Qua
there's no turning back now
- Apr 30, 2023
- 42
I've been off this site for a while, i thought I was genuinely getting better and now everything is worse and worse. Every single thing hits me so hard right now, everyday I feel like crying, I feel angry, dissapointed, suicidal, annoyed, sad, frustrated and just so so tired. I want to scream at the top of my lungs to let out everything I've always been keeping inside. I want to die but know I can't. I want to run away. I want to break my phone and cut off everyone and everything. I want to relapse into sh. Most importantly I just want someone that I know and care about to look at me and feel bad for me. I want to be someone's favorite person, I want to feel loved and be able to vent to them everytime I need. I want someone to look at me and understand me, to want to help me and be there for me. I want the attention, I want to be the center of their attention. Yes, I do have someone specific in my mind but I feel too shitty, too worthless and too selfish to text them and tell them how I feel even tho I know they would listen. I don't know what to do anymore. I came down to taking new pills and waiting for them to drug me so I can't feel anything (prescribed by psychiatrist, I'm not abusing any substances). I don't know what to do anymore as all I can think about it death all over again. I guess the circle never stops?
