breathingblues
Dream alive...
- Aug 14, 2025
- 44
So after everything, several months off from SASU, and doing inhumane amounts of work to live, my family has decided to kill me.
Some very powerful people have noticed that I'm too smart for comfort, looking at the past at how amazingly well, in far above than average did i maintain myself as I was dying...
I'll say that very overpowering forces are doing their best to kill me... People around me basically see nothing in me when I ask for help, not getting hired, indirectly, my family has forced brain disease on me - if I live, all the work I've done in my life will go to waste...
That said, I am still a tank, somehow I've gotten physically stronger, but I'm abandoned (still) by society, no matter what I do... At times doctors don't help, therapists deny me help (most of them have simply negated any advice), of course hope remains but what's the point.
I'm still sharp, skilled, creative, but I'm the only person you'll find on whom the forces of authority are shoving down brain damage to, and I mean biologically, not the first time I've mentioned how much I want to live a happy life ahead with a family, and how they either want me disabled or dead... It sounds like a schizothread but even I didn't know last year would bring this to my life... People like me are also the easiest to exploit, we hate laziness. My mind blocks its own self whenever I think or even come close to anything productive, doctors outright deny anything, therapist just listen to my suffering, relatives act like I don't exist, I don't fully understand it, and to be honest neither do they. All of this is forced...
If you can read between the lines this is a tale of horrid cruelty by surprise... Of course the family will erase evidence against them, but the problem for them and everyone involved is that I always wanted to comply and conform to their demands and needs, and have done so to a great degree... In short I've done literally everything to the T, and right.
Because of isolation, societal abandonment, and tons of daily repeating trauma, my life feels like a waste... And I don't think much sense other than that I could be very successful can be made out of this. In my condition anyone else would develop dementia proper, and my mind and body (+ my own strategies to battle these things) have held up good, but I'm really young too so that is a variation. This was always happening, and has gotten to the worst last year.
The world never rewards the people who deserve it, every building ever made was made by archetypical flies and flees, we don't know or care who worked 16 hours a day building your office and your roads, yet they did all the work... Exploitation is rewarded and the world has always been that way. I've become robotic in communication so this message seems more like a statement than a scream for attention and help, even though I'm in agony... And you can see I was denied help everywhere I went, to a hundred people and then a hundred more... Still i dream maybe something will change, and I'll move ahead and live a human life, will it happen? No. The people overseeing me are the cruellest animals on Earth.
I don't have money beyond a bare minimum of savings', people keep betraying me, I don't know what the future is for me... I feel like I'll be a nobody in life.
One of those a life-worse-than-death scenarios... A normal life is heavenly to me... I've learnt one thing clearly, cruelty is the life force of this world.
*anything close to productive intellectually
*anything close to productive intellectually
Some very powerful people have noticed that I'm too smart for comfort, looking at the past at how amazingly well, in far above than average did i maintain myself as I was dying...
I'll say that very overpowering forces are doing their best to kill me... People around me basically see nothing in me when I ask for help, not getting hired, indirectly, my family has forced brain disease on me - if I live, all the work I've done in my life will go to waste...
That said, I am still a tank, somehow I've gotten physically stronger, but I'm abandoned (still) by society, no matter what I do... At times doctors don't help, therapists deny me help (most of them have simply negated any advice), of course hope remains but what's the point.
I'm still sharp, skilled, creative, but I'm the only person you'll find on whom the forces of authority are shoving down brain damage to, and I mean biologically, not the first time I've mentioned how much I want to live a happy life ahead with a family, and how they either want me disabled or dead... It sounds like a schizothread but even I didn't know last year would bring this to my life... People like me are also the easiest to exploit, we hate laziness. My mind blocks its own self whenever I think or even come close to anything productive, doctors outright deny anything, therapist just listen to my suffering, relatives act like I don't exist, I don't fully understand it, and to be honest neither do they. All of this is forced...
If you can read between the lines this is a tale of horrid cruelty by surprise... Of course the family will erase evidence against them, but the problem for them and everyone involved is that I always wanted to comply and conform to their demands and needs, and have done so to a great degree... In short I've done literally everything to the T, and right.
Because of isolation, societal abandonment, and tons of daily repeating trauma, my life feels like a waste... And I don't think much sense other than that I could be very successful can be made out of this. In my condition anyone else would develop dementia proper, and my mind and body (+ my own strategies to battle these things) have held up good, but I'm really young too so that is a variation. This was always happening, and has gotten to the worst last year.
The world never rewards the people who deserve it, every building ever made was made by archetypical flies and flees, we don't know or care who worked 16 hours a day building your office and your roads, yet they did all the work... Exploitation is rewarded and the world has always been that way. I've become robotic in communication so this message seems more like a statement than a scream for attention and help, even though I'm in agony... And you can see I was denied help everywhere I went, to a hundred people and then a hundred more... Still i dream maybe something will change, and I'll move ahead and live a human life, will it happen? No. The people overseeing me are the cruellest animals on Earth.
I don't have money beyond a bare minimum of savings', people keep betraying me, I don't know what the future is for me... I feel like I'll be a nobody in life.
One of those a life-worse-than-death scenarios... A normal life is heavenly to me... I've learnt one thing clearly, cruelty is the life force of this world.
*anything close to productive intellectually
*anything close to productive intellectually
