I'm Scared.

[GetReadyy]

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/my-downfall-story.175550/

I don't want to die, but I was raped right after my family's death and I still haven't gotten over the psychology it caused me, it's been almost a year.

I'm lonely. My friends distanced themselves from me after what I experienced. My relatives didn't see me again after my family's funeral because they thought I was crazy. I wanted to go up to the terrace a few times and jump, but I was very scared. A few weeks ago, I hung myself with a rope, but the knot came loose. In the few seconds I was on the rope, I wanted to give up and tried to get rid of the rope I had put around my neck. I don't know what to do, I'm very scared... I'm standing here trying to find courage. I cry every night

People can get over what they have experienced after a few months. Why can't I? I want everything to end, I can't look at myself in the mirror. I'm so afraid of dying. I refuse to eat. I have no money left. I used to buy cotton candy with my mommy and go to the amusement park to celebrate my birthday. I recently turned 19 This year I had no one with me on my birthday, so I bought myself a small cake and blew out the candles while crying

I wish there was someone to kill me instead of me.
I wish my family hadn't died

 

[Pale_Rider]

I have complete empathy for your pain. It doesn't go away In a few months. I'll just tell you the truth; it does get better as you live with it, and especially talk about it with somebody, but it does linger. I'm sending positive vibes to you.

 

[Blueberry Panic]

Losing someone so close to you and then being taken advantage of in the most horrible way ... can really mentally fuck you up hun. I lost a boyfriend and was raped shortly after and the only thing that numbed my pain was substance abuse(which I do not recommend). The best thing to do in your situation is to find like minded people who understand your struggles and to seek professional help . You are not alone even if it feels like you are , you aren't.

 

[getoutgirl]

That's brutal and terrible to read. I can relate to that fear and desire to die, but I can't even begin to imagine how that must feel to be traumatized like that, the loss and at such a young age and then people turning their backs on you... You must be going through hell and you don't deserve any of that I'm so sorry. The aftermath sounds horrible too and I don't think you owe anyone to "get over it" in just a few months, nor that if you haven't that's your fault or wrong or not normal. It's a Lot what you have gone through, much more than a lot of people have and in such a short time...
I'm at a loss for words I'm sorry it really struck me. Again I'm really sorry, we are here for you in any capabilty that could make it feel a lil better for you, please vent whenever you feel like, please try and remember none of that is your fault, and I'm sure there are other people out there who have sadly gone through similar situations, you can find them and that can help. All my virtual hugs and love to you <333333333

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I have no words. You are a hero.