Venting I'm so traumatized by life

[conveniently_dead]

My past doesn't even feel real and my life has no relief. Things just keep getting darker and more difficult and it just adds to the toll life has taken.

I'm really starting to feel age and exhaustion creep up fast and the results of all my choices.

The good memories I have make me cry a lot because I am so far from feeling anything like that. It all feels like it never happened.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

The good memories I have make me cry a lot because I am so far from feeling anything like that. It all feels like it never happened.

This is so relateable, I am mostly anhedonic and apathetic nowadays so I don´t feel anything so thinking back to a time where I felt so many feelings "feels" alien to me, it´s like those memories was from another life and from another world.

 

[Unhumanly.]

Yeah the brains sometimes really have an absurd way to mess with someone like that, by randomly flashback a distorted false memory, even false images and voices and then suddenly awareness and realization hit hard and it all suddenly silence and intensity, really really messing up, our mind is very absurd

 

[Whiston72]

I agree with everything written here. I have one daughter ,who I see every six weeks or so, who is 6. I try to make this part of her life so full of fun because I think that when you get to adulthood you see the horror of humanity. How many people are actually decent and kind? I agree memories only go so far to take away the pain of existence.

 

[m_h_d]

At some point life becomes a sisyphean stone of regrets. My good memories are few and because they contrast so strongly with the bad memories they cause even more pain.

I hear yo and share your suffering.

 

[deathslament]

Yeah the brains sometimes really have an absurd way to mess with someone like that, by randomly flashback a distorted false memory, even false images and voices and then suddenly awareness and realization hit hard and it all suddenly silence and intensity, really really messing up, our mind is very absurd

It's truly fucked up. This trauma is part of the reason I considered gun as a method. This brain needs to be blown to bits to rid the trauma away for good.