Venting Im so selfish for leaving those who care about me.

[lovelulu]

The one thing thats stopping me from my ctb is the people that care about and love me. It fucking sucks being suicidal when you do actually have people who care for you. This act of suicide will be tremendously selfish of me—but its truly the only way out. I can't imagine a life without being suicidal. No matter how happy I am, everything leads back to my death. Today one of my friends were telling me how much they loved me, and now I feel terrible knowing I'll leave her soon. I didn't want it to end up like this, but eventually this year thats how it'll have to be. Im so sorry. This is so selfish. Especially my parents. Im so sorry. I need to pay them back for everything they've done for me. They don't deserve a shitty daughter like me.

 

[gardenhouse]

The one thing thats stopping me from my ctb is the people that care about and love me. It fucking sucks being suicidal when you do actually have people who care for you. This act of suicide will be tremendously selfish of me—but its truly the only way out. I can't imagine a life without being suicidal. No matter how happy I am, everything leads back to my death. Today one of my friends were telling me how much they loved me, and now I feel terrible knowing I'll leave her soon. I didn't want it to end up like this, but eventually this year thats how it'll have to be. Im so sorry. This is so selfish. Especially my parents. Im so sorry. I need to pay them back for everything they've done for me. They don't deserve a shitty daughter like me.

Why are feeling suicidal?

 

[BecomingDiamond]

I understand tenfold how you feel, That's literally the reason why I haven't successfully ctb yet, I've seen how suicide affects others, and despite me wishing and praying for it every single day, I can't bring myself to do it, because I know they wouldn't (my family) function right without me.

It really sucks, I don't know what's more selfish, being forced to stay here or leaving without truly saying goodbye.

 

[owarikigan]

i feel the same, no matter how lonely and mostly disliked i am the few people that stay and do their best to tolerate someone so sick wouldn't deserve that pain