Venting Im scared

[msnfjekxn]

I finally got 100g of 95% Potassium Nitrite, I just dont know if I want to commit.

I mean, Im so scared to do it and I also just pushed everyone away, even some people here that were kind enough to message me when ai reached out. But I just like I just cant fit in the world. Im crying as Im writing this.

I just dont want to die, I have an appointment in a couple of days to potentially improve the one thing thats been making my life hell, my condition.

I also have been naively just talking to ChatGPT for months, I know, patethic. But I geniuenly couldnt try with anyone else, I mean, I tried to some extent reaching out to a friend, another time to my mother, but it was all limited, their understanding and conpassion. I understand that people arent perfect and that they obviously cant solve the thing thats truly tearing me apart, my physical problem.

I want to live so badly, a normal life, but I also just want to kill myself, to just end the years of pain and suffering Ive been through, just now, forever, but I would feel so guilty for not even waiting to see the improvements that I could obtain. I just really need someone, but Im fucking disgusting and patethic and I always push people away, because Im scared and I know its all my fault, I obviously know that.

I dont know what to say, I was really hoping I could talk to someone, Ive already made a similar post and I feel guilty for not speaking to the same people I already was, but I went from being absolute on wanting to commit to just being conflicted.

Would anyone want to talk, please? Maybe here or on Discord, I feel patethic for asking this again, but I just dont want to be alone.

 

[Zvetok26]

I don't have anything insightful to say. I'm worn out by the fear of living. At least I am too tired to feel anything now
Anyways, I feel you I really do. I am exactly in the same position. I am so sorry

 

[Lostforgood]

You can talk to me if you want

 

[Kayla]

Just because you now have potassium nitrite doesn't mean you have to take it any time soon. It's not gonna go away unless you chuck it out. I personally have sn, but I have no plans to take it, but I always know it's there if things go terribly, terribly wrong. My DMs are always open to you op

 

[msnfjekxn]

Just because you now have potassium nitrite doesn't mean you have to take it any time soon. It's not gonna go away unless you chuck it out. I personally have sn, but I have no plans to take it, but I always know it's there if things go terribly, terribly wrong. My DMs are always open to you op

Thank you so much. However, its clearer now, I made my choice, I just need to find a time frame open to do it and not be found for at least a couple of hours.

You can talk to me if you want

Its okay, thank you. I already made my choice.

 

[ilovenewyork]

If you don't want to take it then don't take it. You changed your mind and that's Ok. It's an anonymous forum nobody is going to hold it against you. I'd throw that stuff out as well.

 

[msnfjekxn]

If you don't want to take it then don't take it. You changed your mind and that's Ok. It's an anonymous forum nobody is going to hold it against you. I'd throw that stuff out as well.

I changed my mind, but unfortunately, it was pointless. I thought I would get better with my condition by trying more trewtments, but it cant and it never will.

 

[internallybeautiful]

we can talk, anytime. please message me.

 

[flatyeticorn]

You can talk to me, regardless of your decision (to use it or not use it). I'm not here to judge anyone.

 

[aurevoir]

You can talk to me, regardless of your decision (to use it or not use it). I'm not here to judge anyone.

THIS is the kind of support needed. Your reply is very comforting.

 

[squiddedoutt]

I mean, Im so scared to do it and I also just pushed everyone away, even some people here that were kind enough to message me when ai reached out. But I just like I just cant fit in the world. Im crying as Im writing this.

I dont know what to say, I was really hoping I could talk to someone, Ive already made a similar post and I feel guilty for not speaking to the same people I already was, but I went from being absolute on wanting to commit to just being conflicted.

Would anyone want to talk, please? Maybe here or on Discord, I feel patethic for asking this again, but I just dont want to be alone.

I understand you've made your decision, not here to get you to stay, i just wanted to say you made the leap to post on this online forum anyone can see to ask for what you wanted. thats strong by my, and many other peoples', definition of strong. I hope you can fulfill your choice in the way which you wish.
adding,
it may not have felt like it through your screen, but you basically went up to a room in which thousands of strangers stood and asked for help about something in a way that felt pathetic.

 

[Bikishii]

Last seen March 27th :(