Venting Im so tired

[moodrings]

I woke up this morning with messages spanning from close friends to people i havent spoken to in years telling me that they love me.

im terrified.

im angry, and i dont think i have ever felt so much hate in my entire life, and despite my recent attempts to push forward and to make it through this life i can barely even fathom it anymore. im so, indescribably, tired.

i was courage for those who needed it last night and i keep telling those around me today that things will turn out for the better, that everything is going to be okay— but i cant bring myself to actually listen to my own words. hypocritical, is it not?

a friend of mine asked me this morning, "do you really care that much about the election? is it that important?" i wanted to scream aloud right then and there.

i want to live in a word where i do not have to fear the idea of being myself.
i want to live in a world where i can be happy without anyone telling me its wrong.
i just want to be okay.

and yet that is something so criminal to people, the idea of another individual feeling just "okay."

i dont know how to tell those around me that i dont need to be loved i need to be safe, i need to feel some sort of security even if its fake