeply wrong with me. I hurt her today and I started to reflect deeply on my behaviour and why it keeps happening, and I figured out that it was mindfulness that I needed. IK mindfulness sounds like total BS and I'm doing my best to navigate between the helpful tips and the indulgent self-help stuff, but I just really want to improve for her. Part of it is taking my meds to calm down so that I can detach from my anxiety and overwhelming emotions, but I was also stockpiling those pills to ctb. I can't decide what I should do. I feel calm right now but I know those moments of desperately wanting to CTB will come back and if I take my meds, I won't be able to. Everything is so uncertain and I don't know what I should commit myself to.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

You need to figure out what's best for you. No one will/can tell you what you should do. Everyone here grapples with this same issue to some extent, but for a myriad of different reasons. Your circumstances are unique. Everyone needs to weigh the pros and cons of living and continuing on like things are, possibly seeking professional help and seeing if things may get better, or just cashing it in. It's all about where things stand in one's life and if there is any hope remaining for something better. Takes a lot of honest inner reflection. Hope you can do just that for yourself and make the best decision you can for yourself. That's all any of us can do. Good luck.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

It's not anyone's place to make a decision for you about whether to CTB. However, if I was on the fence about it, I would wait and make the decision later on, when I'm of sound mind and can make a fully informed decision.

 

[bearbrikk]

From my experience if you dont know you should not do it. Cbt is something you will know in the moment and you will not hesitate.