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C

continuing

Member
Aug 8, 2024
55
Last post i was talking about the conflict i had in my head, theres my boyfriend who loves me and i like him a lot, and theres this person i just cant get off my head, it got to the point i got all the messages i had with this person and put on a ai to ask if i ever had a chance, luckly it said no. Today i spend in bed just fantacising about this person, like just letting the bad thoughts free you know, until i realise i dont lik the person just the idea i have of it, but even with all of that, my stupid brain still craves for a single message of him, instead of my boyfrind, just whole thing is just pathetic, and i dont know how to get this out of my head
 
wantingdignity

wantingdignity

Little lost
Apr 5, 2025
161
I think if you're stuck between two people, you might need to take a break and work on you. Not necessarily a breakup, but it's not fair to the other person to be with you while you're toying around with other futures.
 
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Reactions: mushi
C

continuing

Member
Aug 8, 2024
55
I think if you're stuck between two people, you might need to take a break and work on you. Not necessarily a breakup, but it's not fair to the other person to be with you while you're toying around with other futures.
I know i know, my brain is just being stupid now
 
M

mushi

Member
Nov 1, 2023
20
it's not your fault. cheating is actually quite common. that doesn't make it ok and it really traumatises the partner who gets cheated on. but it isn't your fault and it's quite normal. the most important part of it is to face it and make a decision. you have to pick one and cut off the other. so if you pick your boyfriend you need to completely cut this other person off. your brain will not let you do that easily and say it's ok if you're just friends, it's okay if you just have each other on instragram, etc. but you need to cut them off 100%. if you met them at work then you don't talk to them anymore not even a hello. you need to act as if they're dead. it'll take a few months but the brain eventually gets the message and lets them go.

if you don't feel like that's the right decision you need to sit boyfriend down and tell them you have feelings for someone else. boyfriend might break up with you because of this. boyfriend will be very hurt and upset by this. boyfriend will need a lot of time to get over it, may be insecure, may hold it over you in future arguments etc etc. boyfriend may try to make it work and then realise they can't get over it. boyfriend will ask to read all your text messages with the other person, will want to know every detail, will get hurt by every second.

in my opinion people cheat because of deep wounds inside themselves. I was almost pulled into an affair at work, it never became physical but emotionally he crossed a line. i was single, he was married. it changed my perspective on cheating entirely. both of us were heavily depressed and suffering. I cut him off and I'm completely over him, but it was almost impossible, and it's like he's dead to me now - I know I'm never seeing him or talking to him again. the door is completely shut. because in these weird affair-like situations the door being open even one percent will just fuck both sides up. the brain is a bit crazy with attachment and i'm a loyal person. but it happens because people are hurting and seeking connection, which is a very human need. it isn't your fault, but you have to be careful, because the spouses who get cheated on get heavily traumatised from it.
 

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