Venting i’m so unlovable

[bunnyloop]

i feel so broken no one will ever love me what's even the point of living. i keep proving to everyone how unlikable and unlovable i am. im too much for everyone i wish i could be normal. i wish i didn't have bpd. i don't want to believe that a person i know and like is triggering me on purpose and manipulating me even tho he knows my issues but why can't i get any sort of self respect and cut him off. why is everyone so okay with hurting me. im not even good enough to be used i'm so pathetic

 

[MyShadow]

From someone who also suffers from BPD, I understand how you feel It's like the world is always against us and all we want is to feel and be "normal".

Unfortunately, we are at a time in human history when people are just so unnecessarily unkind to each other yet simultaneously so insecure about themselves. It's a toxic environment that feeds on itself, but those same people choose to take out their frustrations and insecurities on others. Sadly, having BPD disorder amplifies our own insecurities and so we are the perfect target for these toxic creatures.

Be fair to yourself. You deserve better.

 

[verybabybunny]

I also have BPD.

So many people shit on it and blame the disease on bad behavior.

My BPD has never made me behave badly to anyone. It makes me cry, panic, and beg people not to leave. I didnt have a dad, so, mine comes from the extreme fear that everyone will just walk away the same way. Even when my mom used to drop me off to school, id have panic attacks that shed never come back (she always comes back.)

I dunno maybe youre different but im so tired of the narrative that we are a 'volatile people' harming ourselves and others....dude it characterizes 2 things about me, that im gonna be annoying begging you not to leave, and im gonna get emotional and cry...I never take these emotions out on others...im otherwise calm and introverted...I dont even like to ask for my basic necessities to be met i feel needy/awkward...

You arent lovable because you have BPD...you are both more loving, and more lovable...its what @MyShadow wrote, people are PAINFULLY unkind now...so now, when we cry or share our emotions. People are overwhelmed, dont have the time or space or fucks to give to care. People have no attention spans because of social media. Theyll just leave us and date someone they perceive as 'easier.'

Its not because you are hard to love, or too much...you are perfect. Its them. And I know that sounds stupid but its honestly so true.

Honestly someone should make a BPD support group where we all just date eachother, so we all understand the fear of abandonment, the tears, the heightened emotions. If my partner and I are both going WAIT PLS NEVER LEAVE ME and both answering back WTF U DONT LEAVE ME, I WONT! like what could actually go wrong (bad joke, coping. wanna be understood by a partner so badly.)

 

[MyShadow]

Living with this disorder is torturous. All I've ever wanted when I'm, struggling is for someone to say, "hey, it's gonna be OK. We'll get through this together." But it just never happens that way.

Right now, I am struggling and alone and writing on this forum because I don't want to feel alone.

I think what I am trying to say is that I understand how you feel.