Venting I’m losing my mind

[willitpass]

I'm going fucking crazy. I can't do this much longer. There's nothing left to help me, nowhere left to turn. I'm losing myself. I'm losing my mind. I can't think straight. And I can't do anything to help it anymore. Exhausting all options at such a young age was gut wrenching enough and to have lived years past when I failed the last option is horrible. This is all so fucking horrible. I wish people spent less time trying to prevent suicide forums and more time trying to find new ways to help people that actually work. Why have I always been so fucking broken? Did I form from a faulty egg? Was it when I got dropped as a baby? Was it my parents divorce? The childhood abuse? Where did it all go so horribly wrong for me? Why did my entire childhood and life have to be ripped from me all for nothing? I don't want to live another day like this. Please don't let me live another day.
I'm sobbing in my bathroom, on the toilet from the overdose of laxatives I took this morning. Punching myself over and over again because I'm fucking angry at who I am. My stomach hurts because I overdose daily on Tylenol and recently added ibuprofen and aspirin into the mix. I feel so god damned useless. I'm a waste of a person. Here I am wallowing in self pity when people would kill to have the life I have. Here I am breaking down in embarrassing conditions when I should have been dead over a decade ago. I can't do this. I can't do this.