Venting I'm thinking about going

[Helio_Helio]

Hi... This is my first post here, but I've been a lurker since ~5 years ago.
In short: I'm thinking of going today, but I still have doubts.

I used to be less afraid of committing since I was genuinely trapped inside a severely abusive place, and I couldn't commit just because I was monitored 24/7. But now that I've ran out of there, I've found myself to feel more uncertain about it.

I'm not afraid of ending up as a vegetable, since consider that as good as dead. There's no one I care that would be troubled if I do end up so, they can do whatever they want with my body.

I just feel bad about it, since I've known friends who've hammered in the idea that suicide is cringey, which I don't agree with, but I'm very prone and weak to shame. Shame is often something that actually stops me from doing anything, no matter what it is.

I'm 21 so far, and I know people would tell me that I'm still young and have time, but I've been dealt quite a bad hand in life and I'm simply tired.

Ending my life has been a thought in my mind for so long now, I don't even feel that sadness needs to be a reason to commit.

I guess I would appreciate some conversation, I don't mind any kind of questions.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I hope you find your peace.

 

[Helio_Helio]

I hope you find your peace.

Thank you, I hope so too, here or there. I'm honestly hanging just on the fence.

I hope you feel comfortable today! <3

 

[PenPen<3]

Hi... This is my first post here, but I've been a lurker since ~5 years ago.
In short: I'm thinking of going today, but I still have doubts.

I used to be less afraid of committing since I was genuinely trapped inside a severely abusive place, and I couldn't commit just because I was monitored 24/7. But now that I've ran out of there, I've found myself to feel more uncertain about it.

I'm not afraid of ending up as a vegetable, since consider that as good as dead. There's no one I care that would be troubled if I do end up so, they can do whatever they want with my body.

I just feel bad about it, since I've known friends who've hammered in the idea that suicide is cringey, which I don't agree with, but I'm very prone and weak to shame. Shame is often something that actually stops me from doing anything, no matter what it is.

I'm 21 so far, and I know people would tell me that I'm still young and have time, but I've been dealt quite a bad hand in life and I'm simply tired.

Ending my life has been a thought in my mind for so long now, I don't even feel that sadness needs to be a reason to commit.

I guess I would appreciate some conversation, I don't mind any kind of questions.

Hihi
I get what you mean about the shame, I always feel like everyone will think I made the wrong choice or something. I especially let shame stop me from doing things, like living as who I truly am no matter how much I want to.
I hope you can find some certainty in this choice im always open for conversation I like meeting new people

 

[Helio_Helio]

Hihi
I get what you mean about the shame, I always feel like everyone will think I made the wrong choice or something. I especially let shame stop me from doing things, like living as who I truly am no matter how much I want to.
I hope you can find some certainty in this choice im always open for conversation I like meeting new people

Yeah.. I agree. I did find more peace for myself though, I ended up just kind of kicking all the butts of people who shamed me instead of giving reasoned advice. haha

Thank you... I might just rant about dumb things. I honestly feel a little silly debating if I want to commit or not today. Please see what I talk about with some bit of comedy since I don't want you (or anyone else for that matter) to feel liable or stressed.

I've made it quite far and for a handful of years already from my abusive family, so it feels funny to me now that I just don't want to do it anymore because of my landlord pestering me.

I can't find a job and this economy sucks. Sure I've lived in this economy for my whole life and I've dealt with the same situation but god I am just done with this repetition and constant, constant stress with little worth of reward. Maybe if I die I'll get isekai'd or something, hahaha.