Venting I'm not suicidal but I can't wait to die.

[ChildrensITV]

I am irreparably broken. I will probably always want to die or at least see it as something I welcome whenever it comes. The sooner, the better. The bare minimum I want is a fucking meaningful job and I get knockback after knockback. I am volunteering to make myself look more employable. I'm working for free, and living in anguish. Every day is shitty. I lack motivation cuz whenever I try, nothing good happens.

I'm just STUCK here. I hate feeling suicidal but at least when I do, there is a plan and a potential end to how I feel. But when I am just depressed, existence just limps along under a grey cloud.

There are many here who are suicidal. How about those of you who are not, but are just massively depressed? How are you coping? What do you do to cope? Are you still trying at life when you can? All I can do is listen to music, distract myself with videos of people whose life is worse than mine (people caught doing crime on camera), drink alcohol and look at the sky.

I think the only thing I can really do to "rebel" against this life is to starve myself until something good happens or until I'm too weak to continue. There isn't really much else I can do to protest against this life. I can't even be a wageslave, which would at least grant me some independence and freedom.

The best part of my life is when I'm asleep.

 

[Neuromancer]

Might not sound hopeful - but I was in a similar situation that you was.. couldn't find a decent job, only shitty ones that I couldn't endure two months.

Then after FIVE YEARS, finally finished my college degree! Got a decent and respectful job and salary as a accountant!

And it is still meaningless.

So what now? Study even more? Work harder? Or just working to pay bills? Do longer shifts? Suck bosses balls?

I cope myself with pretty much same thing as you. Listening lot of Crystal Castles music, watching people doing shit caught by camera and lot of tons of weed.

I just feel same as you, hopeless, empty, waiting to die.. and it is not a decent title and job that will change it .......

 

[ChildrensITV]

Might not sound hopeful - but I was in a similar situation that you was.. couldn't find a decent job, only shitty ones that I couldn't endure two months.

Then after FIVE YEARS, finally finished my college degree! Got a decent and respectful job and salary as a accountant!

And it is still meaningless.

So what now? Study even more? Work harder? Or just working to pay bills? Do longer shifts? Suck bosses balls?

I cope myself with pretty much same thing as you. Listening lot of Crystal Castles music, watching people doing shit caught by camera and lot of tons of weed.

I just feel same as you, hopeless, empty, waiting to die.. and it is not a decent title and job that will change it .......

You're in a better position than me. I have a degree but it's worthless now cuz what I need now is recent experience. Being a wageslave, going to work to spend a few hours in a place that you pay for, all to no avail - sucks - and yet, I can't even achieve that. At least I would have some freedom.

I hate life but still hope for better. I haven't stopped trying to achieve better, even though it seems like my life wasn't meant to be a good one.

The only relief is that one day, I will be dead.