Venting im tired

[misakimaze]

every time i think i have something good it gets ripped away from me. all my friends, every single one ive made either treat me horribly/less than human or couldn't care less if i died or not. i feel like i wasn't made for the human experience. like im placed in the wrong reality. even my family, i genuinely don't believe im supposed to be here. sometimes i imagine myself going to fairs or doing normal people activities, but i haven't experienced a single one. ill try and beg and it never comes or happens. i always end up having to leave these relationships and im tired. maybe i should just stay and deal with being treated like shit to have an excuse to be on this planet. something or someone to live for but i dont. the only thing that makes me happy is what i make up in my head. dying seems like the only solution— theapry, meds, and hospitals are a privilege.

sorry if i sound like a whiny person thats just mad that i don't have friends or caring family. but ive been here for so long, and nothing i do works. life is so empty when no one who says they care in reality dont. i cant eat without it feeling like a parasite in the mouth and sleep is the only time i get peace.

 

[killorbekilled]

You aren't being whiny, you are going through something horrible and sharing it. I'm sorry that this so happening. Just don't regret CTB if you end up doing it.

 

[Cowboy_Kid]

I understand you completely. Human connections and relations are important, and yet.. well, they can cause a lot of pain. Both by being and not being in your life. This is why I find so much comfort in this forum, we understand eachother here. You're not being whiny, don't worry