I'm scared to sleep

[Hollowillow]

Actually I'm scared to wake up, from dreams of a normal life, with no pain, friends. When I wake and my body feels... I want to scream! From psychological violence too... Trauma flooding back...

I want out...

I need to be comforted... I'm scared...

 

[Suicidebydeath]

*hugs* I'm sorry to hear that.

 

[Hollowillow]

*hugs* I'm sorry to hear that.

Thank you *hugs you back* sorry I'm scared to reply my emails. It's hard to dare after losing someone, but I value your friendship. Thank you for wishing me a good night.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Thank you *hugs you back* sorry I'm scared to reply my emails. It's hard to dare after losing someone, but I value your friendship. Thank you for wishing me a good night.

You're doing everything right. It's really rough to lose someone or gain and lose hope.

 

[Hollowillow]

Thank you... *Hugs and clings sobbing* someone I know... A friend... Is about to die... I can't ask him to stay because I have nothing to offer to improve his life enough to be bearable... But it makes me so sad that good people die while the bad ones multiply...

*Snuggles you* I wish I had the courage to go to... I have so many things that I want to do... But I'm too sick... And persecuted... I wish it was just in my head... But the cops telling me that I deserved to be beaten... No one deserve to...

*Sobbing* I hope he'll die as he wishes... Please stay a little longer with me...

How can I cope with grief... When I even need to grieve myself...?

How are you. I'm sorry... Pain makes me so self absorbed & selfish. Maybe you suffer more... Oh god you do... Do you wish to talk about it? How do you stay so brave?

 

[Suicidebydeath]

*hugs* I'm sorry. Nobody deserves that, no. A lot of people go through worse than me or my current life. I think there's a lot of different kinds of bravery:)

I've always had a lot of perseverance but trauma makes everything harder, it's understandable when people feel like everything is going against them.

 

[Hollowillow]

Thank you for comforting me. Do you have friends offline? They don't really call me... How do you cope? If I didn't have physical pain messing my brain.... I'd be so different... Every cell hurts in & out. Burns... Tremble like electrocution... Poison... Can't escape... No one believe or want to help... Called insane... Mocked... Threatened...

Sometimes I wonder if I'd be better homeless. Hungry, cold... But free... No forms to fill... I wouldn't last a night..
I wish I was an animal.

I wish I could fly to you...

 

[FuneralCry]

Waking up really can be awful. It would be ideal to have the option of never waking again without even having to plan ctb. Existence can be extremely cruel and painful which is why the thought of non existence appeals to me so much. Those who are gone have no more fears and they are free from everything, I really envy them.