Venting i’m just a bad person

[bunnyloop]

it's not anyone's fault but my own. i keep trying to get better but it doesn't work. i'm not trying hard enough. i know i'm just a bad person. i'm so immature and self destructive. i think i do stupid impulsive crazy things just to see who can handle it and who will stay. i'll always be too much. i wish i knew how to manage it. i'm sorry to everyone for everything. it doesn't matter how sorry i am tho because i don't think i can change. i'm stupid and inconsiderate and only cause damage to the people around me who i'm supposed to care about. i don't want people to think i want to kill myself just so they'd feel empathy and sympathy for me. i would like to be missed and cared about ofc but i mostly just want this pain to go away. i don't want to continue to be a problem in peoples lives and cause them misery because i'm miserable. i don't want to continue to be a regret to anyone. i don't want to live life causing more people to hate me because idk how to act normal. i'm so embarrassed of the way i think and act i can't deny that i'm just a terrible person.

 

[losthope1980]

it's not anyone's fault but my own. i keep trying to get better but it doesn't work. i'm not trying hard enough. i know i'm just a bad person. i'm so immature and self destructive. i think i do stupid impulsive crazy things just to see who can handle it and who will stay. i'll always be too much. i wish i knew how to manage it. i'm sorry to everyone for everything. it doesn't matter how sorry i am tho because i don't think i can change. i'm stupid and inconsiderate and only cause damage to the people around me who i'm supposed to care about. i don't want people to think i want to kill myself just so they'd feel empathy and sympathy for me. i would like to be missed and cared about ofc but i mostly just want this pain to go away. i don't want to continue to be a problem in peoples lives and cause them misery because i'm miserable. i don't want to continue to be a regret to anyone. i don't want to live life causing more people to hate me because idk how to act normal. i'm so embarrassed of the way i think and act i can't deny that i'm just a terrible person.

Im Sorry you feel that way, I can truly relate. but I've been about 8 weeks on different meds and it seems to be getting better. I am diagnosed with BPD, NPD, and major depression . I've been a bad person, no caring for others feelings but somehow its gotten better, everyone deserves a second chance, so do you.

 

[bunnyloop]

Im Sorry you feel that way, I can truly relate. but I've been about 8 weeks on different meds and it seems to be getting better. I am diagnosed with BPD, NPD, and major depression . I've been a bad person, no caring for others feelings but somehow its gotten better, everyone deserves a second chance, so do you.

i have bpd too. it's so hard to live like this. no one can understand unless they have it. i know i can't use it as an excuse for the way i act. there's people with bpd who know how to manage it and are able to be in relationships and i envy them so much. i wish i wasn't so crazy and so broken. i'm not worthy of being loved at all. i don't think i ever learn my lesson from past mistakes

 

[losthope1980]

i have bpd too. it's so hard to live like this. no one can understand unless they have it. i know i can't use it as an excuse for the way i act. there's people with bpd who know how to manage it and are able to be in relationships and i envy them so much. i wish i wasn't so crazy and so broken. i'm not worthy of being loved at all. i don't think i ever learn my lesson from past mistakes

I know how you feel, how old are you? im not an expert but believe me it can get better. until last week I had no hope left. I ve donde so many mistakes in my life I can't even count them, I've hurt people I love. but somehow I found hope. im 45, as far as I can recall I've dealt with depression since I was 8, or at least at that age I kind of understood what depression was, I've though of dying since 12, I've really fucked up in every possible way, iim going through one of my darkest times right now. but there's always a light. are you on meds? I've been on them since 14, recently a new shrink prescribed new pills, Brintellix, rexulti and quetiapine. im doing better

 

[bunnyloop]

I know how you feel, how old are you? im not an expert but believe me it can get better. until last week I had no hope left. I ve donde so many mistakes in my life I can't even count them, I've hurt people I love. but somehow I found hope. im 45, as far as I can recall I've dealt with depression since I was 8, or at least at that age I kind of understood what depression was, I've though of dying since 12, I've really fucked up in every possible way, iim going through one of my darkest times right now. but there's always a light. are you on meds? I've been on them since 14, recently a new shrink prescribed new pills, Brintellix, rexulti and quetiapine. im doing better

i'm 21 but i barely feel like a real adult and i've already ruined my life so much because of my favourite person, people that don't even know me will just view me as a crazy person. and i am i can't even deny it. i just wish they knew more about me. i always think i'm doing better and then smth happens that triggers me and i go right back to rock bottom. i want to go on meds again preferably mood stabilisers but i feel that there's no point because i can't change the past. i've already ruined the relationships ive had with people and i don't think i'll ever be able to be in a real one even if i do get better somehow. i'll just constantly feel insecure about the past and i have such bad trust issues i don't think anyone will ever be telling me the truth if they say they like me. i wish i didn't put being in a relationship on such a pedestal but i can't help it. i want to love and be loved so bad but it's never going to happen. i wish i could be more independent. i wish i was one of those people that didn't care about relationships and could leave someone the moment they felt disrespected but i'm so pathetic and lack self respect it makes me obsess over someone more just to try and prove i can be worthy of love.

 

[losthope1980]

i'm 21 but i barely feel like a real adult and i've already ruined my life so much because of my favourite person, people that don't even know me will just view me as a crazy person. and i am i can't even deny it. i just wish they knew more about me. i always think i'm doing better and then smth happens that triggers me and i go right back to rock bottom. i want to go on meds again preferably mood stabilisers but i feel that there's no point because i can't change the past. i've already ruined the relationships ive had with people and i don't think i'll ever be able to be in a real one even if i do get better somehow. i'll just constantly feel insecure about the past and i have such bad trust issues i don't think anyone will ever be telling me the truth if they say they like me. i wish i didn't put being in a relationship on such a pedestal but i can't help it. i want to love and be loved so bad but it's never going to happen. i wish i could be more independent. i wish i was one of those people that didn't care about relationships and could leave someone the moment they felt disrespected but i'm so pathetic and lack self respect it makes me obsess over someone more just to try and prove i can be worthy of love.

you're going through a lot, you're young, by you're age I had already fucked up tons of times. im at rock bottom right now, I've fucked my life and my kids don't want to see me anymore. but I have faith things will get better. you don't need a relationship, you have yourself. im probably never going to see my kids again. but I need to pick my self from all the pieces that are shattered, and maybe someday it will get better. its hard for us since we have a medical condition, Ifor the last decade I decided I wasn't going through it, that I was not going to live life taking meds, but that's just the way it has to be. believe me life I know, life seems like a burden , it is to me now, everyday I wake up wishing id never woke up again. but somehow you find some peace in little things. I for example love animals, I have 2 dogs who are my only companions, I mean there's not much left of my family, my mom passed away last year, my grama too. never really knew my dad. but I still have this guy I look at the mirror everyday, and im trying to forgive him for everyfuck up, and love him as well. you are worthy of love.