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Nine
- Dec 8, 2023
- 199
(I used the nsfw tag because I depicted graphic descriptions of self harm)
it feels like no matter what happens there will always be some issue worth screaming for at home. I'm so sick of having to share space with these people with little to no boundaries yet I love them the most because they're my family. (like genuine family not just blood related) but they're also the most inconsiderate ever when it comes to confrontations, we have a guest at home right now and even then that's not enough to shut them up, it's argument after argument. I've decided to not even bring up the topic because I don't see a positive outcome of me getting involved but their arguments cause me so much stress it's not even funny. I feel like I'm actively reliving ptsd because of them, I'm sure they're always having regressions too which is why they clash so much but they never stop to think about the colateral damage their lack of self control causes, because I have to live this alone and have no one to let it out on. they know I used to sh, (literally only a few months ago) and since I've come out as transgender to them I stopped, but just a few weeks ago began again because I can't stand the pain and stress of many difficult situations I've been facing personally, and to make it worse I find no comfort or safety in these two because of how unpredictable and explosive they are. For worse, I've been sharing a room with my mom, due to the guest staying with my sister. I hate, absolutely despise sleeping in the same bed as somebody else due to childhood trauma, indiscriminately even if the other person had nothing to do with it. I feel like I'm losing my mind because sharing a room with my sister was already uncomfortable enough, but now I don't even have my own bed or half the privacy I used to. I want to cut myself soooo bad right now and I tried to but it seems my fear to the blade has returned so I can't apply enough pressure. I don't know if that's my common sense speaking but it drives me mad, still my face remains frozen in place. I can't bear this anxiousness —…..
just got spoken to and apologized to. what to do? I feel numb. can't take their apology but feel bad bc they seem proud on their advances in communication. I think im over this even if they seem to do better.
it feels like no matter what happens there will always be some issue worth screaming for at home. I'm so sick of having to share space with these people with little to no boundaries yet I love them the most because they're my family. (like genuine family not just blood related) but they're also the most inconsiderate ever when it comes to confrontations, we have a guest at home right now and even then that's not enough to shut them up, it's argument after argument. I've decided to not even bring up the topic because I don't see a positive outcome of me getting involved but their arguments cause me so much stress it's not even funny. I feel like I'm actively reliving ptsd because of them, I'm sure they're always having regressions too which is why they clash so much but they never stop to think about the colateral damage their lack of self control causes, because I have to live this alone and have no one to let it out on. they know I used to sh, (literally only a few months ago) and since I've come out as transgender to them I stopped, but just a few weeks ago began again because I can't stand the pain and stress of many difficult situations I've been facing personally, and to make it worse I find no comfort or safety in these two because of how unpredictable and explosive they are. For worse, I've been sharing a room with my mom, due to the guest staying with my sister. I hate, absolutely despise sleeping in the same bed as somebody else due to childhood trauma, indiscriminately even if the other person had nothing to do with it. I feel like I'm losing my mind because sharing a room with my sister was already uncomfortable enough, but now I don't even have my own bed or half the privacy I used to. I want to cut myself soooo bad right now and I tried to but it seems my fear to the blade has returned so I can't apply enough pressure. I don't know if that's my common sense speaking but it drives me mad, still my face remains frozen in place. I can't bear this anxiousness —…..
just got spoken to and apologized to. what to do? I feel numb. can't take their apology but feel bad bc they seem proud on their advances in communication. I think im over this even if they seem to do better.
