Venting I'm scared

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm full of fear right now. I'm scared for my future as it will go in one of two ways. Firstly, I'd be unable to go through life's demands (like university and work) which would subsequently cause me to get disowned and treated like shit. Secondly, I'd be able to conform to life but, due to the cycle of wage slavery being so exhausting, I'd have no energy left to do anything and thus forever be forced to be a wage slave until I reach natural death. Both scenarios scare the hell out of me and I don't want any scenario to be true. To avoid both scenarios from occurring, I'd have to kill myself but, as expected of the theme of my post here, I'm scared to. I can't access any peaceful methods so instead I'm forced to resort to horrific and brutal suicide methods such as drowning. I'm extremely sensitive to pain hence I'm extremely scared of dying due to all the pain that I would have to go through. My final moments won't be in peace, instead it'll be in painful agony and terror due to SI making me irrationally fight for life despite me not wanting it.

I really feel like I'm in checkmate and that there's nothing that I can do. I feel like I'd be forced to deal with being scared for the rest of my life and acknowledging this fact causes me to be even more scared. All of this could have been prevented if society was kind enough to occur me euthanasia but, no, humans are the worst species in this accursed planet so of course they'd never offer euthanasia to a person full of pain like me

 

[ladylazarus4]

I'm sorry. That sounds really hard. Feeling trapped is one of the worst feelings to me and I can definitely relate to it. You sound like you're in a lot of pain and I wish that there was some way to alleviate it.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm sorry. That sounds really hard. Feeling trapped is one of the worst feelings to me and I can definitely relate to it. You sound like you're in a lot of pain and I wish that there was some way to alleviate it.

It really is hard and sometimes I feel like I've completely succumbed to insanity. Unfortunately, excluding sleep (which I don't even get much of nowadays due to my parents waking me up extremely early for religious reasons), there isn't anything that alleviates my pain. Nothing really works for me. Music, games, TV shows etc etc doesn't work for me. The pain is constant and will always remain with me until I'm dead. Only death can permanently free me from my suffering and torment

 

[Davey40210]

Yes society has their subjects by their throats. You either work and be in this toxic work culture or you don't have money and live on the streets.

I feel like it will only get worse as control intensifies. Its just another reason for me to get out before complete control is a reality.

 

[Kay.Lana]

Can I ask how old are you and if you tried meds or therapy? For some people (like me) it doesn't do much unfortunately, but sometimes it's a gamechanger. Also, I understand how you feel. I also can say I'm not scared of death, but I'm scared of dying...

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Can I ask how old are you and if you tried meds or therapy? For some people (like me) it doesn't do much unfortunately, but sometimes it's a gamechanger. Also, I understand how you feel. I also can say I'm not scared of death, but I'm scared of dying...

I'm 19. I haven't tried meds and I'm currently in therapy for social anxiety (only because my mum forced me take therapy). For me, I know that meds and therapy won't do anything for me as my issues are intrinsic to life itself and no amount of meds or therapy would change that. Life will always contain suffering and life will always contain challenges and obstacles that are extremely difficult for me to beat. I also don't want to go through life