I just can't stop sleeping: every time I wake up, the reality that I'm alive in this waking nightmare turns my stomach. I turn over exhausted, and go back to sleep again, because being awake just makes me feel so dreadful. In the times when I awake to make a coffee, or go for a pee, I am almost on the verge of terror, because I have never wanted to die so much as I have done so for these past 5 days. And everything to do with this human existence is crushing me, the weight of it all has become truly unbearable. I am financially poor, yet even if I won the lottery, I would still want to die, because absolutely nothing in this world interests me anymore. This world is one of never ending suffering, and none of it makes any sense. I am like a rat in a maze, or a hamster in a wheel. Going round and round but never getting anywhere, constantly trying to find my way out, but always finding myself at a dead end. I have never felt so horrified at this prison existence as I do right now. I am also questioning my sanity, because sometimes I am not sure whether my existence is real, or whether I am in some kind of waking nightmare. I am sure I will CTB sometime in the very near future if this state of mind persists.
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jodes2
Hello people ❤️
- Aug 28, 2022
- 7,736
Sorry you're suffering so terribly 
if you get help and give it time things can improve, you need a flash of inspiration to find something you really enjoy again. It's possible. I hope you give it a try, but I understand if you don't, sometimes the thought of trying is too hard to bare. My thoughts are with you please give life a chance to heal it's taken me 15 years but I think I'm finally getting somewhere
if you get help and give it time things can improve, you need a flash of inspiration to find something you really enjoy again. It's possible. I hope you give it a try, but I understand if you don't, sometimes the thought of trying is too hard to bare. My thoughts are with you please give life a chance to heal it's taken me 15 years but I think I'm finally getting somewhereThanks anyway, but I don't want any help, or to get better anymore. I only want death, and I have never wanted it as badly as I do right now. In many ways I am already dead, crushing anhedonia does that to a person.Sorry you're suffering so terribly
jodes2
Hello people ❤️
- Aug 28, 2022
- 7,736
I had bad anhedonia and I ordered SN. But now as I see it I'll just use it in 30 years or so when old age catches up with me. I'm sticking around not just so I don't hurt my gf but because life did get better. I wish I could inspire you to hang on in there, but I understand if you don't, I'm sorry
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 43,336
Your feelings of wishing to be gone from this world are understandable. It really can be so horrific feeling trapped in a situation that is just endless suffering. Nothing could make me want to stay here as well, to die is all that I've ever wanted. When the problem is life itself only death could be the solution at least for me.
I find it quite comforting the thought of being permanently gone from this world. I could never believe in an afterlife or anything like that, I believe death to be the ultimate freedom with not even the awareness that we are dead. I hope that you find what you wish for.
I find it quite comforting the thought of being permanently gone from this world. I could never believe in an afterlife or anything like that, I believe death to be the ultimate freedom with not even the awareness that we are dead. I hope that you find what you wish for.
Yes, life itself is the problem. I have never felt as though I am a part of this world. I don't mean that in a spiritual sense, because I think that all life is purely biological. Does anyone remember what life was like before they incarnated into a human body ? No of course they don't, because we humans never had a so-called spirit in the first place. Also, the idea of a god is utterly ridiculous for a multitude of reasons. We are a cosmic fluke of evolution, and consciousness is not spiritual: consciousness is just a series of biochemical, electrical impulses in our brains. When the body dies, the consciousness does too. These people who have supposedly died and come back with tales of the afterlife never actually died. Their brains just released a lot of certain types of chemicals that produce fantastic visions and euphoria etc. You are not actually dead until all brain activity etc has fully ended. So all talk of people " dying " and coming back to life is completely false.
theboy
Illuminated
- Jul 15, 2022
- 3,199
Sentience and emotions can manifest in some extremely horrific ways. I'm really sorry for what you're experiencing.
