Venting I'm losing my shit and I'm overbeared with nostalgia. Please help, bc idk what to do.

[Boudika]

My mental state continues to deteriorate. In addition to feeling like the biggest loser in the world, like I've wasted my life, I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to insanity. I'm getting crazy because of nostalgia, actually my mind is only focused on memories and on made up stories. I spend all day as if daydreaming, and the feeling of nostalgia and longing is killing me. It literally feels like I would give up everything to return to my childhood, to be happy again at least for a moment more. I can't express my emotions, even though I'm filled with them, I feel a burning desire to do anything just to stop suffering. The only thing I want is ctb. And I don't know what to do. A psychiatrist is out of question, because I don't have the money, and my parents won't take it seriously. I keep waiting for the opportunity to do it, but I'm too much of a coward to finally kill myself. Tell me what to do, how to make it all go away. Please.

 

[Dot]

No1 cn tll u wht 2 d/ bt slf cn lnk sme free or lw-cst spport servcs if tht wld b n.e hlp

 

[CantDoIt]

I totally get you, although I can't tell you how to make it go away.

I was a fairly happy and carefree kid...other than the depression and anxiety that hit me at 15. But it got way worse since then and I just want to throw up when I think of my life after the age of about 18 or 19.

I made a ton of stupid decisions and am completely done. I really do not want to continue. I feel like the "real" me was back then and everything else is fake, unreal, etc.